Re: [寫作班] 托福第34週 Anthony
看板ST-English作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/05/21 02:39)推噓1(1推 0噓 0→)留言1則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)
The first paragraph is good, but seems disconntected with the subsequent
paragraphs. 1st para: health is important, 2nd para: exercise, what's the
relationship? I think you need to mention the main idea in the 1st para.
※ 引述《clhs04 (bibby)》之銘言：
: People do many different things to stay healthy.
: What do you do for good health?
: The idea of staying healthy is not unfamiliar to us. Our parents and teachers
: always put emphasis on the importance and necessity of staying healthy. In
: addition, it is our general habit to send blessing to someone as wishing you
: happiness and health. What’s more, the escalating emergence of nutritional
: supplements also reflects people’s strong desire to get healthy. Health is,
: without a doubt, an important issue for everyone.
: Exercise is the first building block to live a healthy life. I play basketball
: very often not only for the enjoyment of cooperation with teammates but also
: for the great excitement of competition against rivals. Besides basketball
: court, strength and conditioning center is another place I usually spend
: couples of hours to stay in. Aiming at honing athletic skills, I improve my
: muscular strength, endurance and flexibility using varieties of facilities in
: the center. I also got yoga classes in my schedule. As a beginner in yoga, what
: I can do in classes is nothing more than expressing my astonishment and
: admiration to the teacher and classmates for their awesome movements. The
: refreshment and pleasure yoga brings me is beyond description and I like it
: very much.
2nd para, the first part about basketball and gym makes sense, but the 2nd
part about yoga classes seem distractive. How do your admiration and liking
for yoga relate to staying health?
: Positive thinking is another thing I bear in mind. I am an optimistic person
: and always look on the bright side of life. I told myself that endings are also
: beginnings when I ended a romance. Facing difficulties on the way to the
: pursuit of my goal, to name a few, such as studying abroad or boosting up my
: vertical jump, I quoted inspiring sentences in “the last lecture” and spoke
: to myself that the brick walls are there for a reason and they give us a chance
: to show that how badly we want something. Also, negative comments or sarcastic
: criticism by others are great motivations for me to prove myself. On the other
: hand, Instead of comparing myself to others, I build up my confidence via
: surpassing myself. I understand that people are not born equal in every aspect.
: That is, people’s talents, resources and situations are not always the same
: and therefore it doesn’t make sense to make comparison between others and me.
this para has the similar problem. how does positive thinking relate to
health? I understand that you might want to say positive thinking is
conducive to mental health. so you might want to emphasize that. Or in the
1st para you can state explicitly how you maintain both physical and mental
health. that would be clearer.
: Maintaining good relationships with others is also important when it comes to
: the integrity of health. I make my mind open to communicate with others not
: only face to face but also through the internet. When I meet foreign students
: in my dormitory, it’s always fun to have chat with them because they lead me
: to a whole new world by cross-cultural communicating. Communicating with others
: means more chance to live a colorful and cheerful life. What’s more, I can
: alleviate my pressure through the conversation with my friends or professors.
: I share my stories, emotions and thoughts with them and also get some
: feedbacks.
similar problem.
: To put it briefly, I put lots of effort, not only physically but also
: psychologically, to make good health. I do lots of exercise and live abide by
: positive thinking. Also, I maintain good relationship with others to paint my
: life with varieties of colors and make it a bright one. That’s the way I do
: for the making of good health.
--
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05/21 16:17, , 1F
05/21 16:17, 1F
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