Re: [寫作班] ID NUMBER-kfsfat 第一禮拜題目-電腦
※ 引述《kfsfat (kfsfat)》之銘言：
: 這是我的文章..麻煩大家了
: Recalling the first time used computers in elementary school at age of 11,
: it becomes an essential implement in my daily life till right now.
有幾個地方要注意上下句的主詞、時態一致性
"used... becomes" 過去式->現在式
可以改用完成式
Since + I used... (過去發生的事) + it has become...
"till right now"已經包含在 since的意思裡面了 可以精簡掉
"computers... it" 複數->單數
建議用"the" computer 用一個電腦代替所有的電腦
"Recalling... it" 上句沒有主詞，是一個dependent clause (subordinate clause)
用來形容下句的主詞。
但是在進行"recall"這個動作的人是你，不是 it (computer)
整句可以改成
"Since the first time I used the computer in elementary school at the age of 11,
it has become an essential implement in my daily life."
: Computers, doubtless, plays an important role as people pursue more and more
: knowledge as well as the development of the modern technology.
^^^不加定冠詞
另外，"plays a role in..." 也是一個常用的句法
例句: "Computers play an important role in our pursuit of knowledge and
the development of modern technology."
: Through the computer, connecting to the Internet, it is not easy
: to image how wonderful this virtual world is.
imagine
: Entering the website of Wikipedia, google, and so on, you can search whatever
^^^^^^
這邊要用search for
search (location) for (object)
search Google for information
: you desperately want to figure out. For engineers, it also useful for their
^is
: tedious researches which need complicated calculations even more simulations.
^and
: By the efficiency of the computer which helps people to deal with the
: questions, it fulfils our technologic aspiration (desire, wish).
: PS(上面空格我不知道要用哪個單字比較好，麻煩指教)
這樣寫法有點亂 寫科英盡量使用簡單有條理的句子就好
比較不容易出錯，也比較好讀
"The efficiency of computers helps us (to) deal with our questions, and
fultils our desire for technology."
: Finally, the development of the computer is faster and faster. It does not
: only let us gain the information and the knowledge, but also brings us to the
^^^ ^^^兩個都不加定冠詞
: future world. It is nothing to say that computer surely occupies an important
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^不太懂這裡意思
: position in our daily lifes.
"occupies... position" 感覺好像太literal 像是說有一個實體的地點
最後這句其實就說
"Surely, the computer has an important place in our everyday lives."
這樣簡單就可以了。
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※ 編輯: dvlin 來自: 99.231.10.180 (11/27 23:04)
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