[轉錄]R: 轉貼 亞拉岡的秘密日記
※ [本文轉錄自 joke 看板]
作者: ShadowElf (子於是日哭)
標題: [轉錄]山姆的祕密日記
時間: Mon Dec 30 00:35:07 2002
※ [本文轉錄自 ShadowElf 信箱]
作者: Atu.bbs@ptt2.csie.ntu.edu.tw
標題: 山姆的祕密日記
時間: Mon Dec 30 00:34:33 2002
作者: Atu (子於是日哭) 看板: Atu
標題: 山姆的祕密日記
時間: Sun Dec 29 22:06:22 2002
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SAMWISE GAMGEE
Day One:
Frodo stabbed by Morgul blade. Oh no! Pippin cried.
Told Pippin it would be all right as Mr. Frodo far too hot to die.
Did I say that out loud?
第一天：
胡蘿蔔被冥界之刃刺中了。
皮平大哭：「噢！不！」。
我當訴他其實這沒什麼關系，因為胡蘿蔔太熱門，太受歡迎了，所以不會死。
噢，我有說得很大聲嗎？
Day Three:
Have followed Mr. Frodo to Rivendell where Elves will heal him.
Gandalf told me to help poor unconscious Mr. Frodo get out of dirty clothes.
So took clothes off him and gave him a bath. And another one.
Then gave him another bath.
Gandalf came and told me six baths was quite enough, Samwise Gamgee.
Poncy old git probably hasn't taken a bath since the Second Age.
第三天：
我跟著胡蘿蔔到了 Rivendell ，那裡的精靈會醫治他。
乾豆腐叫我幫昏迷不醒的胡蘿蔔脫掉髒衣服。
所以我幫他把髒衣服脫掉，然後幫他洗個澡，然後再幫他洗個澡，然後再幫他澡個澡。
乾豆腐來跟我說：「一天洗六次澡很夠了，山姆。」
那個老白痴大概第二紀就沒洗過澡了吧？
Day Four:
Wonder if it is time for Mr. Frodo to have another bath yet.
第四天：
我在想是不是又到了該幫胡蘿蔔洗澡的時間了。
Day Five:
Elf bubble bath v. colorful and pretty.
Gandalf no fun at all.
*sulk*
第四天：
精靈的泡泡澡很漂亮也很多彩多姿。
乾豆腐一點也不好玩。
真令人生氣！
Day Six:
Mr. Frodo awake!
Is doing well although also seems concerned as to
why his fingers are all wrinkled.
Decided not to tell him about all the baths.
第六天：
胡蘿蔔醒了！！
他看來還不錯，不過他似乎在想為什麼他的手指都皺皺的。
我決定還是不要告訴他我幫他洗那些澡的事好了。
Day Seven:
Snuck into Council of Elrond. Frodo offered to take Ring to Mordor.
Mr. Frodo is so brave, handsome, tall and wonderful!
Okay, so possibly isn't all that tall.
第七天：
偷溜去聽愛隆王的會議。胡蘿蔔答應要帶戒指去摩多。
他真是一個勇敢、英俊、高大的好人啊！
好啦好啦，也許沒麼那高大就是了啦。
Day Eight:
Off to Mordor. Other members of Fellowship v. dodgy if you ask me.
Especially Boromir.
"Teaching Merry and Pippin how to sword-fight" my Aunt Lobelia.
Obviously pervy hobbit-fancier who likes to roll around with
small men in shorts.
第八天：
要到摩多去了。如果你問我的感想的話，我會說其它的團員全都支支吾吾的。
尤其是羅密。
「教教梅里跟皮平怎麼用劍吧」Lobelia叔叔說。
很明顯的他是個喜歡跟小矮人滾來滾去的哈比控。
Day Nine:
Aragorn just as pervy as Boromir. Obviously fancies Mr. Frodo.
Will kill him if he tries anything.
亞拉岡就跟波羅密一樣變態。很明顯的他被胡蘿蔔剎到了。
如果他敢有什麼動作的話，我就會殺了他！
Day Ten:
V. dark in Mines of Moria.
Used flat edge of sword to whack Aragorn every time
he tried to pinch Mr. Frodo in the dark.
Gandalf fell into bottomless pit.
Mr. Frodo said something later about pointy wizard hat,
but did not understand it as am innocent young hobbit
from Shire not versed in wordly ways.
Pippin says Legolas is shagging Gimli.
Ick.
第十天：
礦坑裡非常的暗。
每當亞拉岡想偷偷的捏胡蘿蔔，我就用劍的鈍面打他。
乾豆腐掉到一個無底洞去了。
之後胡蘿蔔說了一些有關尖頂巫師帽的故事。
但身為一個天真的年輕哈比人，我沒辦法從文字裡完全了解這件事。
皮平說熱拉屎把金靂當性幻想對象。
真噁心！
Day Fifteen:
Lothlorien v. pretty.
Blonde elf lady absolutely hitting on poor Mr. Frodo left, right and center.
Pippin agrees.
Told Pippin height difference would make relationship impossible.
Pippin said Mr. Frodo could stand on stilts.
Hate Pippin.
第十五天：
羅斯洛立安真的是很漂亮。
那個金髮的精靈絕對有摸胡蘿蔔的左邊、右邊、跟中間。
皮平也同意我的猜測。
我告訴皮平身高的差異太大了，會讓他們的關係變得不可能成功。
但是皮平說胡蘿蔔會克服這個問題的。
我真討厭皮平！
Day Twenty-Two:
Leaving Lothlorien. Bye-bye grabby elf lady.
Not sure where going exactly, but is obviously somewhere water-related,
as have been given boats.
Do not care really as long as get to share boat with Mr. Frodo.
第二十一天：
告別了羅斯洛立安。再見了，貪得無婪的女精靈。
我不是很確定要去哪裡，不過很明顯的一定是跟水有關的地方。
因為有人給了我們船。
其實我也沒有很在乎，只要我跟胡蘿蔔同船就可以了。
Day Twenty-Three:
Boromir finally acted on pent-up lust for Mr. Frodo.
Got shot down of course (hurrah!) but not before made spectacle of himself.
Claims was trying to take Ring so as to rule world and bring down evil,
but we all know that's a big fib don't we.
第二十三天：
波羅密終於對胡蘿蔔做出了色情的暴行。
他當然也被阻止了，但是是在他為自己辨護之後了。
他說他試著奪取戒指因為他想統治世界，並打擊邪惡。
但是我們都知道那是個不重要的謊言，而且沒辦法愚弄我們。
Day Twenty-Four:
Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.
Frodo off to Mordor.
Taking me along, hurrah! Mr. Frodo needs cheering up as seems
inexplicably sorry to say goodbye to Gimli,
as well as is depressed and claims is now sure
he will die a virgin in the barren wastelands of the Dark Lord's realm.
We will see about that.
第二十四天：
波羅密被半獸人給掛掉了。我總算知道半獸人還有點用處。
胡蘿蔔決定去摩多了。
帶我一起走啊啊！胡蘿蔔需要有人給他安慰，因為他似乎有著無法理解的遺憾，尤其
當他跟金靂說再見的時候。
而且他很沮喪，因為他確定當他死在暗黑主宰的領域的時候，他還會是個處男。
我們走著瞧吧！（我看是指死的時候是不是處男這件事吧？）
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