[求譯] 同人小說翻譯

看板Eng-Class作者fringetree (抽芽)時間14年前 (2012/01/23 18:29)推噓0(0推 0噓 5→)

留言5則, 3人參與討論串1/1

我目前正在進行一篇英文同人小說的翻譯，純粹是為了對這篇小說的熱愛，完全無償，譯好後會放上同人小說的論壇去供對同樣主題有著相同喜好的網友們欣賞。然而我一來英文程度不佳，二來發現翻譯是一門對我來說還相當待學的學問，因此斗膽來此向熱心板友們求助。因為不是從頭翻起，為了讓願意幫我訂正的板友了解大致文意，我想作個前情提要：小說的背景是在一個平行世界中，人們可以蓄奴，罪犯也多半會被登記為奴隸對待。主角之一John是一個積極投入廢奴運動的恐怖份子，被捉起來當奴隸，他的大腦中埋了電線使他在主人喊出關鍵字時會感到劇痛，而在服從主人命令後得到快感。經過一些事件，John被懲罰「無論何時都不能離開他的主人Sherlock，必須隨時和他待在同一個房間裡」。這是為了使他認識到他已不再自由，至於 Sherlock本人相當注重的隱私，「你只是一件家具，我為甚麼要對一張椅子感到害羞？當我不想被你看時，我只要命令你退到角落去」。於是John要睡在Sherlock床邊的地板上，可以裹著毯子。以下是我對照著英文原作翻的結果，我用紫紅色標示出我非常沒信心、認為應該有翻錯的句子。由於這篇小說本身性質就…怪怪的（囧），所以情節描述中會用到的字詞也不算文雅，以下的情節是發生在洗手間中的，可能會有些人對其中用到的句子或字詞感到不快，請板友慎入。 --- The epiphany came on the morning of the second day of John’s punishment. Sherlock got up just before six as usual, and John, stiff and aching from a poor night’s sleep almost didn’t keep up with him as he strode across the hall to the flat’s toilet. Perhaps Sherlock was a bit overtired himself because he forgot to tell John to look at the wall before whipping himself out and emptying his bladder. John, feeling groggy and surly, wasn’t in the mood to correct the oversight. 靈感在John開始他的懲罰後到來。Sherlock像平時一樣在六點後起床，而John，渾身痠痛、幾乎沒怎麼睡，差點跟不上他大步橫過大廳走到浴室去的腳步。可能Sherlock也把他自己弄得太累了吧，因為他忘了在他解手時叫John看向著牆面。John感覺自己昏沉陰鬱，也沒心情去提醒他這個小疏失。 So he stood and stared. He might have grinned a bit, because watching the his “master” the “great genius” scratching his arse and filling the pot made him seem a lot less of an implacable god and more of an ordinary human being. But for a collar, John thought, we would be the same. 所以他就站著看。他可能笑了一點吧，因為看到他的「主人」，這個「偉大的天才」邊抓屁股邊尿尿的樣子，使他大幅減少了不可質疑的神性，更讓人感到他也是個普通人類。 Mid-piss, Sherlock happened to turn his head slightly and realised that John was faced the wrong direction. John saw a ripple of tension snake its way over Sherlock’s body, making his arm shake and his back straighten. Sherlock’s eyes widened and his hand pinched down harder on the head of his cock, cutting off the flow. His nostrils flared as he breathed in quickly. And then it was gone, Sherlock’s face was a blank mask, he quite deliberately turned away. 尿到一半時，Sherlock微微轉頭，發現John面朝著錯誤的方向。John看見一股緊張感從Sherlock身上蔓開，使他的手臂震動、背部僵直。Sherlock的眼睛睜大，手將陰莖前端捏住，停止小便。他的鼻孔歙張，呼吸急促。等他平息下來， Sherlock的臉像張空白面具，刻意地轉過頭去。 “Curiosity appeased?” he asked dryly. “I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of cocks before.” He then let out the last dribbling spurts with a stiffness in his posture that suggested he was being valiantly defiant. 「滿足好奇心了嗎？」他乾乾地問道。「我確定你以前看過更多陰莖。」然後他以一種僵硬的姿勢讓最後一股尿流射出來，彷彿是在挑釁。 Actually, John could barely see Sherlock’s limp member at all. Between his hand and the folds of his clothes, Sherlock’s modesty was nearly entirely preserved. John considered mentioning this but then he realised something important: Sherlock was miserably body shy. 事實上，John幾乎沒有看到Sherlock柔軟的陰莖。在他的手和衣褶之間， Sherlock的私處差不多全被擋著。John被提醒並明白了這件重要的事： Sherlock覺得自己的身體很羞恥。 And wouldn’t you know it, suddenly Sherlock reminded John of the sad blighters who used to wait until everyone was finished and dressing before sneaking into the showers after sport. John fought to keep a snicker back. 那瞬間Sherlock讓John想起了那個總在大家洗浴著裝完畢後，才偷偷摸摸去淋浴的可憐蟲。John努力不讓他的竊笑被看到。 As humiliated as John had been peeing in front of Sherlock yesterday, it wasn’t like he’d never been in situations where he’d been naked in front of others before. And most of them hadn’t been terrible experiences at all. John had shared showers with his fellow rugby players, hell, he’d taken dumps in front of his fellows in the army. And in between, he’d gone skinny dipping with friends and even poked his naked bum out of a car window once on his drunken way back from the championship game against Brighton. The trick was to decide that your body was a bloody gift to mankind and that everyone one around was privileged to get a glimpse of it. Either that or you didn’t give a flying fuck. John waffled between the two approaches. Much as he wasn’t a fan of exposing himself to Sherlock, he’d had a fair degree of experiences coping with bodily exposure. And now that John was over the shock of being ordered to do it, he could probably channel the carefree attitude of his youth. John在昨天已經被以在Sherlock面前撒尿作為羞辱，這不像過去他在別人面前赤身露體的狀況。大部份這樣的經驗都不太糟。John和他的橄欖球隊員一起沖澡過，該死，他還在他的陸軍同袍面前拉過屎。在這之間，他還和朋友裸泳過，甚至曾經在慶祝球隊獲勝時，爛醉如泥地把他光溜溜的屁股探出車窗外。這些事代表著他視自己的身體是一個美好的恩賜，而他身邊的人獲准瞥見它。若非如此，就是沒讓別人高潮過。John可能是在這兩者之間的模糊地帶。他並不是個亟欲在Sherlock面前暴露自己的狂熱粉絲，他有個公平地展露身體的經驗。現在他被命令去做這些事，他難以將這和年輕時愉快的經驗連結在一起。 But Sherlock had had none of that. The man didn’t even use public urinals. 但是Sherlock沒有這樣的經驗。這個男人甚至連公廁都沒上過。 A slow smile crept across John’s face. He had power in this. If the goal was to wear John down through embarrassment, Sherlock had finally made a real tactical mistake. 一抹微笑緩緩地爬過John的臉。他在這方面得到了主控權。如果這個懲罰的目的是要用羞辱來削弱John的意志，Sherlock終究犯了戰略上的錯誤。 So instead admitting he hadn’t seen much of anything, John said, “I don’t know, you could give a better show. You a grower or a shower?” This was pure locker room cheek. He knew he was going to pay for it, but damn if it didn’t feel good. 所以取代承認他沒看到甚麼不該看的，John說，「我不知道，你可以秀得更好。你是還在長，還是個表演者？」這是純粹的locker room cheek。他知道他得為此付出代價，但這感覺他媽的爽快。 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 118.171.44.181

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