Re: [寫作] 請幫我修改作文
※ 引述《jt910203 (aa)》之銘言：
: 這邊作文的題目是要寫
: 1.運動的好處
: 2.你最喜歡做什麼運動,為什麼？
: There are many advantages for us to do exercise every day. First, we can keep
(1) 「好處」用 benefits 比較適當。advantages 比較不好。
(2) There are ... 開頭的句子，怎麼看都很繞口。很像從中文直接翻譯的。
Everybody knows exercise is good for one's health. However the actual
benefits of regular exercise are less well-known. This article describes
three ways that exercise can improve your life.
: healthy via doing exercise regularly. Second, If you want to be in a good
「keep healthy」太過籠統。個人覺得應該要具體一點。不過也許這超過中級英檢
的要求。
First, regular exercise prevents undesirable weight gain, or,
given appropriate calorie control, can even facilitates weight loss.
: shape, it is one of the great medicine much more effective than healthy
(1) 「one of the greatest」
(2) medicine 和 much more ... 之間文法不正確
Second, exercises or other physical activities help you prevent a number
of health problems, such as stroke, metabolic syndrome, type 2 diabetes,
and so on.
: products. Third, you can also make a lot of congenial friends with common
: hobbies.
(1) 這第三點，我覺得邏輯或文意上，有一點不通。
Last but not the least, exercise boots your energy, thereby
making you a more socially attractive person.
: Both baseball and basketball are my favorite sports. I had crushed on playing
(1) 這第二段和第一段的連結並不好。感覺很唐突。
Speaking of myself, my favorite exercises or sports are baseball
and basketball.
: baseball since I saw the cartoon-Major in elementary school. I really admire
(1) 過去完成式不恰當。
(2) Major 是大聯盟卡通？要講清楚，不然沒人知道。
My obsession with baseball started when I was a primary school student.
At the time I was a big fan of the Japanese cartoon series called "Major".
: the main characters in this cartoon, their awesome performance in
: competitions and friendship made me envy. I played it very hard in order to
(1) really admire 時態不對
(2) in this cartoon 和 their awesome ... 之間要斷句，或加上連接詞。
One of the reasons that I love this cartoon so much is that
the main character, Goro Shigeno, never gives up playing baseball
even though his shoulder was injured. For me that was a
demonstration of passion and faith for something you really like.
: become the cartoons character-Honda. Although it doesn’t have many
(1) 「I played it very hard...」 是說你花很多時間打棒球？老實說這句
話很不清楚。
: opportunities to play baseball now, I still watch profession games on
: television.
(1) 「It」 doesn't have many opportunities ... 文法有問題。
As a senior college student, I don't have too much time to play
baseball anymore, but I still keep my eyes on the Major League Baseball
games very closely.
: On the other hand, I also like to play basketball because the sports is easy
: to play for me. When I made a three-points shots, I could get much of
: accomplishment from it.
(1) 「On the other hand...」有點怪。和上文接不起來。「easy to play」我也
看不懂指的是什麼。
(2) 這一段沒結尾。
(3) 這一整篇文章沒結論。
Basketball is the other favorite sport of mine. Making
a successful three-point shot can without a doubt increases one's
sense of satisfaction.
要記得寫結論。
Knowing the benefits of exercise is not enough, to get the benefits,
you have to develop the habit of working out regularly. At the
same time, remember to avoid exercise-induced injuries.
※ 編輯: hoch 來自: 120.126.36.193 (02/15 18:34)
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02/16 00:19, , 1F
02/16 00:19, 1F
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