[文章] 破解他吵架之後的反應(完整版)
相信就算是熱戀的情侶，彼此仍然難免有摩擦
在雅虎看到這篇文章的節錄版本
因為很喜歡所以找到了原文的版本打成文字檔
另外自己加上後半段的翻譯(翻得不好請見諒囉^^)
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Decode How He Acts After a Fight (Molly Triffin)
In a perfect world, your man would sit you down on the couch and say, "Honey,
I'm sorry about what happened"(even if it wasn't his fault). Unfortunately,
guy land doesn't work that way. So we asked experts to translate his
postbattle behavior.
If You Sense Distance Between You, There's Probably Anger Lurking.
He Texts You an Apology
So after an argument, he sends you a text to make up. Problem is, without
tell how he's feeling.
"This is a good first step. It shows that after mulling things over, he's
attemping to repair the damage," says William July, PhD, author of
Understanding the Tin Man. "Although you'd probably prefer a face-to-face talk,
he might be avoiding an in-person conversation because talking about his
feelings isn't something he's used to." It's easier for him to apologize via
electronics, because it gives him a protective filter in case you're upset.
But pay attension to his wording and how the text affects you emotionally
when you read it. "The devil is in the details," stresses Xavier Amador, PhD,
author of I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What? "If it touches a nerve and makes
you feel closer to him, then that means he's genuine." If the message falls
flat and leaves you confused or distressed, you need to reach a deeper
resolution with him.
He Seems Totally Normal
You just had a blowout, and your guy appears unfazed -- watching the game,
singing in the shower, making spaghetti. Is it opposite day? Does he have
sudden-onset amnesia? There are two reasons why he'd be unruffled. "Either it
wasn't that big of a deal to him," July says, "or he is really pissed and is
tuning you out."
To tell which it is, look for little signs. Dose he squeeze your waist
while you're doing your makeup, send you a funny link from work, and fill you
in about his day as soon as he gets home? If he's warm with you, chances are
that he has gotten over it. "But if you sense distance between you, there's
probably anger lurking, and this is his passive-aggressive way of deeling with
it," July says.
He Wants to Move on to Makeup Sex
Whoa! Down, boy. The dust has hardly settled before this horn dog wants to
work out the tension between the sheets. There's nothing wrong with makeup
sex after you've worked through the problem, but don't use it as a Band-Aid.
"He might be turning to sex as a way to ignore reallity and achieve a false
sense of closeness," July explains. "However, if the dispute isn't solved,
the situation will snowball and only get worse."
He might also rush to hit the sheets because he's freaked out that the
relationship could be on the rocks. "Guys have a fix-it mind-set and want to
take action to make things right again," Amador says. "He turns to you
physically for reassurance that everything is okay." Let him know that your
spat doesn't mean you're breaking up and you still want to be with him.
Once he feels that you're on solid ground, he'll be more open to talking.
Then tell him that you do need to deal with the original issue.
He Buys You Flowers or A Present
You'd be crazy to dissuade a guy from bestowing you with roses or jewelry,
right? But these goodies can a smoke screen when a dude doesn't want to talk
through a dispute.
Beware of gifts that aren't accompanied by a sincere apology," July says.
"No matter who was to blame, he might be tossing you a consolation prize."
If the box of chocolates came with a note reading "I Love you," probe him
about how he's feeling. "Thank him, and tell him you're still upset," Amador
says. "Yet give him the benefit of the doubt. It might have been a real
gesture of regret, only he didn't know how to express it verbally."
Also take into accout how personal the gift is. "If he leaves your favorite
kind of cheese-cake in the fridge as a surprize, that's truly thoughtful,"
Jully notes. "It can be a genuine peace offering for longterm couples who
don't need to hash out the details of every fight." Whereas a generic bouquet
is a tactic to sweep things under the rug.
破解他吵架之後的反應
在最完美的情況中，妳的男友會讓妳在沙發上坐下，然後溫柔地對妳說：「真的很對不起
。」（就算並非他的錯。）不幸的是，男人大多不會這麼做。因此，柯夢請教了專家，為
妳分析男人吵架之後的反應。
他在簡訊中向妳道歉
吵架之後，他傳簡訊給妳，想跟妳和好。問題是，他道歉時，若妳聽不見他的聲音，也看
不見他的臉，便很難知道他真正的想法。
兩性專家表示：「這是一個很聰明的作法。這展現出他深思熟慮之後，想要彌補傷害的企
圖。雖然妳可能更想要和他面對面談談，他卻可能想要避免和妳直接對話，因為對他而言
，他並不習慣坦白說出內心的想法。」透過手機道歉相對而言簡單多了，因為萬一妳怒氣
未消，他也不必直接面對妳。
但是妳要注意他的用字，以及妳閱讀他的簡訊時，自己的情緒又有何變化。專家強調：「
魔鬼就在細節裡。如果簡訊觸動了妳的神經，使妳覺得與他更親近，那麼就代表他是真心
誠意的。」如果他的簡訊讀來平淡，讓妳困惑或難過，妳則需要和他展開更深入的溝通。
他表現出完全沒事的樣子
你們才剛大吵一架，而妳的男友卻表現出一副沒事的樣子——看球賽、邊淋浴邊唱歌、煮
義大利麵，簡直像剛發生了什麼好事似的。他突然得了健忘症了嗎？他之所以沒受到任何
影響，有兩個原因。專家說：「吵架的原因對他來說，不是什麼大不了的事；或是他實在
是太不爽了，所以完全忽視妳。」
想要區分這兩種原因，妳必須觀察微小的暗示。他還是會在妳化妝的時候偷捏一下妳的腰
嗎？會在上班的時候，傳好笑的連結給妳嗎？一如往常回家後就和妳分享當天發生的大小
事嗎？如果他對妳的態度還是一樣，表示他真的忘了你們爭吵的緣由。但如果妳感覺到兩
人之間有距離感，可能表示他在偷偷生氣，而這正是他處理自己怒意的「消極攻擊方式」
。
他可能認為妳是錯的，而且還沒有原諒妳。特別注意他回答妳的問題時，答案是否非常簡
短；雖然順著妳提出的計畫，卻完全不提供自己的想法；或是不再和妳卿卿我我。在這樣
的情況之下，輕鬆提起你們吵架的原因（例如在看電視的時候），好讓這次吵架真正劃上
句點。
他想藉由床笫之事和好
哼！男孩給我坐好！事情還沒結束之前，這個色胚就想要做愛。專家解釋說：「在妳處理
這個問題的時候，為了和好的性愛並沒有錯。但是，別把它當成OK蹦，因為它可能會讓性
愛轉變成一種忽略現實的方式，甚至對親密關係有錯誤的認知。然而，假使爭吵沒有得到
解決之道，情況則會像滾雪球搬越來越糟。」
他急於做愛，是因為想要修補瀕臨破裂的關係。專家表示：「男生很堅持，而且想要把情
況拉回正常軌道。實際上，他向妳求助，去保證每件事都很好。」讓他知道妳生氣不代表
妳想和他分開，而是妳還想和他在一起。一旦他知道妳是堅定的，他會比較願意吐露心聲
。然後告訴他妳真的想要解決這件事。
他送你花或禮物
你一定會勸阻一個男生送你玫瑰或珠寶，對吧？但是當一個花花公子不想和你爭吵時，
這些吸引人的東西可能是煙霧彈。
July說：「注意這些禮物並不包括真心的道歉。不管是誰的錯，他都可以給你一個安慰的
小禮物。」但如果他送的巧克力盒外頭有這著一張寫著"我愛你"的小紙條，彷彿正在訴說
著他此刻的心情。Amador說：「跟他說謝謝，告訴他妳依然很沮喪，但妳相信他。」
「這個禮物可能是表示他後悔了，但他不知道如何用口語表達。」
也要考慮到這個禮物為你設想的程度。
「假使他放了一個你最愛的乳酪蛋糕在冰箱裡當作給你的驚喜，那他真的是很貼心。」
「這是一個老夫老妻和好的方式，不需要每一次爭執都要坐下來詳談。」
相較之下一束普通的花只是一種逃避現實的手段罷了。
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04/20 20:47, , 1F
04/20 20:47, 1F
附上中文的翻譯囉！
推
04/21 14:57, , 2F
04/21 14:57, 2F
※ 編輯: krescent 來自: 118.169.34.107 (04/22 16:21)