Re: [請益] 英文作文請幫忙修改!!!

看板Eng-Class作者hoch (Sanctuary)時間14年前 (2011/07/17 03:12)推噓8(8推 0噓 33→)

留言41則, 10人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

: 很擔心很多文法其實是錯得但用得很爽...... 我倒是覺得，我們學生在寫英文作文的時候，擔心的都是自己 "文法" 寫得對不對，而不是語句通不通順，每一段有沒有明顯的主題，有沒有做到起承轉合這些作文的基本要素。個人覺得這一篇作文，有一點過度使用現成的片語。幾乎每一句開頭都是用 "in the light of ...", "to illustrate ...", "to say another say ..." 這種罐頭模版式的片語。讀起來像是補習班老師指導下的文章。感覺非常不真實。 : ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- : The school authorities are alarmed by the fact that a large proportion of : students fail English test. According to the recent press coverage, more and ... by the fact that many Taiwanese students have failed their English examinations. : more students in Taiwan none the less have trouble communicating with foreigner : in English after they get their college degree. In the light of that, schools 這裡前兩句就是我所謂的語句不通順的地方之一。第二句 "nonetheless" 通常有中文裡面 "雖然 ... 但是..." 的意味。你這兩句也許應該寫成 "雖然大部分台灣學生都可以通過英文測驗，但是他們沒辦法和外國人交談"。你的原文卻是 "台灣學生都考不過英文測驗，但是他們卻無法和外國人交談"。我是覺得很怪啦。希望沒有誤會你的原意。 : have to take the initiate to improve their students' English ability. To take the initiative ... : illustrate, it's well known that schools are going to make a stab at setting Again, 個人覺得 "to illustrate" 在這裡很生硬，無法和前後文接起來。 : a bar which is served as a stander to examine a qualified Bachelor. To say that : another way, students are forced to attend the test of English ability and meet : the requirement prior to graduating from university. "to say another way" 前後不是該有對等意思的句子？我覺得你的前後文不是很適合 : On top of that, in the duration of first year, the school authorities usually "on top of that" 也和前後文接得不好。也許該寫成這樣：學生在大一都已經要修英語學分，on top of that，他們畢業前還得通過多益考試 ... : set a necessary English course for the freshmen, which means people, whatever 必修課是 compulsory 或是 required course : the case, who enroll in the school have no alternative but to choose the class, "whatever the case" 好像是硬加上去的。感覺沒有什麼用。 : or those who reject the arrangement set by school will not acquire the diploma : four years later. With the legally binding aforementioned above, we have "or those who ...." 這邊很不通。 "with the legally binding aformentioned above" 是想說 "having said that"? : realized that English ability have attracted lots of attention in the course of : learning English, and counting still. " ... we have realized .... still" 這句我就完全看不懂。 : However, pondering why students fail English test, as far as I am concerned, : there are some reasons to explain the question. To begin with, the way students "as far as I am concerned" 這種拼字數的片語，幾乎每一本寫作教科書都叫人不要用。這邊我認為要另起一段。個人建議盡量不要用 "there are ...." 這類的句子。 The low English achievements for Taiwanese students might be attributed to the following factors. : interact with teachers in the classroom usually leads to poor English. In most : situations, students just listen to and receive what teachers said instead of In most situations, students simply listen to their teachers and make no respose whatsoever. : responding opinions, much less articulating in English. Therefore, lack of : surroundings which is conducive to learn English must be one of the reasons : giving rise to students' fractured English. To go a step further, with the Therefore ... 這句也很怪，不過我不知道要怎樣改 XD : advent of technology, students always take advantage of the translating tool 已經 "to go a step further" 逗點，又來 "with the advent of technology" 再逗點，感覺語氣中斷太頻繁。 : on the Internet. Hence, surfing the Internet has become the most common way by : which they solve the English assignments. Suffice it to say, the competitiveness "hence" 在這裡也不完全合適。 : and the ability to master English are on the decrease. All in all, in the global "suffice it to say" 又是一個突兀的例子。 : village, the ability to speak foreign language articulately has become a : requirement while applying for a job, let alone English is usually seen as a : basic foreign language. Thus, it's a virtual certainty that, in an effort to "let alone English" 好像沒法接上前後文， imho。 : enhance our competitiveness in an on-the-go society, mastering our English is : the best solution which is second to none. Thus 後面這一整句和前文的關連性很弱。感覺上只是堆砌片語。 ※ 編輯: hoch 來自: 212.95.7.32 (07/17 03:45)

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