Re: [創作] I'm always the second choice
Instead of a comment, I think what I have are two little suggestions.
I am not sure if you'd want 'em, but you may want to consider before
you sing the lines out.
First, maybe the second Phoebe part can be fixed, as it does not really
parallel with the first part and Sandy's and tracy's do. And it is a
little peculiar a beggar would say something like hoping the Communism
could have worked out. S/he must be an educated beggar.
Second, it surprises me when "Holy cow" appears. I think maybe it could
be put in some other ways. Are you writing the lyric for some rock songs?
I believe this could be a good song. It is a pity that there is obviously
no link for this in this article.
※ 引述《antidiciplin (批兔Sovereign版)》之銘言：
: 這篇作品原本是要寫成一首歌的
: 不知道能不能發表在這個版面
: 不行的話請推文告知 我可以自D
: Watching movie, definitely Sandy.
: Rouge n' sweet,
: with her the movie always funny.
: Going lounge, must Tracy.
: Shining eyes that never be shy,
: with her everyone forgets about being lonely.
: Night market, better Phoebe.
: All the vendor and cheap dvd,
: with her you won't spend more than hundred.
: I'm always the second choice.
: I'm always the second choice.
: If Sandy says no, you'd call my home.
: Though I hate the horrible movie and prefer comedy.
: If Tracy hasn't woke up, you'd come pick me up.
: Though never gorgeous, I managed to be fabulous.
: If Phoebe doesn't want to go out, you'll ask me out.
: Though I can't help staring at those beggers,
: murmuring about communism should work it out.
: Thank God I'm one of the choices.
: Holy cow I'm a choice.
: Will I always be your second choice.
--
For those who are interested in English poetry:
英詩板精華區 --> 雅典娜的神殿 --> 英詩入門 --> 波魯米尼玆幽冥旅
Maybe you will find something interesting.
Welcome any discussion on writing.
--
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