[寫作]一個短篇小故事，可以幫我看一下文法嗎?

看板Eng-Class作者g19413 (龐龐〃)時間12年前 (2012/06/11 00:29)推噓4(4推 0噓 4→)

留言8則, 6人參與討論串1/2 (看更多)

Number When I opened my eyes in the morning, I thought it was just a normal day as usual. I had woken up before my alarm clock rang. After I brushed my teeth, I picked up a dress for a date. I was supposed to meet my friend Sarah at the coffee shop at the corner of the street. I didn’t find out something was different until I went outside. As I walked down the street, I noticed that everyone had a number shown above their head and the number kept changing. I didn’t pay too much attention on that number; I thought that was a new-looking style . Sarah was already at the coffee shop before I stepped in. She waved at me and I walked to the table after ordering. “You came pretty early!” she said. “I know that you would kill me if I were late. We have been friends for ten years.” I replied while sitting down. I noticed that there was also a number above Sarah’s head. So I asked her about it, “Is that a new kind of style?” “What are you talking about?” “The number above your head!”, I said. She gave me a weird look as if I was out of my mind, and said “Did you sleep well last night?” Then I knew something was wrong. “Am I the only one can see the number?”I thought and replied “Never mind.” I tried to figure out what happened to me. I looked out of the window and saw a bus stop. There was a bus going to depart while a young man was trying to catch it. I noticed that the number changed as soon as the man stepped on the bus. All the people on that bus had the same number. They all showed zero. While the bus was crossing the street, a truck in a fast speeds seemed out of control and hit the bus. With a really loud noise, the bus overturned and slide for long distance. It was so horrible, and a thought came in to my mind. The number meant the time which person have left. If it had counted to zero, it meant the person has no more time to live. I was so terrify when I found out the truth. “I need to go to the restroom.” I said to Sarah when she was still in astonishment. I tried to clear my mind by washing my face with cold water. The last time I looked in the mirror I couldn’t remember seeing my number. I looked up to check in the mirror. I saw it. I saw a number shown above my head. I only had five minutes left. “Am I really going to die?” the thought came in to my mind. “Is Sarah going to kill me?” I couldn’t help but thinking who was going to kill me. Because there was too much things going in my mind I tripped over and fell down the stairs. I screamed as I falling down. I kept screaming while I was opening my eyes. I could see my room’s ceiling. It was just a dream, and my alarm had ringed for five minutes. I rushed to the mirror to check was there any number counting down. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief when I saw only my pale face in the mirror. But when I glimpse at the clock, I screamed and shouted, “I am late for the date! Sarah is going to kill me. ” -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 140.138.226.60

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balloon

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