[外絮] 湖人Q&A時間，不過答案你可能不會喜歡已回收
http://ppt.cc/0zII
What a team. Fun to watch. Energetic. Youthful exuberance jumping off the
page. Championship caliber all the way.
Those Clippers sure are a good team. But what can be done about the Lakers?
多棒的一隻球隊，比賽內容非常精彩
年輕有活力但是又有經驗的球隊開啟了他們新的一頁
邁向冠軍的一頁
洛杉磯快艇已經證明了他們是隻good team
那湖人呢??是隻什麼team?該做些什麼?
Already lining up as one of the biggest busts of all time — and don't even
compare them to the 2003-04 Lakers, who were tied at 1-1 in the NBA Finals
with Detroit before face-planting — these guys have 28 games until the
regular season ends.
已經能算是本季最慘的球隊之一
千萬別和03-04年的湖人比
03-04年的湖人在被活塞羞恥的洗臉之前
至少成績還不錯，打到總冠軍，還先扳成1-1平手
他們只剩下28場比賽來拼季後賽門票了
Full disclosure: I predicted an intentional walk to the NBA Finals a few
months ago after Oklahoma City salary-dumped James Harden.
幾個月之前
我很有信心的預測西區將會是湖人奪冠
因為最大的對手雷霆隊失去了他們最佳第六人-大鬍子
所以我認為湖人會贏
Fuller disclosure: I really believed it.
我真的是這麼認為的
Let's forget it ever happened.
但是現在我們應該深呼吸，忘記他~~~baby~~~忘記他~~~~~~
The following eight questions attempt to sort the Lakers' have-nots from
their very few haves, the distinction blurred so far in this calamitous
season.
針對本季的一片慘狀
這裡有八個假設性的問題
1. Will the Lakers feel motivated to turn around their season because of
Jerry Buss' death?
1.正所謂哀兵必勝
湖人的大家長老巴離開了人世，湖人隊會因此受到刺激
努力的要打出成績以慰在天之靈嗎?
Kobe Bryant needs no motivation. Everybody knows that.
老大的侵略積極度不需要任何的動機，他本來就很積極
每個人都知道的
But he'll be the player most affected on the court, owing so much of his
legacy to Buss. If he needed an extra reason to perform in his 17th NBA
season, he found it.
但是對所有的湖人球員來說，老巴的離開所帶來的衝擊對他是最大的
他從老巴身上得到了太多
所以如果他真的真的需要一個理由來告訴自己要打好生涯第十七的球季
他有了
Sadly, though, the Lakers knew of Buss' worsening health for quite some time.
What you see is probably what you get from a team that hasn't been over .500
since beating Brooklyn on Nov. 20 to improve to 6-5.
不過悲觀一點的答案是........湖人不會因此受到激勵
理由是 他們早就知道老巴奄奄一息，岌岌可危
但是他們的表現也是奄奄一息，成績也是岌岌可危
從去年的11/20打贏籃網後
他們的勝率從來沒超過五成..........
2. If the Lakers make the playoffs, they would likely face San Antonio,
Oklahoma City or the Clippers. Are they a one-and-done team?
2.如果湖人進了季後賽，沒了老巴的湖人能上演老八傳奇嗎?
能打敗疾如快艇，不動馬刺，動如雷霆這三隻強隊嗎??
Nothing about this team suggests winning a playoff series.
我找不到能贏這些隊伍的理由
Lose by 24 in a "home" game to the Clippers last week? Check.
看看，湖人上禮拜在"沒太大差異的主場"以24分慘敗給了快艇
Go 1-9 against the top four teams in the Western Conference? Uh-huh.
然後對上西區前四的球隊戰績是1-9 啊啊啊啊啊啊啊~~~~~
Lose a skilled post player for several weeks because of something involving
plantar fascia? Ugly.
因為一些球員的健康問題，像足底筋膜炎之類的
湖人的內線殘破不堪 慘
At least they have that lottery pick, giving them something to look forward
to when they . . . um, never mind.
不過沒關係，往好處想，最慘湖人還是能有樂透.............啊 當我沒說
3. If you gave Bryant laughing gas mixed with truth serum, what would he say
about Mike D'Antoni?
3.如果老大吸進了笑氣混著自白劑，誠實以對，他會怎麼評論冷笑話呢??
Hey, you're kinda funny. Where's Phil? No, really. You're hilarious. Where's
Phil? Hahahaha. Ha. Phil?
啊哈 他真的是很有趣的人 哈 對了 我的禪師在哪裡?
沒，我沒在說笑，禪師在哪裡 在哪裡 不要隱藏你自己
啊哈哈哈~~~~~~哈哈哈~~~~~~
禪師~~哈~~禪~~~~~~
4. What has surprised you — good and bad — about Dwight Howard's play this
season?
4.不管好的方面或壞的方面，本季魔獸的表現有什麼讓你驚奇的地方!?
First, the good. It'll be quick.
先講好的方面吧，這幾秒鐘就能講完，不花時間
Buried amid the questions about toughness and injuries are the actual stats.
Howard leads the league in rebounding, is fourth in field-goal percentage and
fifth in blocked shots. Better than you thought? Yeah, me too.
先扣除掉他的傷病問題，單就場上來看
他的籃板領先群倫，命中率也很高，火鍋也很猛
出乎意料嗎?是的!!
好了 講完了
But the bad has been rough.
He and Bryant have an awkward relationship. He's scored more than 25 points
in only five games. He's making almost $20 million.
但是壞的方面就..........
他和老大的合作有衝突
他只有五場比賽拿超過25分
但是他花了我們兩千萬...........
Too much tension. Too much money. Not enough impact. Next question.
合作太緊繃，花了太多錢，但是沒有足夠的效果
下一題~~~~~~~~~~~
5. The trade deadline is Thursday. Do the Lakers make a last-minute deal?
Anybody want Chris Duhon? How about Devin Ebanks? Steve Blake?
What about Bryant's deal with $30.5 million due next season? Or Gasol's with
$19.3 million? Or a dinged-up Howard for a few months until he becomes a free
agent?
5.禮拜四就是交易截止日
湖人該來場交易嗎?
拍賣物品是 Duhon,Ebanks和Blake
有人想出價嗎??有人嗎?
還有老大明年身價暴增到三千萬，脖加索快兩千萬，你有什麼看法?
還有魔獸的續約問題還要繼續吵多久?一直吵到他成為自由球員嗎?
Didn't think so.
The Lakers are the Lakers, until further notice.
什麼想法都沒有
湖人就繼續維持目前的陣容下去，直到任何變化發生
6. What are the odds Phil Jackson coaches the Lakers next season?
6.你覺得禪師會再臨湖人嗎?
Slim. Too many karmic, financial and SuperSonic factors pushing against it.
機會渺茫
太多的原因了，湖人自己造的業，金錢考量，還有超音速隊重現江湖
Karmic: The Lakers had a chance to land Jackson three months ago. They woke
him up at midnight to tell him he was a silver medalist. Not nice.
先說湖人個人造業個人擔吧
三個月前，禪師很有興趣加入
結果湖人選在半夜一通電話打發他
這做得很不漂亮
Financial: If the Lakers fire D'Antoni after this season, they owe him $8
million over the next two years. They already owe Mike Brown $6 million over
the same span. That's $14 million to coaches who wouldn't even be coaching.
Too much.
金錢考量
如果湖人開除了冷笑話
冷笑話接下來的兩年可以躺著賺八百萬
還有一下是年度最佳教練一下是西瓜一下又發現不是他的錯的布朗
也可以同時兩年躺著賺六百萬
每年花一千四百萬給不是教練的人???也太浪費了吧
SuperSonic: Jackson will definitely get a phone call to join the front office
if there's a new Seattle team. No traveling for road games and a more relaxed
behind-the-scenes job. Very tempting.
國王退位
超音速歸來
即將誕生的新球隊，超音速找禪師執教的機率非常的大
有人答應你不用到處奔波去客場和很多輕鬆的幕後工作
這吸引力太大了
Throw it all in a blender and what do you get? A 4% chance Jackson rides into
El Segundo as the Lakers' coach next season.
把這些因素一起丟下去計算，電腦的分析結果
百分之四是禪師來湖人執教
7. What are the chances Dwight Howard, Metta World Peace and Pau Gasol are on
the Lakers next season?
7.湖人的內線(魔獸，阿平，脖加索)會在明年有什麼變化呢?
Howard couldn't look any less enthralled, could he? I give him a 25% chance
of returning.
魔獸的不爽不會減少，他會嗎?
所以我認為只有25%的機率會留下來
As for Gasol and World Peace, it's one or the other. A human jump ball.
阿平和脖加索只能二選一，我看叫他們跳球決定好了
One of them can be jettisoned via the one-time amnesty clause, and next
season is the last time the Lakers can use the money-saving device.
利用特赦條款來省錢
下個球季是湖人最後一次能這麼做的時候
I think it's as simple as Howard staying or leaving. If he stays, the Lakers
drop Gasol, still paying his $19.3 million salary but potentially saving a
mind-blowing $40 million in luxury taxes in the first year of the NBA's new,
extremely punitive tax system.
不管魔獸要不要留，這答案都是很簡單的
他如果要留，脖加索掰掰，花快兩千萬特赦他
來避免四千萬的豪華稅
這個新規定對湖人非常的傷
If Howard leaves, the Lakers keep Gasol, meaning World Peace's meandering,
oft-meaningful quotes are probably a goner.
如果魔獸走了，脖加索肯定會續留
這代表阿平愛說笑和阿平愛爆料等節目會成為過去式了
But at least amnesty and World Peace will be in the same sentence.
如果以上都沒發生
那至少會特赦阿平就是了
8. What are the Lakers' chances to make the playoffs?
8.時間所剩不多，湖人進入季後賽的或然輪?
Some quick math: Half of the Lakers' last 28 games are against teams with
winning records. Not bad but not great either.
簡單的數學分析
湖人未來的28場比賽
只有一半的對手勝率超過五成
不錯，但也不是什麼很大的利多
Eighth-place Houston sits 3½ games ahead of the Lakers and plays a breezy
44% of its remaining games against teams with winning records. Seventh-place
Utah, however, plays 61% of its post-All-Star games against winning teams,
meaning the Jazz might be the team to track.
領先湖人3.5場勝差的火箭
接下來的賽程有44%對上五成勝率的球隊
但是老七爵士卻有61%的賽程是對上五成勝率的球隊
這意味著
爵士可能才是湖人要去幹掉的隊伍
After pulling out an abacus and a sun dial while taking into account the
time-space continuum and meteor-strike possibilities, I give the Lakers a 30%
chance of playing after April 17. And that might be generous.
經過本山人利用算盤和日晷等精密儀器的計算
同時嚴謹的考量時空連續性
並且把隕石撞擊等重要因素考慮進去後
計算得到的結果
湖人進入季後賽的機率是30%
好啦，我有點放水........
心得:
LA Times的作家好幽默......
--
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