Re: [情報] Kevin Love 透露去年比賽中曾遭逢恐慌發作
像DeRozan和Love這樣的公眾人物
願意談論心理健康的議題是很有意義的
雖然篇幅長但用字不難就翻譯分享給大家了
——
原文連結：https://goo.gl/Ttd9pD
Everyone Is Going Through Something
每個人都在經歷著一些困難
MAR 6 2018
2018年3月6日
KEVIN LOVE
凱文 愛
FORWARD / CLEVELAND CAVALIERS
前鋒 / 克里夫蘭騎士
On November 5th, right after halftime against the Hawks, I had a panic attack.
在11月5日對上老鷹的比賽中場休息過後，我經歷了一次恐慌發作。
It came out of nowhere. I'd never had one before. I didn't even know if they
were real. But it was real — as real as a broken hand or a sprained ankle.
Since that day, almost everything about the way I think about my mental health
has changed.
像是天外飛來一筆，我從來沒有發作過，我甚至不知道那是不是真的，但那是真的，和手
骨折或腳踝扭傷一樣真實。從那天起，我對心理健康的看法有了重大的轉變。
I've never been comfortable sharing much about myself. I turned 29 in September
and for pretty much 29 years of my life I have been protective about anything
and everything in my inner life. I was comfortable talking about basketball —
but that came natural. It was much harder to share personal stuff, and looking
back now I know I could have really benefited from having someone to talk to
over the years. But I didn't share — not to my family, not to my best friends,
not in public. Today, I've realized I need to change that. I want to share some
of my thoughts about my panic attack and what's happened since. If you're
suffering silently like I was, then you know how it can feel like nobody really
gets it. Partly, I want to do it for me, but mostly, I want to do it because
people don't talk about mental health enough. And men and boys are probably
the farthest behind.
一直以來對於分享私事我並不自在。九月我剛滿了29歲，在我29年的人生中，對於內心世
界的任何事情都是非常保護的。對於談論籃球我很自在，不過那是天生的。分享個人私事
是更難的，現在回憶起來過去的時光有人可以傾訴對我來說受益良多，但不管是對家人、
最好的朋友或是公眾，我都不分享那些事。但今天我意識到必須做出改變了，我想要分享
一些關於恐慌發作的想法以及那之後發生的事。如果你像我一樣默默的在受折磨，那你會
知道這感覺起來就像沒人懂一樣。一部份我想要為我自己而做，但更多促使我這麼做的原
因是因為人們對於心理健康談論的並不夠多，而男人和男孩可能是最不談論的。
I know it from experience. Growing up, you figure out really quickly how a boy
is supposed to act. You learn what it takes to 「be a man.」 It's like a
playbook:Be strong. Don't talk about your feelings. Get through it on your own.
So for 29 years of my life, I followed that playbook. And look, I'm probably
not telling you anything new here. These values about men and toughness are
so ordinary that they're everywhere … and invisible at the same time,
surrounding us like air or water. They're a lot like depression or anxiety in
that way.
我是從經驗中學到的，成長過程中你很快會瞭解身為一個男孩該如何表現，你瞭解「像個
男人」一樣需要些什麼。那就像戰術手冊一樣：堅強一點、別談論你的感受、自己去克服
，所以29年來我都是按照這樣的，而且我應該不是在說任何新鮮的事。這些關於男人和堅
韌的價值觀到處都是卻存在於無形之中，像空氣或水一樣環繞在我們身邊那樣，他們和憂
鬱或焦慮在這方面很相似。
So for 29 years, I thought about mental health as someone else's problem. Sure,
I knew on some level that some people benefited from asking for help or opening
up. I just never thought it was for me. To me, it was form of weakness that
could derail my success in sports or make me seem weird or different.
所以29年來我把心理健康想成是其他人的問題，當然我一定程度知道有些人從求助或敞開
內心而受益，只是從來不覺得那會是我。對我來說，那是一種軟弱的表現，而且可能破壞
我在運動中獲得的成功，或是讓我看起來很奇怪或不一樣。
Then came the panic attack.
然後恐慌發作來了。
It happened during a game.
那是在一場比賽中間發生的。
It was November 5th, two months and three days after I turned 29. We were at
home against the Hawks — 10th game of the season. A perfect storm of things
was about to collide. I was stressed about issues I'd been having with my
family. I wasn't sleeping well. On the court, I think the expectations for the
season, combined with our 4–5 start, were weighing on me.
那是11月5日，滿29歲之後的兩個月又三天，我們在主場對上老鷹隊，球季的第十場比賽，
一場完美風暴即將發生。那時因為一些家庭事務讓我很有壓力，睡得並不好。而在場上，
我想對這個球季的期待配上四勝五敗的開局也讓我覺得沉重。
I knew something was wrong almost right after tip-off.
幾乎是跳球過後我立刻知道事情有些不對。
I was winded within the first few possessions. That was strange. And my game
was just off. I played 15 minutes of the first half and made one basket and
two free throws.
在前幾個回合我就有些呼吸不順，那很奇怪，而我打得很糟糕，上場了15分鐘只投進一個
投籃和兩個罰球。
After halftime, it all hit the fan. Coach Lue called a timeout in the third
quarter. When I got to the bench, I felt my heart racing faster than usual.
Then I was having trouble catching my breath. It's hard to describe,
but everything was spinning, like my brain was trying to climb out of my head.
The air felt thick and heavy. My mouth was like chalk. I remember our assistant
coach yelling something about a defensive set. I nodded, but I didn't hear much
of what he said. By that point, I was freaking out. When I got up to walk out
of the huddle, I knew I couldn't reenter the game — like, literally couldn't
do it physically.
半場過後災難來了，Lue教練在第三節叫了一個站停，當回到板凳區時，我感覺心跳比平常
快，呼吸開始變得困難，那很難形容，但所有東西都在旋轉，像腦袋要從頭殼裡面爬出去
一樣，空氣感覺很厚重，我的嘴巴發白，助理教練在吼著一些關於防守的事，我點頭，但
沒有什麼聽進去。當我起身走向團聚的隊友，我知道沒辦法重新回到場上了，是真的在身
體上沒有辦法了。
Coach Lue came up to me. I think he could sense something was wrong. I blurted
something like, 「I'll be right back,」 and I ran back to the locker room. I
was running from room to room, like I was looking for something I couldn't
find. Really I was just hoping my heart would stop racing. It was like my body
was trying to say to me, You're about to die. I ended up on the floor in the
training room, lying on my back, trying to get enough air to breathe.
Lue教練走向我，我想他感覺到事情有點不對勁，我脫口而出一些像是：「我會馬上回來」
之類的話，然後跑回休息室，從一個房間跑到另一個房間，像是在找一些我找不到的東西
。但其實我只是希望心跳不要再那麼快了，那感覺像是身體在告訴我：「你快死了。」我
最後躺在訓練室的地板上，試著呼吸足夠的空氣。
The next part was a blur. Someone from the Cavs accompanied me to the Cleveland
Clinic. They ran a bunch of tests. Everything seemed to check out, which was a
relief. But I remember leaving the hospital thinking,ait … then what the hell
just happened?
接下來有點印象模糊，隊上的某個人陪我去克里夫蘭診所，他們做了一些測試，似乎都沒
有問題，鬆了一口氣。不過我記得離開醫院的時後我想著：「等一下，所以剛到底他x的發
生了什麼事？」
I was back for our next game against the Bucks two days later. We won, and I
had 32. I remember how relieved I was to be back on the court and feeling more
like myself. But I distinctly remember being more relieved than anything that
nobody had found out why I had left the game against Atlanta. A few people in
the organization knew, sure, but most people didn't and no one had written
about it.
兩天後和公鹿的下一場場比賽我回到隊上，我們贏了而且我得了32分，我記得能夠回到場
上而且表現得像自己有多麼讓我鬆一口氣。但我清楚得記得更讓我鬆一口氣的是，沒有人
發現我為什麼離開了對老鷹隊的那場比賽。當然有幾個工作人員知道，但多數人並不，而
且沒有人報導這件事。
A few more days passed. Things were going great on the court, but something was
weighing on me.
幾天過後，場上的一切很順利，但有些事讓我感覺沉重。
Why was I so concerned with people finding out?
為什麼我那麼在意被別人發現？
It was a wake-up call, that moment. I'd thought the hardest part was over after
I had the panic attack. It was the opposite. Now I was left wondering why it
happened — and why I didn't want to talk about it.
那個當下是一個警示，我會以為在恐慌發作之後最艱難的部份已經過去，但正好相反，我
開始想著為什麼會發生，還有為什麼不願談論這件事。
Call it a stigma or call it fear or insecurity — you can call it a number of
things — but what I was worried about wasn't just my own inner struggles but
how difficult it was toalk abouthem. I didn't want people to perceive me as
somehow less reliable as a teammate, and it all went back to the playbook I'd
learned growing up.
你可以叫這個現象各種名稱，不管是污名化或是恐懼或是沒有安全感，而我擔心的不只是
我自己的內在掙扎，還有要談論這些事有多困難。我不希望人們因此把我視為一個不那麼
可靠的隊友，而這一切都始於我成長過程中學到的那本戰術手冊。
This was new territory for me, and it was pretty confusing. But I was certain
about one thing: I couldn't bury what had happened and try to move forward.
As much as part of me wanted to, I couldn't allow myself to dismiss the panic
attack and everything underneath it. I didn't want to have to deal with
everything sometime in the future, when it might be worse. I knew that much.
這對我來說是新的領域，而且蠻令人困惑的。但我很確定一件事：我沒有辦法把發生過的
事情當作沒發生然後就試著往前走。一部分的我想的是，我不能讓自己忽視恐慌發作還有
那底下的事，我並不想在未來某個更糟的時候必須處理這些事，我知道的就這麼多。
So I did one seemingly little thing that turned out to be a big thing. The
Cavs helped me find a therapist, and I set up an appointment. I gotta stop
right here and just say: I'm the last person who'd have thought I'd be seeing
a therapist. I remember when I was two or three years into the league, a
friend asked me why NBA players didn't see therapists. I scoffed at the idea.
No way any of us is gonna talk to someone. I was 20 or 21 years old, and I'd
grown up around basketball. And on basketball teams? Nobody talked about what
they were struggling with on the inside. I remember thinking, What are my
problems? I'm healthy. I play basketball for a living. What do I have to
worry about? I'd never heard of any pro athlete talking about mental health,
and I didn't want to be the only one. I didn't want to look weak. Honestly,
I just didn't think I needed it. It's like the playbook said — figure it out
on your own, like everyone else around me always had.
所以我做了一件看起來微小後來卻變得重要的事，騎士隊幫我找了一個心理治療師，而我
預約了一個時間。我要在這裡停下來說：「我自己是那個覺得自己最不可能會去看心理治
療師的人。」記得剛進聯盟兩三年的時候，有朋友問我NBA球員會去看心理治療師嗎？我嘲
笑了那個想法：「我們之中的任何人都不可能去聊心事的。」那時候20還21歲，而我是圍
繞著籃球長大的，在籃球隊裡面？沒有人會說自己內心在掙扎些什麼的，我記得當初想著
：「我有什麼問題？我健康得很，我打籃球賺錢，我需要擔心些什麼？」我從來沒聽任何
職業運動員談論過心理健康，而我不想成為唯一的一個，我不想要看起來軟弱。誠實的說
那時候我就是不覺得我需要那些。就像那本戰術手冊說的：「像你身邊每個人一樣，自己
想辦法克服。」
But it's kind of strange when you think about it. In the NBA, you have trained
professionals to fine-tune your life in so many areas. Coaches, trainers and
nutritionists have had a presence in my life for years. But none of those
people could help me in the way I needed when I was lying on the floor
struggling to breathe.
但當你想到的時候會覺得有點奇怪，在NBA裡面，在許多方面你都會有經過訓練的專家可以
幫助你，教練、訓練員、營養師在我的生活中存在好多年了，但當我躺在地板上呼吸困難
時，那些人沒有一個可以幫助我。
Still, I went to my first appointment with the therapist with some skepticism.
I had one foot out the door. But he surprised me. For one thing, basketball
wasn't the main focus. He had a sense that the NBA wasn't the main reason I
was there that day, which turned out to be refreshing. Instead, we talked
about a range of non-basketball things, and I realized how many issues come
from places that you may not realize until you really look into them. I think
it's easy to assume we know ourselves, but once you peel back the layers it's
amazing how much there is to still discover.
儘管如此，我第一次去找心理治療師的時候仍半信半疑，隨時準備抽身，不過他讓我驚訝
了，一方面，籃球並不是主要的焦點，他有感受到NBA並不是我當天出現在那裡的主要原因
，那令人眼睛一亮。取而代之的，我們談了很多和籃球無關的事，然後我瞭解到有多少問
題是來自那些平常沒有想過，直到仔細看才會發現的地方。假設我們瞭解自己是容易的，
但你一旦剝開表層之後就會驚訝的發現還有多少等著探索。
Since then, we've met up whenever I was back in town, probably a few times
each month. One of the biggest breakthroughs happened one day in December
when we got to talking about my Grandma Carol. She was the pillar of our
family. Growing up, she lived with us, and in a lot of ways she was like
another parent to me and my brother and sister. She was the woman who had
a shrine to each of her grandkids in her room — pictures, awards, letters
pinned up on the wall. And she was someone with simple values that I admired.
It was funny, I once gave her a random pair of new Nikes, and she was so
blown away that she called me to say thank you a handful of times over the
year that followed.
那之後我們就會在我回到克城的時候碰面，大概一個月幾次吧。一次的重大進展發生在
12月，當我們談到我的阿罵Carol，她是我們家族中的支柱，成長過程中她和我們住在一起
，在很多方面她都是我和我兄弟姐妹的另一個家長。她是那種在自己房間裡面把每個孫子
的照片、獎狀、信，都釘在牆上的阿罵。而她是個我敬仰的、價值觀單純的人。說來好笑
，有一次我給了她幾雙Nike鞋，而她震驚得在接下來那年打了好幾次電話來說謝謝。
When I made the NBA, she was getting older, and I didn't see her as often as
I used to. During my sixth year with the T-Wolves, Grandma Carol made plans
to visit me in Minnesota for Thanksgiving. Then right before the trip, she was
hospitalized for an issue with her arteries. She had to cancel her trip. Then
her condition got worse quickly, and she fell into a coma. A few days later,
she was gone.
當我進NBA時，她已經越來越老了，而我不再那麼常看見她。在灰狼隊的第六年，Carol
阿罵曾經計劃到明尼蘇達找我過感恩節，但在出發前因為她的動脈問題而必須住院，只能
取消行程，接著情況惡化，她陷入昏迷，幾天後就過世了。
I was devastated for a long time. But I hadn't really ever talked about it.
Telling a stranger about my grandma made me see how much pain it was still
causing me. Digging into it, I realized that what hurt most was not being able
to say a proper goodbye. I'd never had a chance to really grieve, and I felt
terrible that I hadn't been in better touch with her in her last years. But I
had buried those emotions since her passing and said to myself, I have to focus
on basketball. I'll deal with it later. Be a man.
很長一段時間我心力交瘁，但我完全沒有提起過。告訴一個陌生人關於我阿罵的事，讓我
看見這件事對我來說仍有多痛苦。深入一點挖掘，我發現傷害最深的是沒能夠好好說再見
，我一直沒有機會好好的哀悼，而在她生命的最後幾年沒能夠和她好好的聯絡讓我覺得很
糟糕。但自從她過世之後我就埋葬了那些情緒並且告訴自己：「我必須要專注在籃球上，
情緒我之後會處理，像個男人吧！」
The reason I'm telling you about my grandma isn't really even about her. I
still miss her a ton and I'm probably still grieving in a way, but I wanted
to share that story because of how eye-opening it was toalk about it. In the
short time I've been meeting with the therapist, I've seen the power of saying
things out loud in a setting like that. And it's not some magical process.
It's terrifying and awkward and hard, at least in my experience so far. I
know you don't just get rid of problems by talking about them, but I've
learned that over time maybe you can better understand them and make them
more manageable. Look, I'm not saying,Everyone go see a therapist. The biggest
lesson for me since November wasn't about a therapist — it was about
confronting the fact that I needed help.
告訴你們關於我阿罵的事甚至並不是和她本人有關，我仍然很想念她、可能也還在以某種
形式哀悼，但我真的想分享這件事是因為，談論這件事讓我大開眼界。在和心理治療師會
面的短暫時間裡，我看見了在那樣的環境中把事情說出來有多大的威力，而那並不是魔法
。對我來說那是既可怕又尷尬而且困難的。我瞭解並不是說了以後問題就會不見，但隨著
時間過去我瞭解的是也許問題會變得更清楚也更能掌握。我並不是在說：「大家都去看心
理治療師吧！」11月以來對我來說最大的啟示並不是關於心理治療師，而是正面面對我需
要幫助的這個事實。
One of the reasons I wanted to write this comes from reading DeMar's comments
last week about depression. I've played against DeMar for years, but I never
could've guessed that he was struggling with anything. It really makes you
think about how we are all walking around with experiences and struggles —
all kinds of things — and we sometimes think we're the only ones going
through them. The reality is that we probably have a lot in common with what
our friends and colleagues and neighbors are dealing with. So I'm not saying
everyone should share all their deepest secrets — not everything should be
public and it's every person's choice. But creating a better environment for
talking about mental health … that's where we need to get to.
想要寫這篇的原因之一來自於上個禮拜DeRozan談到憂鬱症的一些話，我和他對戰好幾年了
，但我完全猜不到他有因為什麼事情掙扎著，那真的讓你想到我們每個人都帶著各種經驗
和掙扎，而有時我們會覺得自己是唯一在經歷的人，但真相是在和問題相處上面我們大概
和我們的朋友、同事、鄰居有許多共通點。所以我要說的並不是每個人都應該把心底最深
的秘密說出來，並不是每件事都應該要公開，而且這是每個人的選擇。但為談論心理健康
創造一個更好的環境，那是我們需要努力的。
Because just by sharing what he shared, DeMar probably helped some people —
and maybe a lot more people than we know — feel like they aren't crazy or
weird to be struggling with depression. His comments helped take some power
away from that stigma, and I think that's where the hope is.
DeRozan可能因為他所分享的事情而幫助了一些人，也許比我們知道的還多的人，讓他們發
現在憂鬱症裡面掙扎的自己並不是瘋了、也不奇怪。他所說的話減少了污名化的威力，而
我想那也是他所希望的。
I want to make it clear that I don't have things figured out about all of this.
I'm just starting to do the hard work of getting to know myself. For 29 years,
I avoided that. Now, I'm trying to be truthful with myself. I'm trying to be
good to the people in my life. I'm trying to face the uncomfortable stuff in
life while also enjoying, and being grateful for, the good stuff. I'm trying
to embrace it all, the good, bad and ugly.
我想澄清的是我並不是已經搞懂這些所有的事了，我才正開始努力瞭解我自己，29年來我
逃避了那件事，現在開始我試著對自己誠實，也試著好好對待我生命中的人，我試著面對
生命中令人不舒服的事，但同時享受和感激那些好事，我試著擁抱所有的一切，不管是好
的、壞的、醜陋的。
I want to end with something I'm trying to remind myself about these days:
Everyone is going through something that we can't see.
我想要用這些日子以來，每天試著提醒自己的事作結：每個人都在經歷著一些我們看不見
的困難。
I want to write that again: Everyone is going through something that we can't
see.
我想要再寫一次：每個人都在經歷著一些我們看不見的困難。
The thing is, because we can't see it, we don't know who's going through what
and we don't know when and we don't always know why. Mental health is an
invisible thing, but it touches all of us at some point or another. It's part
of life. Like DeMar said, 「You never know what that person is going through.」
正因為我們看不見，我們不會知道誰正在經歷什麼、是什麼時候經歷的、也並不總是知道
為什麼會經歷那些。心理健康是無形的東西，但在某些時刻我們每個人都會碰到，那是生
命的一部份。像DeRozan說的：「你永遠不會知道那個人在經歷些什麼困難。」
Mental health isn't just an athlete thing. What you do for a living doesn't
have to define who you are. This is an everyone thing. No matter what our
circumstances, we're all carrying around things that hurt — and they can
hurt us if we keep them buried inside. Not talking about our inner lives robs
us of really getting to know ourselves and robs us of the chance to reach out
to others in need. So if you're reading this and you're having a hard time,
no matter how big or small it seems to you, I want to remind you that you're
not weird or different for sharing what you're going through.
心理健康並不只是運動員的事，你是什麼樣的人並不是被你從事的工作所定義，這是每個
人的事。不管是什麼情況，我們都帶著會令人受傷的事，而如果把這些事藏在心裡，他們
就會造成傷害。不談論內心世界讓我們無法真的瞭解自己，也讓我們沒有機會對需要幫助
的人伸出援手。所以如果你正在看這篇文章而你過得並不好，不管對你來說看起來是多大
或多小的困難，我想要跟你說的是，分享你正在經歷的事情並不奇怪、也沒有不尋常。
Just the opposite. It could be the most important thing you do. It was for me.
正好相反，那可能會是你所做的最重要的事，對我來說那就是最重要的事。
--
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推
03/07 04:37,
6年前
, 1F
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6年前
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※ 編輯: noahlin (123.193.60.85), 03/07/2018 04:45:18
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6年前
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還有 41 則推文
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03/07 10:45,
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6年前
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→
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6年前
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03/07 10:58, 86F
※ 編輯: noahlin (123.193.60.85), 03/07/2018 11:11:14
推
03/07 11:26,
6年前
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03/07 11:26, 87F
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03/07 18:47,
6年前
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03/08 04:04,
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03/08 12:55,
6年前
, 118F
03/08 12:55, 118F
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