Re: [情報] 麥可傑克森好友透露他早已不想活了

看板KingofPop作者ulcer (someone in the dark... )時間14年前 (2009/09/27 01:55)推噓7(7推 0噓 9→)

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L大附的第二個連結我一直打不開... 不過我在NBC網站上找到Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (SB) 書的部分內容： http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33004980/ns/today-today_books// [即使是書摘，也很長，請恕我無法全部翻譯。] 分幾個部分: Childhood, loneliness, cartoons and brothers SB寫到：Michael覺得他人生最基本、最珍貴的部分（童年）被剝奪了。他之後的人生一直試圖重建。有些人說Michael是發展停滯的案例。SB不同意，他覺得MJ是選擇不要長大。 MJ提到青少年時期他很想休息，很想玩，可是要錄音、有合約… “I am trapped and I have to do this for the rest of my life. I am under contract.” Thriller時期的MJ曾因渴望朋友，在街上找人說話，問人家：“Will you be my friend?” 人家會嚇到說：“Michael Jackson!” MJ則想：人們要跟我做朋友是因為我是MJ？還是因為我是我？ MJ說在他的內心有兩個部分：一個是king of pop，超然的superstar，擁有一切而不需要任何東西；另一個則是面具下的、羞怯的MJ，甚至連一個真正的朋友都沒有。所以MJ那時就決定孩子是他的答案。因為MJ就是在那個年齡受到打擊。 “Oh my gosh. I did lose my childhood, because these are the only people I can identify with.” MJ解釋這是為何他有很多人體模型。他需要陪伴卻又羞於靠近真的人。但MJ不會跟假人說話。I always thought, “Why do I have these?” They are like real babies, kids, and people, and it makes me feel like I am in a room with people. Michael’s fear of his father [註：這部分MJ描述小時候被父親當成賺錢機器、毆打…不太想翻譯，請自己看。] MJ：有人說受虐兒長大後會成為施暴者。這不正確。我就是完全相反的例子。我對我孩子做過最不好的事就是讓他們到牆角去罰站，而且也只站一下下而已。 MJ：我到現在還會怕我父親。以前有幾次，我父親走進房間，我會在他面前昏倒或嘔吐，因為以前那種可怕的感覺又湧上心頭。但他現在很不一樣了。時間和年歲改變了他。他當了祖父，他也想做個好父親。我一時有點不能接受他的改變。我希望他能早一點體認到這些。 The pain of performing, the pressure of staying on top MJ：我熱愛藝術。我母親很了解我這一點。我喜歡畫畫和雕塑之類的東西。我在藝術和英語這兩門課都拿A。我在學校上課時間不多，但在英語和說故事方面，我的老師總是拿我作其他同學的模範。老師讓我站到台前念我寫的故事，獲得很多掌聲。得到掌聲的原因不是因為我是MJ，而是他們真的很喜歡我的故事。我也很喜歡畫畫。I love Michelangelo. I love Charlie Chaplin with all my heart. I love Walt Disney. These are the people I am nuts over. These are my people. I love the great ones. 問到壓力？ MJ：（表演）和媒體的壓力，他們是拿著刀子在等的。 SB：等你失敗？ MJ：當然。他們想要把我撕碎，又總要我超越顛峰。我已經奉獻出我所有了。 [後面貼上原文，太多了…] SB: But it wears you out? MJ: Yeah. Because when you are the top-selling artist of all time, the records that are broken, they wait ... you are the target. SB: What gives you rest, what gives you strength? Is it Prince and Paris? MJ: Prince and Paris and children all over the world. Not just Prince and Paris — all children. SB: Do you feel that if the next album is not amazing that you are not going to be special? MJ: It would be a terrible blow to me [if I did not perform as well as I wish] because I put real pressure on myself and I demand the best out of myself. I really do. The best of the form or the medium that I work in, and I put a lot of pressure on myself. So to have that happen, if that was to happen, it would be psychologically destroying for me. SB: But do you feel that people would still love you if you were not as successful? Would you still feel loved? A child has to feel loved even if he or she doesn’t do well at school. MJ: Yes, I would, because of the past work. But I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I try not to look at the past. SB: Do you think that because of some of the things that you described to me, a very difficult childhood — without the birthdays, without the Christmases — that is why success in your career has become so important? MJ: Probably. I think so. SB: Do you think you punish yourself a bit too much, that’s why there is so much pain? You punish yourself immensely if things aren’t perfect? MJ: I really do. I know that’s true. I’d rather be the one responsible for it because I have the final say and the final cut on everything. In the past it has been very successful. Oh God, but if that [diminishment of success] was to happen, I don’t know what I would do. SB: But don’t you see, Michael, that’s what you have to get over. MJ: I know, but I can’t get over it. It’s me. I’m not made that way. Excerpted from “The Michael Jackson Tapes: A Tragic Icon Reveals His Soul in Intimate Conversation” by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Copyright (c) 2009, reprinted with permission from Vanguard Press. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 218.166.220.119

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Lconfusing

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ulcer

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ChesterB

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