[無言] 減肥霜
內有強烈閃光,空一頁以視尊重。
前幾天逛街時看到好大一瓶減肥霜才100元,勤儉持家的我當然買一瓶來試試,
反正有病治病無病強身嘛。
過了幾天男友看到那瓶減肥霜後問我,
男友:這個有用嗎?
我:應該吧,抹了之後辣到睡不著,連手心都熱辣辣的,抹了一次就不抹了。
男友:這麼有效喔?那妳幫我抹抹看嘛~(撒嬌)
我:不要!就跟你說連手心都很辣耶,我不要。
男友:拜託嘛~人家最近屁屁變很大內~我自己抹不到屁屁啊...(開始磨蹭)
我:抹不到才怪...跟你說很辣你不聽,等等不要哭喔。
男友:OKOK~
於是乎開始幫他抹上減肥霜順便按摩,懷疑他是想按摩才一直盧我的,
一直指揮這邊也要按那邊也要按,還不時的大叫:
"好~舒~服~喔~小姐妳技術好好,帶出場怎麼算?" 之類的話...
男友:大腿也要啊,妳看我大腿好肥。
我:好啦好啦。(抹一大坨在大腿上)
男友:不是這裡啦,是內側內側,妳不懂要瘦的是大腿內側嗎?真不專業。
我:............好啦好啦,今天你是大爺-.-(抹更大一坨在大腿內側)
按摩完畢他舒服躺在床上哼著歌打PSP,我在上網,又過了10分鐘。
我:開始辣了嗎?
男友:..............(沒聲音)
我:(轉頭)太舒服睡著了喔?
男友:(滿頭大汗)好.....辣......
我:跟你說過了吧~還叫我抹這麼多,辣死你!
男友:不...是......(痛苦的表情)
我:蝦米?
男友:雞...雞...好...辣........
我:(大驚)怎麼可能?雖然我想抹抹看,可是最後沒抹啊!不然變細我不是虧大了...
男友:好..像...是...沾..到大..腿..上面...的...(翻滾)
我:快點去洗掉啦,你這個笨蛋...(有點想笑)
男友:不行啦..洗掉不就..浪費了..喔..喔~蛋...蛋..也.....好..辣.....(繼續翻滾)
我:快點去啦,你滾來滾去不是越沾越多?
男友:沒..關...係..看...我...的....(把四角褲往上捲成三角褲)
男友:妳...看...這...樣..包住.....就...沒..事....了(苦笑)
我:噗!那雞雞變細也沒關係嗎?(指著雞雞)
男友:..........(馬上衝進浴室)
我:對了!忘了跟你說,要用冷水喔,用熱水會.......
男友:啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊~~~~~~~~~
我:更辣.......
後續:
嗯...後來洗完澡又持續辣了兩小時左右,不過他沒有抱怨只是默默滴淚...
現在那瓶塑身霜被他偷偷放到他弟房間了。
--
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