Re: [寫作班] 托福第29週 jarlinlove, 2
看板ST-English作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/02/25 15:06)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)留言0則, 0人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)
※ 引述《jarlinlove (永夜角聲悲自語)》之銘言：
: 2. What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is
: this room more important to you than any other room?
: =========================================================================
: Generally speaking, a house is consisted of living room, kitchen,
: bathroom and at least one room. Every room plays a crucial role in our daily
: lives: we can socialize with our relatives and friends in the living room,
: prepare for food in the kitchen, and so on. As for me, when being asked what
: the most important room in a house is, I will give the following answer:
: bathroom.
1. in the 1st setnence, you mentioned that there "at least one room."
maybe you need to specify that means bedroom, since living room and
kitchen etc. are all rooms
2. if you suggest that you think bathroom is the most important,
then you might want to give your major argument "why" in the first
paragraph.
: The first reason I provide to support my argument is that we have
: nowhere else to urinate, defecate and clean up without a bathroom. These
: movements have a lot to do with our health. What if we do not urinate and
: defecate? We may come down with some suffering diseases. What if we do not
: clean up? Decay, dandruff and bad smell may be annoying problems. Bathroom
: provides the facilities for us to practice these necessary routines.
1. a major progress is made in these paragraphs. but i would suggest not to
use questions in these kind of paragraphs. questions sometimes weakens
the claim.
2. urinate, defecate are both "obvious" words, which might not be
appropriate here, i assume. maybe just say that we all need to use
the toilet for biological needs?
: Secondly, bathroom can also be used for other purposes. For example, the
: toilet can somehow serve as a seat, where we can relax, read books even take
: a nap. Furthermore, the mirror above the washbasin can be a substitute for
: women’s dressing tables. In case of dryness, we can do various things on the
: floor, such as doing stretch exercises.
1. this paragraph has no problem. but the content seems a little bit
unreasonable. i would assume, people seldom take a nap on the toilet?
or do exercises in the bathroom?
: However, why are other rooms less important than bathroom? In my
: opinion, we can eat out without a kitchen, and invite our relatives and
: friends to other restaurants or resorts without a living. The most common
: things, sleeping and reading are not unfeasible without a personal room. But
: for bathroom, it is very inconvenient to find a replacement. That’s why I
: think bathroom is the most important in a house.
1. i would suggest not to use questions as your claim. therefore, the major
claim, which is often the first sentence, might be the bathroom is the
most important room in a house because its function can not be replaced
by that of other rooms.
good job!
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