Re: [婚前] 提親前的包容與尊重
之前笨版有一個文章,跟婚姻也有關,叫"嫂子的教育 不能等"
故事作者的大嫂(漢人)在家中打掃,看到作者爸爸(阿美族)破舊的
打獵袋和生鏽的番刀,想說之後買新的便與垃圾放在一起準備丟掉,
殊不知在母系的阿美社會中,這可是休夫的意思。作者的父親回來後看
到這番光景,以為自己昨晚多喝了點酒惹怒太太,便留下紙條"謝謝妳
的照顧",難過地回到台東去了。之後他們家人搞清楚狀況後,大哥留下
一千塊說要幫這位熱心又nice的大嫂買幾本阿美族的書,才奔到台東把
父親接回來。
很多跨文化的誤會,都是從人很nice引起
由於沒有提到女朋友是哪一族的,無法多加評論,但以Atayal為例:
泰雅族的提親習俗,通常都會邀請部落裡的智者或德高望重的長輩,來幫他們提親。
泰雅族提親時一定要邀請一個代言人陪同,代替當事人說話的人,如果由家人自己來
開口提親,一來表示這一家族之中沒有長輩,或是會被人家認為這一家人平常的為人
不佳沒有人緣,所以才沒有人願意幫忙出面代言。再者,也會讓人以為這一家人心高
氣傲,以為不需經他人代言就可以搞定,反而會被女方所拒絕,除非男女雙方彼此之
間非常認識,而且相處非常有默契,才有可能答應,從這樣的角度來說,邀請人代言
的習俗也象徵著此一家人的修養與人際關係(台灣原住民族歷史語言文化大辭典)。
再次聲明,原住民各族習俗規範不同,父系母系不一。但若認為以一個人很nice
的表姊就可以擔此重任,那就等著真的被拒絕吧。
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