Re: [請益] 英文作文請幫忙修改!!

看板Eng-Class作者i23412 (從零開始)時間13年前 (2010/12/05 14:10)推噓3(3推 0噓 7→)

留言10則, 3人參與討論串3/3 (看更多)

※ 引述《aweful (jet)》之銘言： : ※ 引述《i23412 (從零開始)》之銘言：謝謝修改真的幫了我很大的忙但有點疑問想請問一下 : : Because of summer vacation, there is nothing to do all day. I am bored to : : death. At the time, Joss sent a message to me. She said she has a part time : : job vacancy, and she hopes I can company her to do it. She can share her : : salary with me. It sounded so nice. I agree it without hesitation when she : : proposed. She waits for me in front of a bookstore. : As for summer vacation, I had nothing to do all day, feeling very bored. : At the time, Joss sent me a message, iviting me to take a part time job with : her. It seems so nice, so I accepted her invitation without hesitation. : Joss told me that she would wait for me in front of the bookstore. : : To my surprise, I saw long lines in front of the bookstore when I arrived at : : the bookstore. Joss told me today is first day that a concert ticket sale for : : Japan group. Her part time job is to buy the ticket. Her hourly pay is three : : hundred dollars. I think it is an easy job because we don’t need to labor so : : hard. We just spend our time on wait. We sat on the end of the long line. I : : observe other people in the long line. I can’t image how long they have been : : waiting. I saw a girl ahead of us. She is a short slim girl. She has a square : : face, brown eyes and upturned nose. She has her long black hair, and she : : wears high school uniform, but now is Friday noon. So I think she skip class. : : She holds the group’s picture. She looks at the picture for a long time, and : : her expression is so complicated. Sometime she looks so excited, but sometime : : she looks so guilty and fear. I believe that she really wants to participate : : in the concert, but she afraid that she will be punished for skip class. Most : : of people wait with their friends, and they play difference game to kill : : time. Some people play bridge or mahjong. The mahjong catches my eyes because : : it is mini size. It so special, I never see it. Everyone has difference way : : to kill their time. It is interesting to observe what they are doing. : To my surprise, I saw a long line of people at the gate of the bookstore : when I met Joss there. Joss told me that there would be a concert of music by : a Japanese band, and the tickets were being on sale at the first day today. : on sale 不是特價的意思嗎？應該要改用go on sale嗎? Our part time job is to buy the tickets, and our payment is 300 dollars per : hour. The work is not hard to be done because what we do is to spend hours : waiting in line for the tickets. When we sat at the end of the line and kept :這裡要介系詞嗎?hours和waiting wating, I began observing the other pepole in the long line, couldn't imagine : how long they have kept waiting. At the same time, I noticed a girl ahead of : us. The girl had a round face, a pair of brown eyes and a upturned(??) nose : with long and black hairs, wearing uniform of high school. She has been : looking at the picture for a long time, and her expression on face is : sometimes complicated, either looks excited, guilty or fearing. I thought : she might really want to go the the concert, but fearing to be punished : for the reason of skipping class. Some other people in waiting played bridge : or mahjone. The mahjone attracted my attention becasue it was very special : with mini size, and I have never seen it. Everyone in the line had defferent : ways to kill time, which was interesting to be observed. : : It’s so intensely hot and muggy today. The sun shine is so brightly. After : : we have been waiting for six hours, we sweat a lot. We got the ticket and : : salary. Although it is an effortless part time job, we spent much time just : : on wait. It is drive me crazy. : It was a seriously hot and muggy day with bright sunshine. After six hours' : waiting, our body were soaked in sweat. In the end, we got the tickets and : the payment. Even if it was not a hard work to be done, but we have spent too : much time in waiting, which made me crazy. : 整篇文比較中文口語化﹐寫英文盡量避免這樣做。 : 英文的特點是簡潔明快﹐盡量避免長句﹐盡量用簡單的詞匯組成短句直截了當描述 : 出來。句與句之間不是獨立存在的﹐注意用 and, as, because 這些介詞起承轉合﹐ : 相同主語的語句要注意合並﹐有時應用被動句﹐不然顯得累贅難看。不好意思麻煩你了!真的很感謝 -- -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 114.34.178.52

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