[心情] 分手半年了
交往五年的感情在去年八月的時候分手
理由是愛上別人,不再愛我了
分手一開始的掙扎一點也沒少過
各種喪失自尊似的挽回、沒有格調的憤怒言詞、崩潰的情緒決堤...
幾個月前痛下思定把過往在社交網站上所有有關她的記錄通通砍掉
照片也都全部刪掉,該封鎖的也都全都鎖光了
我曾以為在做了這些宣示性意義的動作後可以讓我好轉
但這一點也都沒有,或者應該說只有好轉一點點
多次以來的回憶總是把我擊垮
更別說是昨天前天連續兩晚的夢境
前天妳出現在夢中跟我提出復合,我拒絕了
昨天妳在夢中打電話給我,我選擇不接電話
妳過去對我說妳承認心靈出軌但不是劈腿,但這有差嗎?
我理智上一直知道我不該走回頭路,但夢境裡反映了我的真實情感與理性的不同步
這些日子裡我把過去那些碎裂滿地的玻璃心重新拾起
把過往那些為了愛情揮棄掉的自尊心重新拼湊回來
重新充實我自己、開始運動健身、開始減重、找回閱讀的興趣、學習其他語言...
無非就是希望透過這次的打擊讓自己變得更好,讓自己有所成長
也深深體會到人生中有些無奈,不是透過自身努力去強求
那些無奈也只能默默吞下、默默流淚
到底要什麼時候妳才願意離開我的夢境呢?
到底為什麼我在寫下這篇文章的時候又再度淚流滿面了呢......
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