[Talk] How To Keep Your Job In Today's Economy
http://entrepreneurs.about.com/od/humor/a/keepyourjob.htm
From Chris Kalaboukis, for About.com
If you've got a job working for someone else, and want to keep
that job, here are ten essential techniques which you absolutely
must follow in order to keep your job today:
1. Don't Excel
If you excel at your job, you'll get noticed. Your co-workers will
notice that you are doing well and start talking to the boss about
it. They'll gang up on you to try and take you down. They'll look
for some evidence which poses you in some negative light, and use
it as an excuse to get rid of you. Any excuse works in this
climate. So don't excel. Excellence makes you different, and
"difference" is a negative. Don't be different.
2. Don't Do Poorly
Don't let yourself slack off in any way either. They will use any
excuse in a change in your job habits in order to red circle your
position. Don't give them any kind of excuse. However, make sure
that you also always follow rule one: don't do any more or less
that what is expected of you, if you do you'll stick out, and
that's the last thing you need right now. Keep on steaming at that
exact same clip; don't vary your speed in any way.
3. Don't Complain
This is a sure job buster. Management is strung tight: stress is
at an all time high. Money is barely trickling in, if at all. Now
is not the time to complain. Bottle it all up, and never say a
SINGLE word to anyone at work, or anyone who knows anyone at work,
no matter how unfair or wrong things are. Management doesn't want
to hear problems OR solutions. They'd like to hear NOTHING.
Nothing is king. Silence is queen. They do like to hear keys
busily tapping though.
WARNING: Don't be fooled by an "open door policy" or your boss
asking you "How Are Things?" or "What's wrong". Always respond to
the former with "Fantastic" and never, never respond to the latter
with anything other than "Nothing! Everything's just great". In
fact, don't ever give him the reason to say "What's wrong": see
point 7
4. Use the mantra "I'm just happy to have a job"
Every day, when you get up, in the shower, while you're shaving,
on your way to work, just repeat, again and again. "I'm just happy
to have a job, I'm just happy to be working". When your boss cuts
your salary, just say "That's OK, I'm just happy to be working".
When your boss gives that hot sales lead to another sales rep,
just say to yourself "It's OK, because I still have a job". When
your boss ask you to work the weekend, just say "No problem", and
think to yourself. "I'm just happy to have a job." When your boss
goes to Hawaii but you have to stay behind and work, remember the
mantra.
5. Take a salary cut gracefully when offered
If your boss cuts your salary in order to keep the company afloat
(or for his new minivan purchase) just smile and say "I know that
its all for the good of the company, that's fine, we'll just get
by with less". Even better, offer to take a salary cut, if you
know that the company is in trouble.
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