Re: [討論] 大三零出櫃
譯者前言：
由於覺得這篇很有意義因此著手翻譯，翻得不對或不好敬請大家指教，
翻到最後很崩潰地發現共有三頁，後面兩頁就請自行參閱或由好心人補
上囉。
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http://0rz.tw/r0BYA
I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay.
我是個三十四歲的NBA中鋒，我是黑人，而且我是同志。
I didn't set out to be the first openly gay athlete playing in a major American
team sport. But since I am, I'm happy to start the conversation. I wish I
wasn't the kid in the classroom raising his hand and saying, "I'm different."
If I had my way, someone else would have already done this. Nobody has, which
is why I'm raising my hand.
成為第一個在主流美國職業運動中公開出櫃的運動員並不是我的本意，不過既然現在
已成定局，我很高興能開啟此次對話，我希望我不是那個在教室中舉起手說我和別人
不一樣的那個小孩，若我沒舉手，其他人可能早就已經出櫃，但這並沒發生，而這便
是我為什麼舉起手來的原因。
My journey of self-discovery and self-acknowledgement began in my hometown of
Los Angeles and has taken me through two state high school championships, the
NCAA Final Four and the Elite Eight, and nine playoffs in 12 NBA seasons.
我的自我探索及自我肯定旅程開啟於我的家鄉洛杉磯，帶著我度過兩次州立高中冠軍
、NCAA四強及八強賽和十二年NBA生涯中的九次季後賽。
I've played for six pro teams and have appeared in two NBA Finals. Ever heard
of a parlor game called Three Degrees of Jason Collins? If you're in the
league, and I haven't been your teammate, I surely have been one of your
teammates' teammates. Or one of your teammates' teammates' teammates.
我曾為六支職業球隊打過球並兩度出現於NBA總冠軍賽之中，曾經聽過人際三度理論嗎?
如果你在聯盟中打球而我沒當過你的隊友，我也絕對曾是你隊友的隊友，或是你隊友的
隊友的隊友。
(譯按：感謝spurs2120版友)
Now I'm a free agent, literally and figuratively. I've reached that enviable
state in life in which I can do pretty much what I want. And what I want is
to continue to play basketball. I still love the game, and I still have
something to offer. My coaches and teammates recognize that. At the same
time, I want to be genuine and authentic and truthful.
現在我無論於字義或比喻的層面上都是一個自由球員，我的人生已經到達一個令人
稱羨的階段，可以做大多數我想做的事情，而我想做的是繼續打籃球，我仍然熱愛
比賽也仍有可以貢獻之處，我的教練和隊友都知道這點，同時我希望做到真誠、可
靠及誠實。
Why am I coming out now? Well, I started thinking about this in 2011 during
the NBA player lockout. I'm a creature of routine. When the regular season
ends I immediately dedicate myself to getting game ready for the opener of
the next campaign in the fall. But the lockout wreaked havoc on my habits and
forced me to confront who I really am and what I really want. With the season
delayed, I trained and worked out. But I lacked the distraction that
basketball had always provided.
為何我選擇現在出櫃？嗯，我是從2011年NBA球員罷工時開始思考這個的。我是個規
律的人，當正規賽季結束後我馬上就會投入為秋天開始的下個賽季做好準備，但是
罷工打亂了我的習慣並使我開始思考「我是誰」和「我真正要的是什麼」。當球季
延遲的時候，我仍舊訓練和健身，但我喪失了一向能讓我轉移注意力的籃球。
The first relative I came out to was my aunt Teri, a superior court judge in
San Francisco. Her reaction surprised me. "I've known you were gay for
years," she said. From that moment on I was comfortable in my own skin. In
her presence I ignored my censor button for the first time. She gave me
support. The relief I felt was a sweet release. Imagine you're in the oven,
baking. Some of us know and accept our sexuality right away and some need
more time to cook. I should know -- I baked for 33 years.
我第一個出櫃的對象是Teri阿姨，她是一個在舊金山工作的法官，她的反應讓我驚訝
，她說：「我知道你是同性戀已經好幾年了。」從那時開始我感到輕鬆，在她面前我
生平第一次可以無視自己的警戒按鈕，她給了我支持，我感受到的輕鬆是個甜蜜的釋
放。想像你在一個烤爐中烤著，我們之中有些人很快就能接受自己的性向，而有些人
需要多一點時間來煎熬，我深知這一點：我煎熬了33年。
When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I thought I had to live
a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids with her. I
kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it was blue.
我年輕的時候和女人約會，甚至曾經訂婚，我以為我必須以特定方式生活，我以為我
和一個女人結婚生子，我不斷告訴自己天空是紅色的，但其實我一直知道它是藍色。
I realized I needed to go public when Joe Kennedy, my old roommate at
Stanford and now a Massachusetts congressman, told me he had just marched in
Boston's 2012 Gay Pride Parade. I'm seldom jealous of others, but hearing
what Joe had done filled me with envy. I was proud of him for participating
but angry that as a closeted gay man I couldn't even cheer my straight friend
on as a spectator. If I'd been questioned, I would have concocted half
truths. What a shame to have to lie at a celebration of pride. I want to do
the right thing and not hide anymore. I want to march for tolerance,
acceptance and understanding. I want to take a stand and say, "Me, too."
當我在史丹佛的老室友、現任麻州國會議員Joe Kennedy告訴我，他剛參加波士頓2012
同志驕傲遊行時，我知道我必須公開出櫃了，我很少忌妒別人，但聽到Joe所做的卻讓
我充滿嫉妒。我為他的參與感到驕傲，卻對於自己作為一個未出櫃的旁觀者不能為遊行
的異性戀朋友歡呼感到生氣。如果我被質疑，我會捏造一半事實，而在驕傲遊行中必須
說謊是多大的恥辱啊！我想要做對的事情，不再想要躲躲藏藏，我想為了寬容、接納和
理解而遊行，我希望站出來說：「我也是」
The recent Boston Marathon bombing reinforced the notion that I shouldn't
wait for the circumstances of my coming out to be perfect. Things can change
in an instant, so why not live truthfully? When I told Joe a few weeks ago
that I was gay, he was grateful that I trusted him. He asked me to join him
in 2013. We'll be marching on June 8.
最近的波士頓馬拉松爆炸案加強了我的信念，我不該坐待所謂出櫃的「最佳時機」，
事情會瞬息萬變，所以何不真實地活著？幾週前當我告訴Joe我是同性戀時，他對於我
的信任表示感激，他邀我參加2013的波士頓同志驕傲遊行，我們會於六月八日參加。
No one wants to live in fear. I've always been scared of saying the wrong
thing. I don't sleep well. I never have. But each time I tell another person,
I feel stronger and sleep a little more soundly. It takes an enormous amount
of energy to guard such a big secret. I've endured years of misery and gone
to enormous lengths to live a lie. I was certain that my world would fall
apart if anyone knew. And yet when I acknowledged my sexuality I felt whole
for the first time. I still had the same sense of humor, I still had the same
mannerisms and my friends still had my back.
沒有人想活在恐懼之中，我總是怕說出錯誤的事情，我一向都睡不好，但每一次當我向
其他人訴說，我就變得更強壯也睡得更好。要隱瞞這麼大一個秘密是很耗心力的，許多
年來我都承受著痛苦活在謊言之中，我那時確信若我告訴任何人，我的世界就會崩毀，
但是在我承認性向之後，我第一次感覺自己是完整的，我仍保有幽默感，我仍保有相同
的特質而我的朋友們仍舊挺我。
Believe it or not, my family has had bigger shocks. Strange as it seems
today, my parents expected only one child in 1978. Me. When I came out (for
the first time) the doctors congratulated my mother on her healthy,
seven-pound, one-ounce baby boy. "Wait!" said a nurse. "Here comes another
one!" The other one, who arrived eight minutes later and three ounces
heavier, was Jarron. He's followed me ever since, to Stanford and to the NBA,
and as the ever-so-slightly older brother I've looked out for him.
信不信由你，我的家庭曾受到更大的驚嚇，今天看來或許奇怪，但我的家庭在1978年
本來只預期一個孩子的降臨。當我出生時，醫生為我母親健康的、七磅一盎司重的小
男嬰恭喜她，一個護士說：「等等！又有另一個！」另一個於八分鐘後出生且比我重
三盎司的人便是Jarron，他自此一路跟隨我到史丹佛和NBA，身為一個僅僅早他一點點
出生的哥哥我一路看顧著他。
I had a happy childhood in the suburbs of L.A. My parents instilled in us an
appreciation of history, art and, most important, Motown. Jarron and I
weren't allowed to listen to rap until we were 12. After our birthday I
dashed to Target and bought DJ Quik's album Quik Is the Name. I memorized
every line. It was around this time that I began noticing subtle differences
between Jarron and me. Our twinness was no longer synchronized. I couldn't
identify with his attraction to girls.
我在洛杉磯郊區度過一個快樂的童年，父母灌輸我對歷史、藝術以及最重要的對於
Motown的欣賞，我們兩兄弟在12歲前都不被允許聽饒舌，那年生日過後我急急忙忙
去買了DJ Quik的專輯Quik Is the Name，我還記得每一行歌詞，也正是在此時我
開始注意到我與Jarron之間微妙的差別，我們的雙胞性質不再亦步亦趨，我和他與
女孩子間的吸引力有所不同。
譯按：Motown是一家唱片公司，感謝momoforever版友，維基寫說這家唱片公司在
流行音樂的種族融合部分扮演了重要角色。
I feel blessed that I recognized my own attractions. Though I resisted my
impulses through high school, I knew that when I was ready I had someone to
turn to: my uncle Mark in New York. I knew we could talk without judgment,
and we did last summer. Uncle Mark is gay. He and his partner have been in a
stable relationship forever. For a confused young boy, I can think of no
better role model of love and compassion.
儘管我高中時曾抗拒過我的直覺，但能夠了解自己的傾向我覺得是幸運的，我知道當
我準備好時能夠向誰尋求幫助：住在紐約的Mark叔叔。我知道我們可以不帶批判地討
論這件事，一如上個夏天一般。Mark叔叔是同志，他和他的夥伴一直維持著穩定的關
係，作為一個迷惑的年輕男孩，我無法想像一個更具愛心和同理心的角色模範。
I didn't come out to my brother until last summer. His reaction to my breakfast
revelation was radically different from Aunt Teri's. He was downright
astounded. He never suspected. So much for twin telepathy. But by dinner that
night, he was full of brotherly love. For the first time in our lives, he
wanted to step in and protect me.
在上個夏天之前我並未對弟弟出櫃，他對於我在早餐時間的揭露之反應與Teri阿姨截
然不同，他瞠目結舌因為他從未發現，好個雙胞胎的心電感應啊。但到了晚餐那個夜
晚時，他充滿了兄弟之愛，在我們的生命中，他第一次想站出來保護我。
--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 163.29.182.97
※ 編輯: howlong 來自: 163.29.182.97 (04/30 10:33)
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