Bedbug P64~65
出現了
總算破除劇本魔咒
(這次該不會是PTT當掉吧)
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Reporter: He's done of, too. Quiet! Don't startle this sleepwalker!...
[Girl comes by. She stumbles through the steps of a foxtrot and mutters verses
from a booklet held between two fingers of one outstretched hand. She holds
an imaginary rose between two fingers of the other hand. Presses it to her nose
and inhales imaginary fragrance.]
Poor girl, she lives next door to this crazed mammal and at night, when the town
is asleep, she hears the throb of his guitar through the wall, and then there
are long heartrending sighs and sobs. What was it they called this sort of
thing? "Crooning", wasn't it?... It was too much for the poor girl and
she began to go out of her mind. Her parents were heartbroken and called
in the doctors. The doctors said it's an acute attack of an ancient disease
they called "love". This was a state in which a person's sexual energy, instead
of being rationally distributed all over his whole life, was compressed into a
single week and concentrated in one hectic process. This made him commit the
most absurd and impossible acts.
Girl{covers her face with her hands}: I'd better not look. I can feel these
"love" microbes infecting the air!
Reporter: She's finished too. The epidemic is taking on oceanic proportions.
[Thirty chorus girls dance on to the stage]
Look at this thirty-headed centipede! Just think, this raising of the legs is
what they call art!
[A foxtrotting couple comes on.]
The epidemic has reached it…its-what's the word? [looks in dictionary] its
"apo-gee"…. Well, this is nothing less than a hermaphrodite quadruped.
[Director of zoo runs in. He is carrying a small glass case. After him comes a
crowd of people armed with telescopes, cameras, and fire ladders.]
Director [to all]: Seen it? Seen it? Where is it? Oh, you've seen nothing! A
search party reported they saw it here about a quarter of an hour ago. It was
making its way up to the fourth floor Its average speed is one and a half
meters an hour, so it can't have got very far. Comrades, search the walls
immediately!
[The searchers extend their telescopes. The people sitting on the benches jump
up and, shading their eyes with their hands, peer into the distance. The
Director gives instructions]
Voices: This is the way to find it? We should put a naked man on a mattress
in every window. It goes for humans….
Don't shout! You'll frighten it away!
I won't give it anybody if I find it!
Don't you dare; it's public property!...
Excited Voice: Found it! Here it is, crawling….!
[Binoculars and telescopes are all focused on the spot. The silence is
interrupted only by the clicking and whirring of cameras.]
Director: Yes…that's it! Put guards around! Firemen, over here!
[People with nets surround the place. The firemen put up their ladder and
people climb up in Indian file.]
Director [lowers telescope, in tearful voice]: It's got away!....Crawled to the
next wall….SOS! It'll fall and kill itself! Volunteers! Heroes! This way!
[The ladder is run up a second wall. People climb up. Others watch with bated
breath.]
Excited Voice [from above]: Got it! Hurrah!
Director: Quick! Careful! Don't let it go! Don't crush the insect's legs!
[The insect if passed down the ladder and handed to the Director. He puts it
in the glass case and flourishes it over his head.] My thanks to you,
comrades, for your humble efforts on behalf of science! Our zoo has been
enriched by a chef-oeuvre….We have captured a most rare specimen of an
--
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