Re: [請益] 英文作文請幫忙修改!!
※ 引述《i23412 (從零開始)》之銘言：
: Because of summer vacation, there is nothing to do all day. I am bored to
: death. At the time, Joss sent a message to me. She said she has a part time
: job vacancy, and she hopes I can company her to do it. She can share her
: salary with me. It sounded so nice. I agree it without hesitation when she
: proposed. She waits for me in front of a bookstore.
As for summer vacation, I had nothing to do all day, feeling very bored.
At the time, Joss sent me a message, iviting me to take a part time job with
her. It seems so nice, so I accepted her invitation without hesitation.
Joss told me that she would wait for me in front of the bookstore.
: To my surprise, I saw long lines in front of the bookstore when I arrived at
: the bookstore. Joss told me today is first day that a concert ticket sale for
: Japan group. Her part time job is to buy the ticket. Her hourly pay is three
: hundred dollars. I think it is an easy job because we don’t need to labor so
: hard. We just spend our time on wait. We sat on the end of the long line. I
: observe other people in the long line. I can’t image how long they have been
: waiting. I saw a girl ahead of us. She is a short slim girl. She has a square
: face, brown eyes and upturned nose. She has her long black hair, and she
: wears high school uniform, but now is Friday noon. So I think she skip class.
: She holds the group’s picture. She looks at the picture for a long time, and
: her expression is so complicated. Sometime she looks so excited, but sometime
: she looks so guilty and fear. I believe that she really wants to participate
: in the concert, but she afraid that she will be punished for skip class. Most
: of people wait with their friends, and they play difference game to kill
: time. Some people play bridge or mahjong. The mahjong catches my eyes because
: it is mini size. It so special, I never see it. Everyone has difference way
: to kill their time. It is interesting to observe what they are doing.
To my surprise, I saw a long line of people at the gate of the bookstore
when I met Joss there. Joss told me that there would be a concert of music by
a Japanese band, and the tickets were being on sale at the first day today.
Our part time job is to buy the tickets, and our payment is 300 dollars per
hour. The work is not hard to be done because what we do is to spend hours
waiting in line for the tickets. When we sat at the end of the line and kept
wating, I began observing the other pepole in the long line, couldn't imagine
how long they have kept waiting. At the same time, I noticed a girl ahead of
us. The girl had a round face, a pair of brown eyes and a upturned(??) nose
with long and black hairs, wearing uniform of high school. She has been
looking at the picture for a long time, and her expression on face is
sometimes complicated, either looks excited, guilty or fearing. I thought
she might really want to go the the concert, but fearing to be punished
for the reason of skipping class. Some other people in waiting played bridge
or mahjone. The mahjone attracted my attention becasue it was very special
with mini size, and I have never seen it. Everyone in the line had defferent
ways to kill time, which was interesting to be observed.
: It’s so intensely hot and muggy today. The sun shine is so brightly. After
: we have been waiting for six hours, we sweat a lot. We got the ticket and
: salary. Although it is an effortless part time job, we spent much time just
: on wait. It is drive me crazy.
It was a seriously hot and muggy day with bright sunshine. After six hours'
waiting, our body were soaked in sweat. In the end, we got the tickets and
the payment. Even if it was not a hard work to be done, but we have spent too
much time in waiting, which made me crazy.
整篇文比較中文口語化﹐寫英文盡量避免這樣做。
英文的特點是簡潔明快﹐盡量避免長句﹐盡量用簡單的詞匯組成短句直截了當描述
出來。句與句之間不是獨立存在的﹐注意用 and, as, because 這些介詞起承轉合﹐
相同主語的語句要注意合並﹐有時應用被動句﹐不然顯得累贅難看。
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