[心情] 不想再當特別的人
男女版首po
手機發文,排版問題請見諒
我有一名要好的男性友人A,認識近十年
前三年女友一直換,一直到現任女友才穩定
交往七年,最近要結婚了
A前陣子換工作,來到我的城市
所以我們經常約吃飯,聊工作上的事
以前剛認識他時就覺得他是個不錯的男生
但因為他一直都有女朋友
所以對他也沒什麼非分之想
直到之前密切的聯絡
又因為我小他滿多歲的
他對我就像疼妹妹一樣
所以不小心的對他產生了感情
當我發現時,我也就減少跟他聊天吃飯
但他很敏感的發現我在躲他
畢竟過去情史豐富的他
加上情緒都表現在臉上的我
很輕易的就被他發現了
因為認識很久,什麼都能聊,很快就談開
他說他也很喜歡我
但就是妹妹的喜歡,朋友的喜歡
跟我在一起沒有跟其他女生相處的壓力
我對他來說「很特別」
這不是我第一次被說特別
每一次我真的用「心」了的人
都跟我說了「很特別」這句話
我也真的能夠感受到我的特別
可是這些人,都從來沒有跟我在一起
當然,這些人A是例外,他要結婚了
我並沒有想要得到他的意思
我只是聽到他說我很特別時
突然覺得五味雜陳
過去苦戀三年的B,說我很特別
說跟我相處很自然沒有壓力
當我要放棄他時千里迢迢來找我
哭著拜託我不要放棄他
但最後B選擇的依然是別人
那一刻起,我從B的世界消失
直到我交了男朋友我才再出現
事隔六年後的現在,他還是會告訴我
我是他生命中最特別的人
現在我對特別這兩字已經無感,甚至嗤之以鼻
特別不是愛,但它是什麼?
總之是一種我不需要的形容詞
最讓人氣餒的是
曾經愛過我的人,卻總是無法讓我深深的愛上
而那些我愛上或可能愛上的人
卻只覺得,我 很特別 …
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