Re: [寫作班] 托福第32週 David 5
看板ST-English作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/03/22 07:29)推噓1(1推 0噓 1→)留言2則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)
I understand that you might want to compare the pros and cons of studying
at home versus studying at school. However, since you try to convince the
readers that studying at school is better for students, you might want
to emphasize the advantages of studying at school instead of listing
the strengths of studying at home.
For example, the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs both talk about the stengths of
studying at home. Then in the 3rd paragraph you suddenly turn your topic
to "how about bring your laptop to the classroom?" This turn might confuse
the readers because it is irrelevant to previous sentences.
Therefore, I would suggest that you revise the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs by
emphasizing the advantages of studying at school or by stating the limitations
of studying at home. That might be applied to the 1st paragraph.
It might be clearer for readers if you can state your view at the beginning.
※ 引述《cccching (不同的味道)》之銘言：
: 5. In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using
: technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional
: schools. Which would you prefer?
: -------------------------------------------------------------------------
: Studying at home sounds like a good idea for me or other students that we
: can easily stay at home comfortably and quietly when studying compared with
: staying in a crowded and pressured classroom. Nevertheless, after comparing
: the pros and cons, when it comes to the education meanings I would claim
: that studying at traditional schools is much appropriate for most students.
: Try to imagine that, after reviewing today's on-line news on the Internet,
: "It's time for studying I guess." you said. You enter your class’s
: homepage on school's website, watch the audio about Chemistry class and turn
: on the software listening to your favorite music at the same time, and maybe
: with a cup of coffee. How pleasant and comfortable process of studying it is.
: Moreover, you can use the Internet for gaining advanced information about
: class's material and references.
: It is undeniable that staying in a comfortable environment as home can have
: students studying in pleasant moods without pressure, and of course they can
: benefit from countless academic resources through the Internet. How about bring
: your laptop to your classroom? Not only can you access the Internet easily to
: google what you need in class but also discussing these information to your
: professor to ensure the accuracy.
: When it comes to the studying efficiency, it is universally acknowledged that
: the traditional classroom with a serious professor and classmates provides a
: better studying environment for students than staying at home. The professor
: can discuss with you face-to-face on your misleading points with his
: professional experience and expertise and also guild you the direction in
: specific fiels. In addition, you can encourage and interact with your classmates
: in a studying group.
: As a whole, studying is the major responsibility for students and I made my
: conclusion that traditional school is a much appropriate studying environment
: for most students for increasing their studying efficiency.
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