[翻譯] NWOBHM法則101條

看板RockMetal作者coolfly (]v[EGADET]-[)時間12年前 (2011/12/19 19:37)推噓25(25推 0噓 3→)

留言28則, 23人參與討論串1/1

在Metal Storm（http://ppt.cc/hd;Z）上看到的還蠻有趣的我覺得作者骨子裡應該其實很愛Thrash和Metallica……XDDD 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) NWOBHM （New Wave of British Heavy Metal，英倫金屬新浪潮）法則101條 1. The more obscure the better 越冷門越好 2. Hearing Metallica's cover of "Am I Evil?" does not make you a NWOBHM fan 聽過Metallica翻唱版的Am I Evil，並不能就算是NWOBHM飯洩洩 3. Without Diamond Head, there would be no Metallica 沒有Diamond Head就沒有Metallica 4. Without NWOBHM, there would be no Thrash 沒有NWOBHM就Thrash 5. Constantly complain that Thrash "killed off" NWOBHM; while secretly liking Thrash 一直抱怨Thrash害死了NWOBHM，不過其實心裡悄悄愛著Thrash V\\\V 6. When someone asks you what NWOBHM stands for, tell them something like "the best genre of music, ever." Make sure they still don't understand what it means. 有人問NWOBHM是什麼意思時，回答說「最棒的音樂類型」之類的東西，並確保他們根本搞不懂NWOBHM是什麼 7. Iron Maiden after "Killers" is not NWOBHM Killers專輯之後的鐵老木不算是NWOBHM 8. Complain that Iron Maiden "stole" Bruce Dickinson from Samson, while praising him for his work in IM 抱怨鐵媽從Samson那兒挖走了Bruce Dickinson，雖然你稱讚他在鐵老木唱得很棒 9. Dress like you're from the 80s, this includes long unkempt hair, ripped jeans, ripped denim jackets with obscure band patches and an even more obscure band t-shirt 打扮得活像從80年代來的一樣，包含：蓬亂的長髮、割開的的牛仔褲、上面縫滿冷門團布章而且被割過的牛仔外套，一件甚至比那些團更冷門的冷門團團T 10. Pagan Altar are gods amongst men, this is unarguable Pagan Altar*注是掉落凡間的諸神，這無庸置疑（英國Doom Metal早期的開路先鋒之一） 11. Def Leppard really really suck! (Apart from their debut) Def Leppard爛爆了！（除了第一張專輯之外） 12. When forming your own NWOBHM "tribute" band, record your album in the key of A 組了你的NWOBHM「致敬」樂團後，用A調錄你們的專輯 13. In fact, record your whole career in A 事實上，你們團的每首歌都是用A調 14. Make sure at least one song has the main riff lifted from "2 Minutes to Midnight" 確定你的歌至少有一首有偷用2 Minutes to Midnight的主Riff （鐵媽媽 - 差兩分鐘就午夜： http://youtu.be/GPbqQOf41Qc

） 15. Which was CLEARLY a rip-off from "Welcome to Hell" by Venom anyway 但那個RIFF很明顯是剽竊Venom的Welcome to Hell （猛毒 -歡迎到地獄 http://youtu.be/f_br0ktRUT8

） 16. Ballads must have a clean picked intro, a crushing middle section, followed by a fast outro 芭樂歌一定是由clean tune開頭，然後是激情的中段，最後來個快速的尾奏 17. Only write songs about sex, drugs and rock n roll... 歌詞只寫關於性、毒品、搖滾樂等內容…… 18. And the Devil ……還有惡魔 19. Never down tune your guitars, ever (unless you're Venom) 吉他絕不降調，打死都不行（除非你是Venom） 20. You're not Venom and never will be 可惜你不是Venom，永遠都不會是 21. Bad production values are a MUST, if it's highly produced, it's not NWOBHM 爛爆的製作水準是一定要的，假如製作水準很好，那就不是NWOBHM惹 22. Spend exactly ￡5.35 on producing your album 你的專輯只用5.35鎊就做出來了 23. Did I mention the more obscure, the better? 我之前有強調過越冷門越好嗎？ 24. Constantly complain that band X "should've made it big" 不斷抱怨說「這個團應該要紅啊」 25. Complain about bands making it big and going commercial 狂酸那些走紅和商業化的樂團 26. Kevin Heyborne is a living legend, even if he can't keep a stable Angel Witch line-up for more than 5 seconds 即使他無法讓Angel Witch的任何一代陣容維持超過5秒鐘，Kevin Heyborne*注依然是個活傳奇（Angel Witch的主唱兼吉他手，該團的靈魂人物） 27. Two words: WITCHFINDER GENERAL 兩個字：Witchfinder General！！*注（NWOBHM陣亡將士之一，對Doom Metal影響深遠） 28. Track down every demo, EP and single of your favourite NWOBHM band; go as far as contacting a former member and conducting an interview with him. 蒐集你NWOBHM愛團的每張Demo、EP和單曲；最好還可以聯絡到前團員，而且訪談他 30. Start up a Neo-NWOBHM band... 自組一個Neo-NWOBHM團！ 31. But realize your only fans will probably be in Germany and/or Sweden... 隨即了解到只有德國人或瑞典人會變成你的歌迷……Orz 32. And you can't afford to move there... 而且你沒錢搬到那裡……Orz 33. Nor would you want to because then you wouldn't be NWOBHM 也不打算搬過去，不然就不能算是NWOBHM了啊！◢▆▅▄▃崩╰(〒皿〒)╯潰▃▄▅▇◣ 34. Major record companies are evil; they killed off every NWOBHM act 唱片大廠都很邪惡，是他們害死了每個NWOBHM團 35. Only sign with small independent record companies... 只跟獨立唱片小廠簽約…… 36. Or Neat 或是簽給Neat*注（80年代初的英國唱片公司，以發行NWOBHM專輯著稱，旗下有Venom、Raven、Blitzkrieg 、Jaguar等團） 37. Brian Ross is your idol Brian Ross*注是你的偶像（NWOBHM樂團Blitzkrieg和Satan的主唱） 38. Anything past 1986 isn't real metal.... 1986年以後的團都不是真正的金屬樂團…… 39. Unless it's a NWOBHM reunion 除非那團是NWOBHM復出 40. Deliberately spell your band name wrong: substitute vowels for consonants (mainly y's) e.g. Tygers of Pan Tang, Tytan, Phyne Thanquz, etc 故意把你的團名給拼錯：把母音寫成子音（尤其是y），例如Tygers of Pan Tang、Tytan 、Phyne Thanquz等 41. Name your band something completely irrelevant to the subject matter you sing about, e.g. Satan 幫樂團取一個跟歌曲內容八竿子打不著的團名，比如說Satan 42. Worship Diamond Head, daily, if necessary 有必要的話，天天膜拜Diamond Head 43. Talk to mainstream metal fans about your favorite obscure NWOBHM act and tell them they're better than anyone they say (which is right, right?) 跟主流金屬樂團的粉絲，聊你心愛的冷門NWOBHM的事，告訴他們你的愛團比他們所說的任何一個樂團都還讚（這是真的啊，不是嗎？） 44. NWOBHM is the only genre that bad songwriting is acceptable NWOBHM是唯一爛歌可以被接受的流派 45. When recording your "live" album (keep in mind rule 21 and 22), dub in a few of your mates drunkenly shouting after every song has finished 當錄製你們的Live專輯時（請記得第21和22條規則），在每首歌結束之後，後製上你的團友們喝醉亂吼的聲音 46. Constantly remind people that Garage Inc. is far inferior to the original songs (especially the Diamond Head and Blitzkrieg covers) 不斷跟別人說Garage Inc.上的歌比原唱鳥多了（尤其是Diamond Head和Blitzkrieg的翻唱） 47. Release your demo as a sleeveless 7" only make 500 copies; that way it'll be obscure enough to be classified as NWOBHM 將你的Demo以7吋黑膠限量500張的方式發行，這樣它可以冷門到被認為是NWOBHM 48. Go to every NWOBHM reunion concert ever, even if they are held only in Germany and/or Sweden 參加每場NWOBHM的復出演唱會，就算他們只在德國或瑞典演出也得去！ 49. High pitched vocals are a must. This is non-negotiable, unless you're Venom (see rule 20) 高音主唱是一定要的！這點不容妥協！除非你們是Venom（參見第20條） 50. Keyboards are optional, keyboard solos however, are not 歌中有鍵盤沒關係，但有鍵盤solo則是可忍孰不可忍 51. Never keep the same line-up for more than one single/demo/EP. Fire someone if you have to... 絕對不能保持同樣的陣容超過一張單曲／Demo／EP。有必要的話，開除某個團員…… 52. It'll probably be the drummer anyway 被開除的那個大概是鼓手 53. Motorhead and Judas Priest are not NWOBHM... Motorhead和Judas Priest並不是NWOBHM…… 54. But they're pretty kickass nonetheless 不過他們照樣超殺 55. To put your band in good light, tell people you used to perform at the Soundhouse, even if you weren't born in the 60s/70s... 為了提高樂團的知名度，跟別人說你以前都在Soundhouse*注演出，儘管你根本不是在60或70年代出生的…… （倫敦的金屬樂夜店，在協助NWOBHM崛起上居功甚偉， Iron Maiden早期時常在該店演出） 56. They'd probably never find out anyway 反正他們大概也不會發現 57. NEVER under any circumstances give up on your quest for obscurity, no matter how far you dig, there will ALWAYS be a more obscure band out there (see rule 1) 無論如何都不要放棄尋找冷門團，不管你在這個領域挖得多深多廣，總是會有更冷門的團出現（參見第1條） 58. Scorn Metallica for stealing Diamond Head's glory... 不齒Metallica，因為他們搶走了屬於Diamond Head的榮耀 59. Even though they played together on at least one occasion 雖然兩團曾不只一次同台表演過 60. Lars Ulrich is an ass Lars Ulrich是個混帳 61. Barry "Thuderstick" Graham isn't 而Barry "Thuderstick" Graham*注不是（Bruce Dickinson 在Samson的老團友，曾短暫擔任過鐵媽的鼓手） 62. Track down all of Bruce Dickinson's early recordings with Speed, Xero etc... 蒐集所有Bruce Dickinson早期和Speed、Xero等團一起錄的東西…… 63. Even though they are pretty average at best 雖然上面的歌真的很普通 64. In NWOBHM, women are acceptable band members unlike that homo-erotic Thrash malarkey.... NWOBHM團是可以有女團員的，不像猴得要命的Thrash…… 65. Keeping in mind rule 12, record a really heavy and fast song in the key of E... 記住第12條規則，用E調錄一首又重又快的歌…… 66. Make it a B-side of a lightweight melodic rock song recorded in A... 把它拿來當B-side，A-Side是一首用A調錄的、不怎麼重的旋律性搖滾歌 67. The A-side is intended to get "recognized" 因為A-Side是用來獲得大眾賞識的 68. Getting recognized and becoming mainstream is not NWOBHM 受大眾賞識和變成主流樂團就不NWOBHM惹啦！ 69. Urchin are not NWOBHM but Dave Murray and Adrian Smith played in them so it's okay 雖然Urchin不是NWOBHM團，但團員有Dave Murray和Adrian Smith，所以也ok啦 70. There's much more to Holocaust than just "The Small Hours" but their version was better than Metallica's Holocaust的佳作不只The Small Hours而已，不過他們的原唱比Metallica的翻唱版讚（Holocaust - The Small Hours http://youtu.be/p6e9ibGklSM

Metallica - The Small Hours http://youtu.be/qU82rZGZpqo

） 71. Their version of "Master of Puppets" is also better than Metallica's 他們翻唱的Master of Puppets也比Metallica的原唱讚（Metallica - Master Of Puppets http://youtu.be/_z-hEyVQDRA

Holocaust - Master Of Puppets http://youtu.be/5fFBLHUHeMg

） 72. Bass MUST be audible, but keep in mind rules 21 and 22 一定要可以聽得到貝斯聲，但別忘了第21和22條規則 73. Twin guitars are a must, this is essential... 雙吉他是一定要的啦！這是基本要素…… 74. Unless you're Venom (see rule 20) 除非你的團叫Venom（參見第20條） 75. Record a load of demos, stuff them in a box, break the band up and wait 20 years until "finding" them again, release them as "The Complete Anthology" 錄一大堆的Demo，放到箱子裡收好，然後解散樂團。等個20年，再次「找到」它們，把它們拿來當作「完整大合集」推出 76. Instead of recommending the more known NWOBHM bands to interested friends, show them your collection of obscure 7" singles and demo tapes, tell them "you can look but not touch"... 對於那些有興趣的朋友，你並沒有推薦他們比較知名的NWOBHM樂團，反而拿出你珍藏的冷門7吋黑膠單曲和Demo錄音帶，告訴他們「只能看不能摸喔」…… 77. No, you haven't listened to them either. 不，你自己也沒放來聽過 78. The NWOBHM Encyclopaedia by Malc McMillan is your bible... Malc McMillan寫的NWOBHM大百科是你的聖經…… 79. You have it by your bedside table and read it every night 你把它放在床頭，每晚都翻來看 80. Owning a few Iron Maiden albums does not make you NWOBHM... 有幾張鐵媽的專輯並不能算是NWOBHM飯 81. Even if they are self titled and Killers 就算是他們的同名專輯和Killers也不行喲 82. Track down your favorite NWOBHM bands elusive out of print "second album" 蒐集你NWOBHM愛團那些不為人知的、絕版的「第二張專輯」。 83. Realize it's crap, but keep in anyway because you just shelled out 100quid for it on eBay 入手後發現根本是張垃圾碟，但還是留著，因為這是你花了100鎊從ebay上買到的 84. Following rule 83, debut albums are ALWAYS a NWOBHM band's best work, this is unarguable 承上，NWOBHM樂團的出道專輯永遠都是他們最棒的作品，無庸置疑 85. You thought I was going to say "unless you're Venom" didn't you? 你以為我會說「除了Venom以外」，對嗎？ 86. Venom's debut IS their best work, period Venom的處女作是他們最棒的一張專輯，洩洩^_<~* 87. And possibly the worst produced album, ever 大概也是史上製作水準最爛的一張專輯=_= 88. Re-release all your albums "remastered" with all your demos and EPs tacked on the end 把你所有的專輯以「母帶重製」的名義重發，然後把所有的demo和EP放在專輯最後面 89. Your debut album must be raw and frantic; your sophomore album must be either hair metal or AOR 你的處女作必須生猛有力，精采絕倫，但第二張專輯就變成Hair Metal或AOR 90. Your album and/or single cover must be a black and white sketch done by your mate who does art in college (part time, of course) of either your band, the Grim Reaper, skulls, or some valiant warrior on horseback 你的專輯和／或單曲封面一定要是黑色的，上面用白色印著你在大學念美術（在職專班，當然）的團友畫的素描，畫著你們團或死神、骷髏，或是英勇的馬上戰士 91. Don't sing about the Grim Reaper, skulls, or some valiant warrior on horseback 不要唱關於死神、骷髏或是英勇的馬上戰士的歌 92. Following rules 65 and 66, record a cheesy ballad with synthesizers, make it 9 minutes long and release the lot as an EP 照著第65和66條規則，錄製一首有電子琴伴奏、長達9分鐘的超俗芭樂歌，並拿來當EP發行。 93. Paul DiAnno is still cool even if he was fired from Iron Maiden and done precisely nothing since then 雖然他被鐵媽炒掉後再也沒有搞出什麼名堂來，Paul DiAnno還是很酷 94. To preserve your legacy, DON'T record an album, just singles, demos and EP's, this will ensure your place in the NWOBHM hall of fame... 為了建立你的傳奇，千萬不要錄專輯，只能錄單曲、Demo和EP，好確保你會進NWOBHM名人堂 95. After that see rule 75 錄完之後請參考第75條的做法 96. Record all your material in your front room or garage 在客廳或車庫錄你所有的歌 97. Paradoxically, foreign members are allowed in NWOBHM bands, hell, even full foreign bands can be classified as NWOBHM as long as they played at least one gig in London during the 80s 詭異的是，NWOBHM團裡可以有不是英國人的團員。該死，就算他們全都是歪果仁，只要在 80年代有在倫敦表演過，都可以叫做NWOBHM樂團 98. Progressive elements ARE allowed in NWOBHM, unlike that boring Thrash malarkey... NWOBHM裡可以有前衛元素，不像無聊要死的Thrash…… 99. Thrash is actually really really cool, even if it is American Thrash其實非常、非常酷，雖然它是美國貨 100. Remember kids, the more obscure the band, the better they are! 越冷門的團越好，記住啊孩子！ 101. Don't take this list too seriously 跟這個清單認真你就輸了 -- I had nothing but the embittered sun... 我一無所有，除卻那怨毒的太陽…… -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 114.38.88.120

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