[認真] 討厭甲卻又可能是甲
從遇到那個人前我對任何人的外貌、人格或是魅力等等都是保持著欣賞的態度,我也從未特別關注過任何人,也可能是我邊緣。
但自從上高中之後從見面的那刻,就對他特別的有好感,彷彿是見到摯友一般,總是想靠近他,我和他回家的路線大致是相同的,但我卻不是個聊天的好對象,他也不是個喜歡主動開口的人,因此在路上總是格外的尷尬,一路無語。
最要命的點來了,在某次機會下被邀請到了他家,但大家回去時,我卻因為雨太大而單獨留下,夜晚,他要我找謎片讓他看,那時的我對於性這方面純白的就像張紙,除了國中壓力太大下,不小心弄了出來,之後之前都曾未有過其他經驗,連謎片也未看過,在這方面他更是純,連玩都沒玩過。
看了之後,他似乎是性慾一發不可收拾,一開使要我打手槍告訴他感覺,演變到告訴他如何打手槍,到最後變成幫他打手槍,我拗不過他答應了,打了一個多小時,但連我自己都沒過的經驗怎麼可能有辦法幫別人,這時他要我幫他口交,我心中一想,摸都摸過了,在他的要求下,心一橫就含下去了,這一含不得了,他連思考的能力都喪失,要我玩他的蛋
蛋,但弄了這麼久,他還是沒有出來,這時換手,或許是因為有了口水的潤滑,他的感覺馬上來了,緊接著就是一陣收縮,他希望我把它吃下去(怕床髒掉),但在我的堅持下,只到衛生紙上,在我們兩個分別的清洗完各自後就睡了,一夜無語。
在那期間我的分身除了在一開始碰到他的小分身的時後是硬的,之後都是軟的,但有留水。
在那之後我對於他,或許是因為它的極大反差,反而對他更有好感,他平常是一個陽光男孩,很有氣質,人也帥,但我卻什麼都不是,唯一的用處是不會拒絕人的工具人,而他,更是令我難以拒絕,而後看到他總是會不斷的想觀察他的身體,我的某個開關像是被觸動般,看虐酷小說、對高顏值的男性更是吸引我的目光等等,但對於女性還是只有欣賞。
我,是不是甲?
我,能不能回到以前的樣子?
我好害怕、討厭自己是甲,我要怎麼辦?
我現在要上大學了且與他脫離了同學的關係,之後我如果不再靠近他,情況會不會好轉?
他依然是正的,但我覺得我被掰歪了。
附上我的情況,
我在他面前自卑,但我對別人高傲,
我在他面前聽話,但又對父母叛逆,
我總是把好的給他,對旁人卻很自私,
我常在睡前意淫他,後悔那天沒品嚐他的精華
我快被這樣的自己弄瘋了我要怎麼辦?
有沒有人有類似的經驗告訴我該怎麼做?
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※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/sex/M.1502564281.A.968.html
※ 編輯: AristoCracy (42.77.135.158), 08/13/2017 03:00:54
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※ 編輯: AristoCracy (42.77.135.158), 08/13/2017 03:04:19
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