2015年06月14日00:01
一位即將踏入婚姻的女畫家問我:「律師,妳辦過這麼多離婚案件,對婚姻有甚麼看法?
」我笑了笑,望著這位靈氣十足的女孩,雖眼神清澈、篤定的詢問關於婚姻的事,但眼眸
間分明閃著婚前的不安,「結婚,好嗎?」我小心撿著字眼,跟她說了幾個故事。
我問:婚姻可會阻撓追夢?
一位女性朋友想出國念書,但有了身孕,因此很快的結婚,然她還是念念不忘這個夢,在
孩子一歲多時,她跟老公懇談,希望老公成全,但遭到拒絕,所有親友也都以孩子還小、
應以家為重,力勸她打消念頭,最後她還是在所有人不諒解、背負著拋家棄子的罵名下踏
出了家門,勇敢的去追夢,不難想像,當她完成國外學業回到家時,已經無法挽回這段婚
姻了。
原來,婚姻會讓女人繼續追夢這件事,變得如此困難,必須用失去所有的一切來交換。
我問:婚姻可會弱化處理親密關係的能力?
婚姻為何是愛情墳墓?一位女性朋友哀怨地說:「婚前他百般呵護,做了很多浪漫的事,
帶她到處旅遊、買了許多禮物討好她,婚後不久他就處處嫌惡,怪我不會持家、不夠勤儉
,但我只是和以前一樣都沒變,變的是他。」兩人終究交惡、分手收場。
傳統道德對婚姻的制約,向來就是對女人嚴厲、對男人寬容,這從同是出軌,男人用風流
、女人用水性楊花的形容詞,就明白道德對兩性的寬窄。因此很多男女,一旦進入了婚姻
,就在婚姻的傳統刻板印象裡自動「歸位」,透過道德分配兩性在家庭的位置,以致寧可
把精力花在探究「丈夫的角色」或「妻子該怎麼做」,也不願多費心在兩人該如何維繫親
密關係。那麼,究竟有甚麼理由讓女人甘心變成「妻子」的角色?
最後,我問女孩,「準備好經營健康的婚姻關係嗎?」那是一段給彼此成長的空間,既互
相依附又輕鬆愉悅的距離。女孩聽完後自信滿滿的點頭,不過半年後我才知道她還是解除
了婚約,沒有走入婚姻。
「結婚,好嗎?」如能享有既獨立又能互相扶持且平等、尊重的親密關係,哪有不好?
賴芳玉《愛情臉書》
==
我不知道賴芳玉這個人 不過覺得她寫的還不錯
但是紅字那邊我其實看不是很懂
應該是指2人互相同心協力 彼此尊重 尊重對方夢想之類的
才會把彼此的角色扮演好吧!?
大家加油油
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※ 編輯: tingmeow (36.224.215.163), 06/14/2015 22:44:22
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