[閒聊] 親人一直希望我別吃藥消失
現在吃藥三個多月了
媽媽和姑姑都勸我別再吃藥
說姑姑年輕的時候也吃過憂鬱症的藥
吃了會變得呆呆笨笨的心神不寧
暫時腦袋什麼都不會想而已
媽媽也怕我必須長期依賴藥物
我自己是安慰自己說 過了好幾年藥物應該先進多了!
跟親人也是交代說藥物絕對不可以突然斷
要不吃也是跟醫生談慢慢減藥之後再不吃
當初是痛苦到每天都過不下去
吃藥的確讓我這方面的想法頻率越來越少
但確實最近意識到自己常常恍神恍神的
對生活完全毫無熱誠和期待(跟生病以前截然不同)
好像跟男友以外的人 都是不同世界的人
又經常腦袋一片混亂卻不清楚自己在想什麼
感覺好像沒有一個明確的"自我意識"
常常想試試看照自己的感覺走就好
卻發現不清楚自己的感覺想怎樣
不知道是生病的關係呢 還是藥物的關係呢?
說真的分不清楚也有點擔心
男友雖然支持我好好吃藥治療
但也察覺我的心神不寧很擔心
聽到我說 覺得下次可以跟醫生說看看慢慢減藥不吃了
也很高興說好啊下次跟醫生說
醫生當初說的三個月就會痊癒的期限已經過了
什麼時候可以變回正常的那個我
想到那一天遙遙無期 眼淚就止不住湧上來...
對了複診的時候
醫生都只對我實際上的行為診斷
對於我談那些心理上的糾葛
只教我去想辦法分散注意力別想而已...
總覺得這樣根本只是逃避...
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◆ From: 123.193.95.235
※ 編輯: Maplelatte 來自: 123.193.95.235 (10/22 23:23)
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