[剪報] Baker的訪問全文
Baker: I'm an alcoholic
Celtic speaks candidly about problem
By Shira Springer, Globe Staff, 9/11/2003
DURHAM, Conn. -- When Vin Baker opened the door to his brick
mansion late Tuesday night, he looked different than he did
six months ago. He was clear-eyed and harder edged. Most
noticeably, the puffiness that followed his jawline was gone.
He sounded different, too; stronger and surer.
It has been a long journey, and Baker was ready to speak
candidly and publicly for the first time about events that
led the Celtics to suspend him Feb. 27.
"I am an alcoholic," Baker said, detailing a struggle with
"binge drinking" that reached such a self-destructive level
last season that he went through nearly four months of
treatment to change his life. Now, with Celtics training camp
three weeks away, he believes he has an opportunity to save
his career. In a wide-ranging interview, Baker discussed his
treatment, his early denial, the team practices where he
admittedly smelled of alcohol, the concerns coach Jim O'Brien
voiced in December, the pressures that came with a contract
worth approximately $86 million and All-Star honors, the start
of his drinking problem following the lockout in 1998-99, the
plans for a successful return to NBA life, and the challenge
of winning back teammates and fans.
Last Wednesday, Baker marked six months of sobriety. He stopped
drinking the day he was suspended. He has spent the summer
eagerly preparing for a return to the NBA. With a private
trainer and two workouts a day, Baker has trimmed down to a
sculpted 241 pounds, his playing weight his first two seasons
in the league and at least 15 pounds lighter than he appeared
last season. He suffers no lingering health problems. While
Baker feels his lift, coordination, speed, and skill have
returned, he is keeping his expectations vague. No numbers,
just meaningful contributions to the Celtics. Poor performances
coupled with unfulfilled expectations, in large part, precipitated
the drinking problem, he said.
"The Celtics, the organization, cared for me as a person," said
Baker. "The suspension gave me a chance at a new life, gave me a
new lease on life, gave me a new chance at my career. I know a
lot of people view the suspension as an ax job and he's out of
here. But I didn't view it as that. I viewed it as a chance that
they gave me to change my life. Obviously, now six months later
with not touching a drink, I can see clearly how that gave me a
new lease on life.
"I don't know how much I was hiding it or how much I was covering
it up. It wasn't a situation where I would get plastered or get
wasted. I just didn't want to think about the success that I wasn't
having that I had in the beginning of my career. It would just be a
situation where I would try to numb myself to all the expectations.
So, it could be three days in a row, four days in a row, or it could
be no [drinking at all for] a day. It was in and out. It was like
binge drinking."
After binge drinking for approximately four years and slipping from
All-Star to sparingly used backup center, Baker, at the insistence
of the Celtics, sought treatment. He checked into Silver Hill Hospital
in New Canaan, Conn., March 4 for a 28-day rehabilitation program. He
was then supervised for 10 weeks as an outpatient with daily visits
and testing at Silver Hill. Contrary to published reports, Baker said
he has never suffered from and is not receiving any treatment for
depression.
Support system set
Since finishing treatment, Baker has gradually made a fresh start,
ridding himself of bad habits and bad influences while rededicating
himself to basketball. After stops in Miami and Las Vegas, his
training routine continues in Connecticut, where he works out at
home in the morning and plays pickup games with the UConn men's
team in the afternoon. During the last eight weeks, Baker has
worked to integrate travel, training, and a sober lifestyle. He
attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings two or three
times a week and talks with his sponsor every day.
Before training camp starts, Baker, the Celtics, and the league
will finalize plans for a support network that will stretch to all
NBA cities. He plans to attend AA meetings upon arriving at
different NBA stops. He will have counselors available in every
city and someone he can talk to on the team, if any issues arise.
He will carry a cellphone specially dedicated for calls to and
from league and team officials. He will be tested during the season.
"I feel like in the last six months, I've come full circle and
come back to the person I was before all this started, before
[my career in] the NBA started," Baker said. "So, the people that
I hang around with, the places that I go [have changed]. Those
components make me say that I don't want to drink anymore. But I
have to say that every day. As much as this has been such a
successful last six months for me, I have to say to you that today
I'm sober. I know the education and how powerful alcoholism
can be.
"I have to work every day to say, `I'm not going to go here. I
certainly shouldn't be there. I certainly shouldn't be around
that person.' Then, you have to fill in those times with things
that are good for you, working out, being in the gym, being with
my kids, being with my family. All those things make up 24 hours
for me. They don't make up the next five years. They just make up
24 hours, saying, `You know what? I'm not going to have a drink
today.' As much as I want to say, I'm not going to ever have a
drink, I have to take it 24 hours at a time. That way has worked
for six months."
Baker would like to keep his attention focused toward next season,
but he knows he must account for what happened in his first season
with the Celtics. In a well-documented downturn, Baker averaged 5.2
points per game and 3.8 rebounds before his suspension. There was
an obvious erosion of skill and athleticism. He appeared
uncoordinated, particularly when trying to finish around the
basket. He seemed disoriented, out of synch, distracted during
many of the 18.1 minutes per game he played.
Although O'Brien was steadfast in his public support for Baker
and repeatedly talked about the veteran center making adjustments
to a new system, the head coach privately sought to address the
alcoholism, according to Baker. It was not poor play in games, but
practices that may have provided the strongest evidence of a serious
problem. According to Baker, O'Brien met with him in December and
January in an attempt to help (when reached by phone yesterday,
O'Brien declined to comment) and later visited Baker at Silver Hill.
"Coach sat me down a couple times and said, `If you think there's
an issue, then we need to deal with it,' " said Baker. "That was
from smelling [the alcohol] in practice. He wanted to deal with it.
Obviously, the alcoholism and the alcoholic speaking say, `No,
there's no problem coach. I'm going to be fine.' "
But Baker was trapped in an endless cycle, where poor performances
led to drinking and drinking led to more poor performances. He did
much of his drinking privately, in his suburban Boston home or in
hotel rooms after the many disappointing games.
"I always had in the back of my mind, I always said, `If I don't do
well tonight or if I don't go out and play up to my standards, then
I'm just going to go out and drink to get rid of the pain or get rid
of the fact that I wasn't successful,' " Baker said. "I was never
going to give myself a chance to do well as long as I was drinking
the night before or as long as I drank the previous four nights.
So, I was working against the odds.
"You're drinking too much [is] the biggest problem, and then you're
not playing well. So, it compounds and compounds. The days keep
going. Like I learned up at Silver Hill, it's always `Poor me, poor
me, pour me another drink.' That's how it was."
Meetings, treatment
There is only so much that mouthwash and cologne can cover. Baker
suspects those close to him knew what was happening. By February,
the new Celtics owners not only recognized what was going on, they
also saw a need to take action. It was one of the first crises with
which the new ownership dealt. There were lengthy conversations
among owners Wyc and Irv Grousbeck, Bob Epstein and Steve Pagliuca
and Celtics lawyer Neil Jacobs, where Baker's future was discussed.
There was also a meeting after the All-Star break among Baker,
Baker's family and representatives, the ownership and team officials.
The same parties met again after the Celtics returned from their
mid-February tour of the Western Conference. Medical experts were
also consulted.
"It was a group effort," owner Wyc Grousbeck said. "We had serious
discussions and negotiations about how it all ought to be. But the
goal was to give this player the structure and support and incentive
that he needed, so, it made it very clear that his best choice was
to make a change."
The meetings ultimately led to treatment. While initially reluctant
to see himself as an alcoholic, Baker gradually took advantage of
the education, counseling, and group therapy Silver Hill offered.
He left calling it the "best experience" of his life. From the
outside, that would seem an odd description for a rehabilitation
center where classes started at 8:30 a.m. and ran throughout the
day. In the evening, Baker and other patients could watch movies
with alcohol or drug-related themes. There was "28 Days" starring
Sandra Bullock and "Less Than Zero" featuring Robert Downey Jr.
Initially, Baker spent a lot of time in his room, reading
motivational books, the Bible and information about alcoholism.
The education provided by Silver Hill was directed toward
identifying the symptoms of alcoholism. Baker said it was like
a checklist of the life he had led. In group therapy, patients
discussed a particular topic, such as how they hid their
addiction from their families.
Although Silver Hill is a facility accustomed to dealing with
celebrity patients, that didn't make Baker any more comfortable
"on campus" his first few weeks. Baker admitted he "was on this
whole professional athlete thing" at first. He was also in denial.
He said to himself, "Oh, I'm not an alcoholic. I want out of here.
I'm not like the people in here." But Baker learned he did have a
problem and that his alcoholism was much bigger than his status as
a professional athlete.
"It was tough at first to walk up there because I was like, `Gosh,
everyone's going to know I'm here,' " Baker said. "For the first
two or three weeks, I had that feeling. But what I figured out after
three weeks was that it wasn't about me the athlete up there. I was
up there to get help. I was up there to change my life. Part of
changing my life was being honest with myself, being honest with
the people around me, being able to trust the people around me.
"The more people that know that I'm an alcoholic, or the more
people that know I have this problem, the more people I'm going
to have to be accountable to. And I want to be accountable. I
kind of got rid of that notion that, `Oh, I don't want them to
know' because it's a part of me. I want people to say he's doing
a wonderful job. The success that I had initially in basketball
I started applying to my sobriety. I wanted to be successful in
that. I was driven to be sober."
Back to basketball
According to Baker, the toughest part of inpatient treatment came
when he had to say he was an alcoholic for the first time. It was
tough the second time and the third time, too. But Baker met the
challenges of inpatient treatment, and after nearly a month, he
was allowed to commute. Baker made the 80-minute trip every day,
arriving in time for the 8:30 class. In his 2 1/2 months as an
outpatient, he slept at home, got tested every day and attended
AA meetings at night, in addition to the daily routine
he had established during his inpatient stay.
While at home, Baker willed himself to watch the Celtics on
television a few times. He became a fan. With the exception of
a brief trip to the basketball court at Silver Hill, Baker went
without playing or practicing for three months.
In late May, he went to the University of Hartford to participate
in pickup games with college players from his alma mater. It was
a start. Baker also began to work on conditioning with personal
trainer James Lloyd that month. His sessions consisted of running
on a treadmill, biking and lifting weights. In mid-June, Baker
started with two-a-days entirely devoted to conditioning. He
lifted weights and sprinted on the treadmill in the morning. He
cycled and went through a series of sprints on the court in
the evening. He has done basketball work for only a month.
"For me, I've worked so hard this summer physically," Baker said.
"I've worked harder mentally and emotionally. What I've worked for
is to come back and help the team, whatever way I can help the team.
What capacity that's in right now, I don't know. I just know I've
worked my butt off to get back on the court and be in good shape.
A realistic goal? Just coming out and competing and having fun and
helping this team win. I really feel like I can help this team win
basketball games. Honestly, I can't give you a number on rebounds
and points. But my goal is not just to stay sober every night and
have people say, `Oh, he's doing great.' "
These days, Baker has structured his workouts similar to what he
expects to face at Celtics training camp. He runs the treadmill
and lifts weights in the morning, then heads to Storrs for
scrimmages every afternoon. In games, he goes up against UConn
standout Emeka Okafor. He plays for approximately two hours.
"My legs are back, my lift is back," Baker said. "But again, I've
got to test it. Jumping in the gym by yourself is completely
different than jumping with nine other people on the floor
competing for rebounds. It's different. I can drill all day.
We'll have another conversation Oct. 2 or 3, and I'll tell you
a little bit more how I feel. I don't want to set any unrealistic
goals, but I just feel great.
"Conditioning-wise, this probably is the best I've been in any of
my seasons coming back. Now, it's about just getting on the floor
and playing. I've obviously answered the questions for me from the
physical standpoint. Now, it's the emotional part, getting back out
and enjoying it and playing the game like I played it eight years
ago, five years ago. I'm working on that every day. That's my trips
up to Storrs. It's the psyche that I've got to work on now, and I
think it's coming."
Although not intended as tests, Baker spent time working out in
Miami and Las Vegas, cities known for vibrant party scenes. In
both cities, Baker said he was not even tempted to drink, though
he was accompanied by a league representative in both places.
Baker added he never thought about going to South Beach or the
casino at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino where he was staying in
Las Vegas. For Baker, the experience in both cities was similar
to traveling with an NBA team, and in that respect, the trips
were good preparation.
While Baker has worked hard physically and mentally to prepare
himself for next season with the Celtics, there are still aspects
of life as a professional athlete that he cannot control. He knows
he will still be judged by many in terms of the three years and
roughly $43 million remaining on his contract. And Baker said he
must apologize to his teammates. Several times Baker tried to
watch tapes of his play last season but could not do it. He didn't
want to remind himself of the player and person he was. When
training camp starts, he will have to face teammates who dealt
daily with the player and person he was last year.
"I want to get a chance to talk to my teammates and apologize to
them for last year and talk to them about the things that I've
gone through," Baker said. "I really sincerely think that I owe
my teammates an apology. But the biggest way to win my teammates
back is to come and give an effort every day in practice and
training camp and work as hard as I possibly can. I didn't do
that last year for them, not in training camp, not during the
season. What I want to say to them I've been doing in the gym. I
think at the end of the day they're going to respect that and
appreciate that more than any words I could ever say to them."
And what about the fans?
"The only thing that I can hope for is that people understand
that I went through a situation that was very tough for me,"
Baker said. "It's something that was bigger than basketball,
bigger than scoring 20 points a game. I hope they can understand
that. If they don't understand that, that will be something that
I have to live with. As honest as I'm being, there's going to be
some people who aren't going to buy it. Those are the people I'm
going to have to say, `Buy [my hustling] up and down the court,
buy blocking shots, buy rebounding.' That's going to be the answer."
Baker is eager to show fans, teammates, and coaches what he can
do as a sober NBA player. Until then, he enjoys a better
relationship with his parents and three children. "It never
crossed my mind to stop playing basketball," Baker said. "All
the time that I was out and I wasn't playing last season and
obviously the time during the summer, all I thought about was
that this is going to make me better. I'm going to be better
physically. I'm going to be better emotionally."
c Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.
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