Re: [寫作班] 托福第32週 David 3
看板ST-English作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/03/24 07:09)推噓1(1推 0噓 0→)留言1則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)
※ 引述《cccching (不同的味道)》之銘言：
: 3. Plants can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one
: kind of plant that is important to you or the people in your country?
: ---------------------------------------------------------------------
: When it comes to the topic of important plant to you or people in Taiwan,
: there may be thousands of answers came from different people. As far as I
: am concerned, which plant is so important to me is banana, a kind of tropic
: fruit with yellow skin and prefect taste, had been famous all over the world
: that resulted in the words "Taiwan is fruit kingdom." until twenty years ago.
: In addition, it is banana that has special meaning to me and to my family.
In this paragraph, you use too many commas to connect more than one sentences.
Starting from "As far as I am concerned,..." there are too many clauses
and you might want to divide them into several complete sentencs to help
readers get a clearer sense.
and I wonder if Taiwane is no longer called the kindom of fruit? If Taiwan
still bears this name (and I think so), then "had been" should be replaced
with "has been"
"the words 'Taiwan is..'" should be replaced with "a saying"
: It is undeniable that banana is the most popular and local fruit represented
: Taiwan. When talking to someone older than thirty years old, he probably
: could remember some historical events happened when China occupied by Communist
: Party. At that time everyone in Taiwan was so disappointed and worried about
: country's future. Afterward a successful evolution in agriculture encouraged
: all people and gave them confidence that Taiwanese could sustain by themselves
: in economy and agriculture. Banana played the most influenced rule in this
: event happened in Taiwan named after fruit kingdom.
You mentioned about the revolution in agriculture but you did not relate
banana to this revolution? What is the role that banana played?
: It was my most enjoyable time when my father brought a string of bananas back
: home when I was still a ten-years-old child in countryside. We sat behind the
: river near our house and enjoyed the delicious fruit, chatted about daily life,
: and spotted the beauty scene of sun setting. It is my special and unforgettable
: memory about my childhood with banana and my father.
: Another special meaning about banana for me is something related to my girl
: friend's experiment. She was a master student majored in bioengineering technology one year ago and her research topic was about transforming the
: bananas to have some specific functions by operating banana's gene sequence
: with gene operational technology. This is another reason why banana is so
: special to me.
Again the connection is not clear. what is it so special for you about
banana being the object of your gf's experiment?
: In conclusion, which fruit is so important and meaningful to me is banana for
: those special memories with my father and my girl friend. As a while, banana
: is also important for people in Taiwan for its special historical meaning.
As a while here might not be appropriate. Meanwhile?
--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 128.205.249.218
推
03/29 19:40, , 1F
03/29 19:40, 1F
討論串 (同標題文章)
本文引述了以下文章的的內容：
完整討論串 (本文為第 2 之 2 篇)：