醫生淡淡的說出診斷結果「重度憂鬱症」並在紙上寫下這次的病例。
過程中跟醫生說我近期有打過1980,而且是累積了好幾次很想打,像是抓著救命稻草不放那樣,但是後來打過去之後發現沒有什麼實際的效果,醫生聽到馬上笑了一下說:「那個怎麼可能有用?」
女友之前是焦慮症,她要我不要吃醫生開給我的藥,說那個會讓人產生依賴,堅持心病就要用心去救,意指她要陪伴著我當我的藥。
只是她總是問我為什麼她出現了,但是我的憂鬱沒有半點好起來的跡象,我則是回她說導致我憂鬱的是我過去發生的、無法抹滅的事實、從小到大的任何一點不完美都讓我痛苦。
口口聲聲的說不會離開我,那為什麼總要說:「既然我的出現對妳沒任何改變,那我出現有什麼用?」每當妳說一次,你的那些「不會離開我」之類的話通通都被打了折扣。
就好像妳說妳要跟我永遠在一起、永遠愛我,但是你卻總是在自己心情不好的時候說:「既然妳跟我在一起那麼累,那我們分開好不好?」明明跟我喊累的都是妳啊......。
我要怎樣才能相信妳?
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