[專欄] Players' Tribune: Done in The Dark by Lamar Odom
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原文網址:https://theplayerstribune.com/lamar-odom-done-in-the-dark/
When I woke up in the hospital room in Nevada, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t
talk. I was trapped inside my own body. My throat hurt like hell. I looked
down and I had all these tubes coming out of my mouth.
當我在內華達一間醫院醒來時，我全身都無法動彈。我無法開口說話。我感覺被困在自己
身體裡。我喉嚨痛得要命，結果我低頭一看，有一堆管子插在我嘴裡。
So I panicked.
我當時非常驚恐。
I started trying to pull them out, but I couldn’t because my hands were so
weak. The nurses came running in to stop me. You ever had a really bad dream,
where you’re trying to run away from a monster or some shit, and you just can
’t run? Your legs don’t work like they should, and the monster is coming
right behind you, and it’s like you’re in slow motion. That’s what it felt
like.
我嘗試把管子拔出來，但是我的手完全出不了力。馬上就有護理師跑過來阻止我。你有沒
有做過類似的噩夢，夢裡你被某種怪物追然後你想拼命逃走，但是你的腳就像黏在地上一
樣不動嗎? 你的腳不像平常一樣能跑，然後後面的怪物已經追到你後面了，感覺就像你陷
入慢動作一樣。我當時的感覺大概就像這樣。
I was laying there, looking up at the ceiling, and the doctors kept coming in
and standing over me and saying some stuff. Then they’d leave. Then they’d
come back. Leave, come back. Leave again, come back again. Or maybe I was
just going in and out of sleep.
我就一直躺在病床上看著天花板，醫生們會進出我的病房然後說些話然後又離開。然後他
們又回來，又離開。離開回來，離開回來。也有可能只是我昏睡而已吧。
My ex-wife was there in the room with me. After all the shit I had done, I
was surprised to see her. Honestly, that’s when I knew that I was probably
in bad shape.
我的前妻也有進病房陪伴我。我滿意外他會出現，畢竟我幹了滿多蠢事。那時我才想到，
我現在狀況應該非常糟糕吧。
At some point, the main doctor came in and told me what had happened. He
said, “Mr. Odom, you’ve been in a coma for the last four days. Do you
understand?”
有一次我的主治醫師過來告訴我我到底發生甚麼事情。"Odom 先生，你已經昏迷 4 天了，
你聽得懂我在說甚麼嗎?"
I couldn’t talk. So I just nodded.
He said, “It’s a miracle that you’re here. We didn’t think you were going
to make it.”
我無法講話，所以我只好點頭。他又接著說 "你現在躺在這裡真的是奇蹟，我們都以為你
撐不下去了。"
I was in total shock. Couldn’t say any clever shit back. Couldn’t ask
questions. It was the first time in my life that I felt helpless. I felt like
I was two inches tall. It was just … it was real.
我完全嚇壞了。我無法回嘴，也無法問任何問題。這是我一生中第一次感覺完全無助。我
感覺自己只有兩吋高。這感覺...只能用真實來形容吧。
At that point in my life, I was doing coke every day. Pretty much every
second of free time that I had, I was doing coke. I couldn’t control it.
那時我天天都在吸古柯鹼。真的是任何我有空的時候，我都在嗑古柯鹼。我無法控制我的
毒癮。
I didn’t want to control it.
其實我根本也不想克制自己。
I remember sitting there in bed, and for the first time in my life I couldn’
t talk my way out of the situation. I was trapped all day in my own thoughts.
And I kept thinking about something that my grandmother used to say to me
when I was a kid.
我還記得自己坐在病床上，然後意識到自己一生中第一次無法靠耍嘴皮子脫離困境。我被
困在自己的腦海跟思緒中。然後我一直想到我奶奶小時候跟我說的一句話。
I could see her face, like she was right there in the room.
“What’s done in the dark,” she would say, “will come out in the light.”
我仿佛可以看到她的臉，好似她就在病房裡陪著我。
"在暗處發生的事情，總是會在明亮中曝光" 她這樣跟我說
I think of all the sneaky shit I tried to get away with. All the times I did
wrong. All the stuff I tried to hide. If it’s not in the public light, it’s
in God’s light.
我想到我做過的那些偷雞摸狗的事情。所有我犯的錯誤，跟想隱瞞的醜事。就算這些事情
沒有曝光在眾人眼前，也在上帝面前一目了然。
I was laying there in that bed, hooked up to all these machines, people all
around me crying, and there was no running from it anymore. It was like God
was telling me, “Whatever the fuck you think you’re doing, you need to slow
down. Or it’s gonna be worse than this.”
我就這樣躺在病床上，身體被接在一堆儀器上，身邊的人一直為我哭泣，而我無法逃避這
一切。我感覺像是上帝在告訴我: "不管你他媽你想幹嘛，你最好三思而行。不然你下場
絕對會比現在還慘"
Only one thing worse than this.
我也只想得到一件事情能比我現在的樣子還糟糕了。
Rick James said it best.
“Cocaine is a hell of a drug.”
It’s a hell of a drug.
Rick James 講得最清楚了 "古柯鹼真是他媽該死的毒品"。它真的是這樣。
It will make you do things you never thought you’d do. It will turn you into
a different person. It will put you in situations where you say to yourself,
“How the fuck did I get here?”
它會讓你做出你完全沒想到自己會做的事情。它會讓你像是變了個人一樣。它會讓你陷入
莫名其妙的情境，然後你就會問自己 "我他媽到底怎麼淪落到這個地步的"
When I was in that hospital bed, I kept asking myself that question. And I
kept thinking about all the people in my life who aren’t here anymore.
Mostly, I thought about my mother. My dad wasn’t really around when I was a
kid. He had his own problems with addiction. But my mother was my best friend
in the world. She was just so caring. My first memory in life is hearing the
sound of her voice. She had these really wide eyes and a real soft voice.
我躺在病床上時就一直問自己這個問題。然後我一直想到那些已經不再我身邊的親朋好友
。大部分時候我都想到我媽。我爸在我小時候不太常在，他自己也有成癮的問題。但是我
媽是我世上最好的朋友。他是如此的關愛我。我人生中第一個記憶就是聽到他溫柔的聲音
。他擁有又圓又大的眼睛加上非常溫柔的聲音。
If we were at a family party everybody would ask me, “Lamar, where’s your
mother? Where’s Cathy? Where’s Cathy?”
She was like the center of the universe in Jamaica, Queens.
如果我們參加一個家庭聚會，大家都會問我 "Lamar 你媽在哪裡? Cathy 在哪裡呢? 在哪
?" 他就像是皇后區牙買加的宇宙中心點。
I remember when I started playing peewee football, I was already big as hell.
I could take care of myself. But I got hit on this one play, and I was just
dinged up a little bit. I’m on the ground for six seconds or seven seconds
max, and just as I’m about to get up, I hear my mom’s voice. She’s running
from the sideline out onto the field. Sprinting, yelling, “Mookah! Mookah!
Talk to me, baby!”
我還記得當我開始打青少年橄欖球時，我塊頭已經非常壯了，也懂得照顧自己。不過某次
play 裡我被撞翻了。我大概躺在地上 6 或最多 7 秒鐘吧，然後我突然聽到我媽的聲音。
他從邊線跑到場中央，邊跑邊大叫"Mookah! Mookah! 你還好嗎寶貝?"
That was her nickname for me.
She gets to me and I’m like, “Mom, what are you doing? Are you crazy?”
I mean, this is New York City. Everybody’s looking at me like, Yo. Come on,
man.
She says, “Mookah, Mookah, are you O.K.? What hurts?”
I said, “Mom, I’m fine. Get the hell off the field!”
She's like, “O.K.! O.K.! I’m going! I just gotta make sure you're alright."
Then she went back to the sidelines like it was nothing. That was my mother.
She always had my back.
那是他取給我的綽號。他跑到我身旁，然後我不可思議的對他說 "媽，你在幹嘛啊? 你瘋
了嗎?" 我的意思是，這裡是 NYC 耶。每個人都盯著我看，像是在說 "Yo 老兄 你們到底
在幹嘛"
我媽問我 "Mookah, Mookah, 你還好嗎? 有沒有哪邊會痛?"
"媽沒事啦! 你快點下場啦"
"OK!OK! 我要走了!我只是想確認你沒事。"
然後他就像甚麼事都沒發生般走回場邊了。這就是我老媽，我知道我隨時都能依賴他。
When I was 12 years old, she got sick. I knew she had colon cancer, but I didn
’t really know how bad it was. She kind of kept it from me to protect me. I
just remember that she went into the hospital for a while, and when I went to
visit her, it seemed like she was getting … smaller. Like she was
disappearing, you know what I mean?
我 12 歲時候，她生病了。我知道他得了直腸癌，但是我不知道當時情況有多嚴重。我媽
當時並沒有講明她病情的嚴重性，我猜也是為了保護我吧。我只記得他當時住院了一段時
間，然後我去探病時候我一直感覺她越來越縮水。好像整個人都要不見一樣。
One day, when my grandmother was driving me home from the hospital, she said,
“You know, your mother is probably going to pass away soon. I just want you
to be ready.”
某一天我奶奶從醫院載我回家時，她告訴我 "你知道，你媽媽可能撐不久了。我只是想讓
你心裡有點底"
The day that she passed away, I remember going to see her, and I remember how
the cancer had just ravaged her body. Like if I could go back to that time,
and you could put me in that room, I probably wouldn’t even recognize who
she was. Her face was so small and she was bleeding out of her mouth. And she
kept saying “Mookah, Mookah….”
我還記得她走掉那天我去探望她，我記得癌症當時摧殘她身體的模樣。若是我回到過去再
次看到她的話可能會認不出她是誰吧。她的臉感覺那麼小，嘴角還流出血。她嘴裡一直重
復念著我的綽號 "Mookah, Mookah..."
I just sat right next to her bed, and one of the last things she said to me …
I still think about it every day.
She said, “Be nice to everybody, Mook.”
I don’t think anything can prepare you for losing your mother at 12 years
old. It leaves a mark on you. I don’t care how strong you think you are.
我坐在她床邊，聽著她跟我講她的最後幾句話。我現在還是會一直想著那些話。
"Mookah, 對每個人都要很好唷" 她這樣對我說
我覺得沒有任何事情能夠讓一個 12 歲的孩子心理上準備好失去母親。我不管你覺得自己
有多堅強，這事情會在你身上留下一生的印記。
The only reason I was able to get through that time was because of my
grandmother, and because of basketball. Those two things protected me. On the
day my mother died, I went straight to the park to play ball. It was all I
wanted to do. It was an escape for me.
當時幫助我撐過來的為二支柱是我奶奶跟籃球。我媽媽去世那一天，我直接走去球場打球
。那是我當時唯一想做的事情。對我而言那就像是逃離現實。
I remember the news had started to get around the neighborhood about my mom,
and people started showing up at the court. Then more people. After a while,
the whole block was out there with me.
我記得我媽過世的消息在社區傳開來，然後人們開始聚集到籃球場來。過來一段時間，幾
乎整個社區都來了。
I had this feeling, like, It’s gonna be alright. Your grandmother has your
back. Your neighborhood has your back. God has your back.
我那時一直覺得事情會好轉。我奶奶支持著我，我的整個社區也支持著我，上帝也支持著
我。
So go on. Get on with it. Keep going ’til you get your suit and you shake
that old man’s hand.
所以就埋頭讓生活繼續下去吧。繼續努力下去直到我能穿著西裝站上舞台跟那老頭握手。
See, I used to have this vision in my head, from the time I was 10 years old.
I could already see David Stern up at the podium calling my name, saying what
team I was going to, and me kissing my family. I could already see it.
我大概十歲時候就有這個夢想。我可以預見 David Stern 站在台上叫出我的名字，並說
出我被哪一隊選中了。我會跟我的家人擁抱並親吻她們。
You might think that being a kid from New York City, with drugs around all
the time, that my problems started a long time ago. Or that they started when
I got drafted by Los Angeles. But that wasn’t the case. I never wanted to
touch anything stronger than marijuana. I definitely never touched cocaine. I
actually looked down on it.
你可能認為我在紐約出生長大，身邊一直都有毒品，甚至可能很年輕就開始吸毒吧。或是
被快艇選中時候就開始吸毒之類的。不過事實並非如此。我當時完全不想碰比大麻還強的
藥物。我當時也完全沒有吸古柯鹼，事實上我還非常排斥。
I didn’t try it until I was 24 years old, when I was on summer vacation in
Miami. And … I wish I could tell you there was a reason for it. There wasn’
t. It was just an asinine decision I made. If I knew that it was going to
affect my life the way it did, I would’ve never even thought about it.
Never. But I did it. It turned out to be a life-altering decision.
我一直到 24 歲，在邁阿密度暑假時才試過一次古柯鹼。而且...我真希望我能說我這麼做
是有甚麼原因的。但事實上我只是做了一個非常愚蠢的決定而已。如果我當時知道古柯鹼
對我往後的人生有這麼大影響的話，我打死都不會碰。但是我還是吸了。而吸古柯鹼轉變
成改變我人生的重大決定。
Right around that same time, my grandmother passed away. I lost a lot of
family members in a short period of time. When I did coke, I felt good for a
minute. I stopped having so much anxiety. I didn’t think about the pain. I
didn’t think about death. So I kept doing it more and more, but I was still
in control. It wasn’t like an everyday thing.
差不多同個時間點，我奶奶過世了。我在那一段期間失去了很多朋友跟家人。當我吸毒時
，我有一陣子感覺好多了。我當下不會感到焦慮，不會感到痛苦，也不會想到死亡。所以
我就越吸越兇。不過我當時還在可控制自己的情況下，我並沒有天天都在吸。
Then, about two years later, I got a phone call that changed my life. It was
the summer of 2006. I had been out partying all night, and I hadn’t gone
home.
然後兩年後，我接到一通改變我一生的電話。那是 2006 年的夏天，我一整晚都在外面開
趴沒回家。
My son Jayden was six months old at the time. He was at home in his crib. I
should’ve been at home with him. But I was out, doing whatever.
Early in the morning, I got a call from his mother. She was panicking. I was
like, “Yo, calm down. What’s wrong?”
And she said, “Jayden … he won’t wake up.”
I said, “He won’t wake up?”
She said, “Yeah, the ambulance is here. They’re taking him now.”
我6個月大的兒子 Jayden 在他的嬰兒床上。我應該待在家裡陪他的，但是我卻在外面鬼混
。一大早時候，他媽媽打電話給我。電話中她很惶恐。我回應她"Yo 冷靜下來。發生甚麼
事了?"
然後她回我說 "Jayden...他一直不醒過來"
我問她 "他醒不過來?"
她又回說 "對，救護車來了。醫護人員正在帶走他。"
I was in Manhattan. I had to drive all the way to Long Island. When I got to
the hospital, the doctors just told me that, you know, “He's not responding.”
They said, “He’s gone.”
I said, “Gone? What are you talking about? I just seen him. Gone?”
我那時人在曼哈頓，我得一路開到長島。我終於趕到醫院時候醫生只告訴我 "他沒有回應
，他死了"
我回說 "死了? 你們在講甚麼鬼話? 我才剛見到他，怎麼可能走了?"
Man, my son was vivacious. Real lively. Whenever I used to walk into a room,
he would just like … look at me, and stare. Of course, he couldn’t talk,
but he just used to stare. He used to use his eyes a lot — let me know that
he kinda understood. Like, Yeah, that’s my dad. What’s up, Dad?
我兒子非常充滿生命力。每當我走進一個房間，他都會盯著我看。當然他還不會說話，但
是他很喜歡盯著我看。像是用眼神在跟我溝通一樣，對著我說 "嘿對，那是我爸。嗨老爸!
"
I just seen him. Gone? How the fuck is that even possible? How can he be gone?
I walked into the hospital room … and the hurt on his mother’s face, I’ll
never forget that. How she couldn’t believe it.
Six months old. Gone.
He’d be 11 now.
我不久前才見到他。走了? 這他媽怎麼可能?他怎麼可能就這樣走了? 我走進病房時見到
他媽媽臉上痛苦的表情，我一輩子都無法忘記那畫面。她也無法相信他就這樣走了。
6個月大而已。就這樣走了。
如果他活到今天，應該11歲大。
I used to think about what he would look like if he was still here. Actually,
I still think about it almost every day.
The doctors told us that the cause was sudden infant death syndrome. It
almost sounded made-up. No explanation. No answers. Just … gone. Like that.
And you’re supposed to just accept it. You’re supposed to live with that.
我之前會一直想像他如果現在還活著會長怎樣。實際上我現在還是會幾乎天天想到他。
醫生們告訴我們死因是嬰兒猝死綜合徵。這病聽起來像是醫生掰出來騙我們的。沒有其他
解釋或答案。而你應當就得接受這結果一樣，並繼續活下去。
I think everything probably picked up at that point, with the drugs. Even
subconsciously. You don’t even know why you’re doing it at that point. I
think subconsciously, you make yourself an addict because of the trauma that
you’re going through.
我想我大概是在那時開始停不住吸毒。就連潛意識下，我都不太清楚自己為甚麼要這樣做
。我想潛意識下我因為各種打擊讓自己成癮了吧。
With cocaine especially, there’s a high, and then an emotional low. So it’s
like a roller coaster. You go high, and then you go low. High, low, high,
low. After you do it, you feel shame. You think about all the reasons why you
shouldn’t have done it. Then the cycle starts again.
吸古柯鹼情緒會有一種特別的高潮跟低潮。有點像是坐雲霄飛車一樣，你爬得高高的又又
重重的往下跌。高潮，再低潮。又高潮，又低潮。吸完毒之後我會感到愧疚。我想到一堆
我不該吸毒的理由，然後惡性循環又開始，我又回到吸毒。
That’s the thing people don’t understand. Anybody who’s lived a
complicated, drug-infused life like I’ve lived knows the cycle — with
women, cheating on my wife, shit like that. Nights when I should have been
asleep. Nights when I stayed up sniffing coke. Lot of those nights. When your
heart is beating fast. When you should know better. When you’re just riding
that roller coaster, man.
我想大部分人都無法了解這點。任何有過錯綜複雜又充滿毒品的生活都會懂我在說的循環
---跟女人廝混、背著妻子偷吃類似的鬼事。該睡得時候在外遊玩，或是徹夜吸毒。好多
深夜裡，我心跳異常的快。我知道自己不應如此。但我只是繼續搭雲霄飛車。
You think I wasn’t feeling shame? You think I was blind to what I was doing?
Nah, I wasn’t blind to it. Shame … pain. It’s part of the whole cycle. My
brain was broken. As the years went on, and I got into my 30s, my career was
winding down, and things just got out of control.
When I was like 32, 33 … I just wanted to get high all the time. That’s it,
just get high. And things got dark as hell.
你以為我不感到羞恥嗎? 你以為我瞎了不知道我在對自己做甚麼嗎? 不，我視力好得很。
羞恥...痛苦。這些都是循環中的一部分。我的頭殼壞掉了。隨著時間流逝，我步入 30
歲，而我的生涯正漸漸的崩壞失去控制。
當我 32, 33時我整天只想著要吸毒 high 一下。就這樣，high 一下。然後事情變得很黑
暗。
One of the darkest places I’ve ever been was when I was in a motel room,
getting high with this chick, and my wife (at the time) walked in. That
probably was like rock bottom.
我一生中最黑暗的點大概是我在汽車旅館跟一個女人一起 high 的時候，然後我當時的老
婆走進來。那應該是我人生谷底的時候。
First of all I was in a motel.
A motel.
I’m a millionaire. I’d made it out of Jamaica, Queens, and won two NBA
titles. And I’m in a motel, with some random person, doing coke. But I just
wanted to get high with this girl, and I had no other place to go. I couldn’
t take her home. You know, I was being a scumbag. Nothing else I got for
that. No excuses. No bullshit. That’s just the truth.
首先，我人在汽車旅館。一間汽車旅館。
我是個百萬富翁。我靠著球技爬出來皇后區牙買加，還贏了兩個NBA總冠軍。然後我在一
間汽車旅館跟一個隨機的女人一起吸古柯鹼。我只是想跟這女的 high 一下，我也沒別的
地方能去。我不可能帶他回我家吧。你知道，我當時就是個徹底的渾蛋。沒有別的理由，
沒騙人。這就真相。
My dick and my habit took me down all the roads that you don’t ever wanna go
down. A lot of great men are fools to that. Fools to that. There are probably
a lot of young dudes out there who hear my story and think that it could
never happen to them. That they’re untouchable.
Man … Nobody is untouchable. Nobody in this life is immune to pain.
我的小頭跟我的惡習讓我走了你永遠都不想走的路。很多人都對這方面很無知。我猜大概
有很多年輕人聽到我的故事，然後想說這不可能發生在他們身上。他們自認為無堅不摧。
老兄，這世界上沒有人是無堅不摧的。現實中沒有人會對痛苦沒感覺。
(中略一小段 Odom 自己小時候發誓絕不會去坐牢的故事)
When you’re an addict, nothing can get through to you. I never thought I was
going to die. I never thought I’d be in a coma. I didn’t think I had a
problem. But then I woke up in a bed with tubes coming out of my mouth — and
it was real.
The doctors told me that right before I woke up from the coma, my kids had
come by to see me. And that broke my heart, because I had seen my own mother
on her deathbed, with tubes coming out of her mouth.
當你成癮時，你感覺不到事情的嚴重性。我從來沒想過我有可能會死掉。我也沒想過自己
會昏迷不醒。我甚至不認為自己有問題。但是某天我突然醒在病床上，嘴裡還插滿管子，
而這一切都是真的。
醫生後來告訴我說，我醒之前我小孩有過來探望我。這消息讓我心碎了，因為我有見過自
己的母親臥病在床，一樣嘴裡都是管子。
My kids are the only things that kept me going. I’ve been a big strong dude
my whole life, so anytime my kids see me in a weak point like that is
definitely hard for me — even to talk about now.
我的孩子是唯一讓我有動力繼續前進的原因。我一生中都是強壯的大塊兒，所以任何時候
我孩子們見到我現在軟弱的模樣對我來說都很難受。甚至是現在寫出來也一樣。
My son Lamar Jr. is 16. He’s shy and loves basketball. Like me reincarnated.
Only a more handsome version.
我兒子 Lamar Jr 16歲了。他有點害羞，也很喜歡籃球。他像是我的模板一樣。不過比我
帥了點。
My daughter, Destiny, is 18. She’s beautiful and smart. And she doesn’t
take any shit. When I was able to talk again, she told me straight up, “Dad,
you need to get yourself help or I’m not going to talk to you again.”
我女兒 Destiny 18歲。他又聰明又漂亮，而且他不允許任何人亂來。當我又可以講話時
，他直接對我說 "爸你需要找人幫助你，不然我永遠都不跟你說話了。"
So I went to rehab, and in rehab you learn to submit to everything. I’ve
always been a really anxious person. I’ve been a worrier my whole life. But I
’m learning to release everything. Or at least I’m trying to learn.
My kids even came to a few therapy sessions with me. And that was especially
important, because they got to kind of let loose, telling me how my addiction
affected them, too.
所以我就去勒戒所了。在勒戒所裡，我學會放開於一切。我一直以來都是一個很容易焦慮
的人，不過我學著拋開一切。應該說我正在努力學著拋開一切煩。
我的孩子們甚至還陪我來參加了幾場墾談會。而這對我們來說都特別的重要，因為這讓他
們有機會告訴我，我的毒癮對他們的生活其實也是有重大的影響。
After one of the sessions, my daughter told me, “This was good, but I don’t
ever want you to be in here again.”
在一次會面結束後，我女兒告訴我 "我覺得剛剛的懇談會感覺非常好，但是我希望你永遠
都不要再進勒戒所了。
I’m sober now. But it’s an everyday struggle. I have an addiction. I’ll
always have an addiction. It never goes away. I mean, I want to get high
right now. But I know that I can’t if I want to be here for my children.
我現在清醒了，但是每天都持續著掙扎。我知道我有毒癮，我永遠都會有毒癮。我認真地
說，我現在就想要吸毒。但是我知道如果我這輩子還想要陪伴我的孩子的話，我不能這麼
做。
You know, it’s crazy … when I was in the hospital, and I couldn’t even
walk, all these people came to see me that I hadn’t seen in a minute. All
these old teammates came. Kobe came. I got texts from all these guys, like, “
Damn dog, the news was saying you were dead. I’m happy you’re still here.”
It kind of reminded me of who I was, and what I’ve meant to some people.
你知道，瘋狂的是當我住院時，我連下床走路都不行，然後那些我有一陣子沒見過面的人
都來看我了。一堆老隊友也來探望我。Kobe 也有來探望我。我收到了一大堆簡訊，說著
"嘿老兄，新聞都說你翹辮子了!我很高興你還沒掛掉"
這一切讓我想到我自己是誰，還有我對這些人存在的意義。
I shook hands with death. But you know what? Ain’t no coming back from that.
Even though my funeral would probably be a good funeral, and there’d
probably be a lot of people who hadn’t seen each other in a long time. But
it ain’t time for that yet.
我跟死神交叉而過。不過你知道，死人是無法復生的。就算我的葬禮應該會是很讚的一場
葬禮，而且很多很久未見面的人也有機會相見，我想我的死期還沒到。
I still got my kids. I’m still here. And damn, I’m still pretty handsome.
I’ve been through so much that now I just want that little piece in the
world … that little piece … where I don’t have to worry.
Every morning when I wake up, I look at the same pictures.
Pictures of people who are gone. My mother. My grandmother. My son Jayden. My
best friend Jamie.
People who are still here. My two beautiful kids.
我還是有我的孩子。我人也還在這，而且幹，我還是滿帥的說。
我經歷了這麼多，我現在只想要活著中不用擔心。每天早上起來我都會看同樣那幾張照片
。那些已經離開我的人的照片。我媽媽，我奶奶，我的兒子 Jayden，我最好的朋友
Jamie。還有那些還在我身邊人的照片，我兩個寶貝孩子的。
I just look at their faces for a few minutes, and it’s like a reminder of
what life is supposed to be about. I feel warm. I feel an energy. I feel
love. That shit gets me through the day.
It’s like taking my vitamins.
我會看著他們的臉幾分鐘，像是提醒自己我活著是為了甚麼。我會感到溫馨，和充滿生命
力。我會感覺到愛。這一切都讓我能夠撐過每一天。
這感覺就像是吃維他命一樣。。
心得:後面因為累了開始有點亂翻= = 有問題歡迎指正
--
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