[外電] One night at Jack's place
One night at Jack's place
By Bill Simmons
ESPN.com
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/100505&sportCat=nba
Bill Simmons是死忠Celtics迷，但因緣際會搬到LA去。這篇文章主要是他寫他去看LAL
的比賽時的心情與心得。個人偏愛最後一段XD。
LOS ANGELES -- If I went back in time and told 1984 Billy Simmons, "Twenty-six years from now, you will attend a home Lakers playoff game and enjoy it," 1984 Me would have punched 2010 Me in the face. Check that -- 1984 Me would have screamed, "No!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SOUL!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!" And probably started running.
如果我回到過去，然後告訴1984年的我「26年以後，你會去現場看一場湖人季後賽的比賽
，而且看得非常愉快」，1984年的我一定會狠狠的揍扁2010年的我。1984年的我會大喊「
不～～～不～～～我的靈魂被玷污了～～～不～～～」
1984 Me hated the Lakers more than Shaq hates salads. I hated their colors, hated their fans and really hated "Showtime." I thought the Lakers were front-runners. I thought they were losers. I thought they were soft. My beloved Celtics won the 1984 title simply because we were tougher, because we had Bird, because we had the Garden, because we had Murph and Sully high-fiving after big baskets instead of Michael Douglas and Dyan Cannon. We took control of the series in Game 4 by beating the Lakers up and
knocking them around. In Game 5, the famous Heat Game, they were sucking from oxygen masks while Bird turned them into Lakers stew. In Game 7, they wilted from the pressure -- especially Magic, who fell apart in sections -- and handed us the title. I went to the last two games. It felt like winning a rumble.
1984年的我討厭湖人的程度大概比大歐討厭沙拉的程度還嚴重。我討厭他們的顏色，討厭
他們的球迷，討厭Showtime本身。我覺得他們很愛現。我覺得他們是失敗者。我覺得他們
太軟了。我鍾愛的Celtics贏得了1984年的冠軍就只因為他們更狠，因為他們有大鳥，因為
他們有花園球場，他們有平凡的球迷為他們加油而不是大明星Douglas之流。第四跟第五
場，我們狠狠的打敗他們。第七場，他們被壓力所打敗，尤其是Magic，將勝利拱手讓給
我們。我去了最後兩場比賽。感覺就好比贏了一場幹架一般。
The Lakers returned the favor in 1985, failed to show up for the rubber match in 1986, then outlasted a banged-up Celtics squad in 1987 (my favorite team ever). By that time, I hated the Lakers more than Heidi Montag hates dignity. I hated them so much that, in the 1988 Finals, I even rooted for the Pistons -- the same team that stepped on McHale's broken foot and said Bird would be just another good player if he were black -- just because I couldn't stomach the Lakers going back-to-back. I continued to
hate them through the 1990s and into the new century, escalating that hatred during the Shaqobe Era, when the Lakers won three straight titles and seemed like a safe bet for six to eight more.
湖人贏得1985年冠軍，1986年沒有晉級冠軍賽，1987年又打敗我最愛的Celtics贏得冠軍。
那時候，我已經度爛湖人到一種極致了。我討厭他們到1988年我甚至幫Pistons加油。就是
那個從McHale已經受傷的腳踩過去，並且說如果大鳥是黑人，那他頂多是名普通的球員的
Pistons。只因為我無法忍受湖人衛冕總冠軍。90年代我持續討厭他們，到了大歐Kobe的
時代我更加討厭他們，因為他們三連霸並且看似可以再拿個6-8個冠軍。
When I had a chance to move to Los Angeles in the fall of 2002, I made a pro/con list to help me make my decision. The very first "con"? The Lakers. I couldn't imagine living in Lakers country, being surrounded by their fans, seeing those Lakers flags on cars, hearing my neighbors gush about Kobe ... it just sounded excruciating.
2002年秋天，當我有機會可以搬到LA的時候，我做了一個好壞處的清單。在壞處下面第一
點就是「湖人」。我無法想像我生活在湖人的地盤裡。被湖人迷所包圍，看到車上都貼著
湖人的貼子或旗子，聽鄰居討論KOBE。這我實在辦不到。
I made the move, anyway.
不過我還是搬了。
My first Lakers game happened in November 2002, only six weeks after I moved from Boston, only three days after my first 80-degree Thanksgiving and 9:30 a.m. NFL game, and only one day after eating at a posh Santa Monica restaurant and picking my jaw off the floor because Dr. Dre had strolled in for a quiet dinner with his wife. (Or as it's more commonly known in my house, "The Day Hip-Hop Died.") By the time I strolled into that Sunday night game, my head was already doing 360s; I may as well have
moved to Mars. It was more of a scene than a basketball game. It went against everything I believed in. That may have been the strangest 96-hour period of my life.
我第一次去湖人比賽是2002年11月，我搬過去後6個禮拜而已。那個禮拜天晚上，當我走進
球場時，我的腦袋已經在天旋地轉了，就好比我搬到了火星上一般的神奇。這不是單純的
籃球比賽。這和我以前所相信的完全不同。這可能是我人生中最奇特的96個小時。
We sat across from the Lakers bench amid a section that could have passed for a Coldplay crowd at the Hollywood Bowl. A shockingly high number of *fans* had dressed as if they were heading to a club and accidentally got steered to a sporting event. Trophy girlfriends and trophy wives were sprinkled throughout every section. I learned quickly that there's a special dress code that you see only at Lakers games: "sporty hot." That covers any super-attractive woman wearing an expensive T-shirt and tight
jeans, and maybe even a hat, so it looks as though she just rolled out of bed, even though there was a ton of thought (and time and effort) put into that night's look. Needless to say, we weren't overflowing with "sporty hot" women in Boston. Throw in the fact that 82.83 percent of all super-attractive women live in Los Angeles and, yes, the level of eye candy at that Lakers game blew my mind. This was a sporting event?
我們坐在湖人板凳區對面的位置。這個位置眾星雲集。出乎我意料的很多觀眾都穿的似乎
應該本來是要去夜店的，但是被神秘的車子載來這個運動盛事。超正的人妻跟女友到處可
見。我迅速的知道了所謂的「sporty hot」穿著。這種穿著範圍涵蓋著任何穿著超緊牛仔
褲及粉貴T恤的正妹，他們甚至還可能帶著帽子好讓人以為他們才剛起床並且隨便穿穿就來
，但實際上卻花費了超多的時間與心思。也不用多說，在Boston是不可能有這麼多sporty
hot的妹。再加上大概全美83％的正妹都在LA這個事實的話，眼睛看妹看到腦袋都快飛走了
。這真的只是一場體育比賽嗎？
That wasn't the only unique thing I noticed. There were enough botched face-lifts, bulbous implants and scary comb-overs to carry a special edition of Star magazine. Nobody yelled at the officials, nobody was getting drunk. Unlike in Boston, it didn't seem as though there were enough clusters of guys just having a few pops together; almost everyone seemed to be on a date. One of the loudest cheers of the night: Jack Nicholson's video screen cameo. At halftime, everyone sitting courtside scurried toward
one of the corners (including Nicholson) and disappeared underneath the stadium for ... well, we had no idea. Oh, and there was a game going on the whole time. And the Laker Girls. Can't forget them.
這不是我唯一注意到的奇怪事情。我看到多到數不清的失敗整容，過大隆乳以及嚇人的髮
型，足夠刊登一集Star Magazine特刊。沒有人對著裁判大叫，沒有人喝醉。不像Boston，
單純男性團來看球的數目少之又少。似乎所有人的是隨伴而來約會的。晚上觀眾反應最激
烈的原因：Jack在大螢幕上大叫。中場休息時，所有人，包含Jack，全部往球場某個角落
聚集並且消失。他們去幹什麼，我也不知道。喔，對了。整個時間比賽還是在進行的。而
且還有湖人女郎。無法忘記他們。
Before that night, I had never attended a sporting event overshadowed by the scene itself. Maybe it was a meaningless early-season game for a team that had just won three straight titles, but over the next few years, as I kept hitting games, that balance remained skewed -- the scene always trumped the game -- and fed into my unwavering belief that Lakers fans were bandwagon phonies. Well, until 2006, my first Lakers playoff game (Lakers-Suns, Game 4), when I learned that playoff Lakers basketball had
little in common with regular-season Lakers basketball. The same "scene" was in place, only with buzz and urgency. I brought my father to that one; we left the Silicon Center with begrudging respect for the fans. They cheered at the right times, lifted the team when it mattered and generally knew what to do.
那晚之前，我從來不曾參加過一個被自己周圍蓋掉光芒的運動盛事。也許是因為那是某個
三連霸的球隊在球季剛開始沒多久的一場例行比賽而如此。但在接著幾年內，我還是斷斷
續續的去看比賽，這種還是屢見不鮮。永遠都是周圍的星光來得比比賽本身還吸引人。這
情形更加加深我原本認為湖人球迷都是虛偽的想法。直到2006年季後賽，我的第一場季後
賽(LAL-PHX4 GM4)，我才知道湖人季後賽跟例行賽是完全不同的事情。同樣的場景，但是
多了緊張與刺激。這場比賽我帶了我老爹一起去。我們帶著對球迷的敬意離開球場。他們
在正確的時間點歡呼，在需要的時候鼓勵了球隊，並且大致上知道身為球迷該做什麼。
The inherent problem with any Lakers game: There are three types of Lakers fans, so the balance of any crowd depends on Type A and Type C overriding Type B. Type A would be the die-hards -- mostly middle or lower class, populating the upper levels of the arena as well as the higher corner seats. These are the ones who attend championship parades, stick flags on their cars, wear jerseys to games and defend Kobe to the death. They are my mortal enemies, and I love when they are unhappy ... but I respect
their passion. Type C would be the wealthy die-hards -- upper class, connected, and in many cases, family-owned season-ticket holders since the days of Magic/Kareem or even West/Baylor -- only it's a disproportionately large group compared with any other NBA city except New York. I don't mind these fans unless they are giving their tickets to Spaulding Smails-type relatives, which happens more than you think. They always return for the playoffs, just one reason why those games are always better.
任何一場湖人比賽，球迷可以分成三類，而球賽的氣氛取決於A與C類球迷是否可以蓋過B
類球迷。A類球迷是中低階層的死忠球迷。他們大多坐在上層的座位。會參加冠軍遊行的
，會把湖人貼紙貼在車上，會穿球衣去看比賽，並且誓死捍衛Kobe的就是他們這類球迷。
他們是我的死敵。我愛看他們失落，但是我尊敬他們的熱情。C類球迷是有錢的死忠球迷
。上層社會的球迷，並且大多從Magic/Kareem年代就有季票。唯一不同的是，他們的比例
遠大於其他任何球隊的同類球迷。我不會介意這類球迷，除非他們平常把票給一些張三李
四。但是季後賽他們絕對會出現，這也可能是為什麼季後賽的比賽氣氛都比較不一樣。
The wheels come off with Type B: wannabe die-hards, locals there to be seen, couples showing up late and leaving early, C-list celebrities, agents or producers jabbering with clients and ignoring the game … it's everything I hate about Los Angeles in a nutshell. Every negative impression of a Lakers fan comes from the Type B's, who tend to cluster for weekend games and Game 7s -- anything that's a difficult ticket -- so instead of "Night of the Living Dead," it's "Night of the Living Pseudo-Fan." The
worst possible Lakers crowd? Any Finals game. It's mostly Hollywoodites who called in favors or paid big bucks; the real fans get shoved into the upper decks or priced out entirely. (Important note: I will always believe that the 2008 Celtics won Game 4 of the Finals because it wasn't a typical Lakers crowd.) If you want to have a sports experience with a healthy amount of L.A. sprinkled in, you want to attend a Lakers playoff game during the week. You get the highest percentage of real fans that way.
B類球迷就讓我很度爛。來球賽不是為了看球而是為了被看。遲到早退，三線明星，忙著
和客戶講生意而完全不關心球賽的經紀人，所有我討厭LA的原因。我對湖人球迷的所有
負面印象都來自這群球迷。他們大多聚集於週末的比賽或是 GM7，或是任何一票難求的
比賽。最慘的比賽？任何一場總冠軍場。大部分都是好萊塢明星打電話來要票，而把真正
死忠的球迷趕到上層去，或甚至趕出球場。我至今還相信，Celtics之所以可以贏2008年
總冠軍第四場的原因，是因為來了一群假性湖人球迷。如果你想要體會一點LA味的運動比
賽，你最好選一場平日的季後賽比賽。這種比賽是真正球迷比例最高的以賽。
So I guess you could say that, after eight years, I have adapted to some degree: not just with living in Los Angeles, but with attending Lakers games. I love seeing good basketball in person more than I hate the Lakers, if that makes sense. Would I rather be part of an old-school, hard-core basketball crowd in Boston or New York for three hours? Of course. But Lakers playoff games aren't a bad fallback plan two or three times per spring, as long as you can stomach:
所以我想你可以說，再經過了八年之後，我或多或說已經適應了LA生活以及湖人的比賽。
我喜歡現場看高水準籃球的程度高出我討厭湖人的程度。我是否寧願選擇去BOS或NY看一
場傳統激的籃球比賽？當然。但春天去湖人季後賽比賽兩三次也不是一個太差的備案。只
要你能忍受以下事情：
1. The constant gushing over Kobe.
2. The unwavering collective belief that any time Kobe misses, this absolutely means he was fouled.
3. The unwavering collective belief that any time Kobe gets whistled for a foul or a turnover, he definitely didn't do it.
4. Everyone's willingness to overlook the two or three times per game when Kobe blatantly shows up one of his teammates or sells them out with a nasty look.
1.隨時隨地的KOBE迷戀症
2.如果KOBE投球沒進，那他一定被犯規的這種普遍想法
3.如果KOBE被吹犯規，那他一定是被誤吹的這種普遍想法
4.大家願意選擇性忽略KOBE偶爾向他隊友炫耀或是擺臉色看的情形
I have learned to tune things out. Whatever. They love the guy. But just to make sure I wasn't being quietly corrupted and having my soul usurped, I brought my friend Jacoby to Game 2 of the Jazz-Lakers series.
我已經學會了視而不見。隨他們。他們愛他。但為了確認我沒有在不知不覺中被同化，我
請了我的好友Jacoby來跟我一起看UTA LAL的第二戰。
Jacoby grew up a Celtics fan, lived in New York the past 15 years and could easily pass for a secondary lead in "How To Make It In America." If anyone was put on Earth to despise a Lakers home playoff game, it's him. I thought he would be a good fish-out-of-water test case for my theory that Lakers games have nothing in common with anything else in sports.
Jacoby從小就是Celtis迷，過去15年住在紐約，並且可以輕鬆的通過「如何在美國生存」
的測驗。如果有人生來就是為了度爛一場湖人季後賽比賽，那一定就是Jacoby了。我覺得
他應該會是個來測驗湖人比賽是否有別於其他籃球比賽的很好的鑑別人物。
Jacoby lucked out for his virgin voyage: a weeknight Game 2, almost guaranteeing a good crowd. We met at my house, drove down to the game, parked and passed through L.A. Live on the way to the Staples. Once upon a time, the Staples Center was the only reason to go downtown at night, unless you wanted to get mugged, stabbed or chased. The building was surrounded by parking lots, sleazy hotels and about 30 different places to get a lube job or a tire changed. Thanks to the L.A. Live project (just finished
this year), it's now surrounded by a movie theater, an ESPN building with an ESPN Zone, multiple quality restaurants and bars, a Marriott, a towering Ritz Carlton and a mammoth parking garage. Fans have a place to go before and after games. Players have a fancy hotel to bring groupies and hookers. Everyone wins.
Jacoby很走運，他的第一場湖人比賽是個平日晚上的比賽，連帶保證觀眾會是不錯的那種
。我們在我家碰頭，然後開車過去，停好車並且穿過LA LIVE去 Staples球場。曾經有段
時間，唯一會在晚上去市區的原因就是Staples球場，除非你想被搶劫，捅刀或追趕。球場
被停車場，小旅館，以及至少30家換油或換輪胎的店面所包圍。但歸功於今年完成的LA
LIVE計畫，現在被電影院，ESPN大樓，多個高級餐廳和酒店，兩家高級旅館以及超大停車
大樓所包圍。球迷在比賽前後有地方可以去。球員有高級的旅館可以款待好友以及要錢的
妹。大家都是贏家。
As we headed toward the cheery entrance, a confused Jacoby wondered, "Is this really the same place that the Clippers play at?" and added a few seconds later, "I feel like we're headed towards a nightclub." Almost on cue, an older, mullet-wearing Asian man wearing an Air Jordan jumpsuit and about 20 pounds of gold necklaces strolled by us holding hands with one of Colonel James' 16-year-old girlfriends from "Boogie Nights." Definitely a couple you wouldn't see at a Celtics game. We decided that the man
had reached the final stage in life: "Pajama Rich," when you're so wealthy that you feel like wearing only pajamas or sweatsuits in public. The Lakers have more than a few Pajama Rich fans. All Type B's, by the way.
當我們通過入口的時候，迷惘的Jacoby問說「這真的也是快艇比賽的地方嗎？」「我覺得
我們是在往夜店的路上」湊巧，有個身穿AirJordan衣服，脖子上大概掛了20磅的金飾並且
手牽著一個16歲超正妹的亞裔男性走過我們身邊。這一對絕對不可能出現在Celtics比賽中
。我們覺得那個人達到了人生最後一個階段，Pajama Rich。有錢到只想穿著睡衣或是熱褲
在外面走路的階段。附帶一題，都是B類球迷。
We went inside, found our section, found our row and realized we were sitting next to Lisa Leslie and her husband. I thought about introducing myself and saying, "Hey, I'm the guy who's been making fun of your league for the last 10 years and thinks it should go away," but decided against it. At any other event, we probably would have been sneaking glances at her -- she's like nobody you've ever seen in person, elegant and impossibly tall -- and admiring her for chowing down on an entire pizza while
wearing a cocktail dress, only this time, there was way too much to see. Jacoby quickly embraced the world of "sporty hot" ("this crowd is LOADED"), appreciated me for underselling the Laker Girls ("classier than I expected"), loved the opening with bedsheets falling off the scoreboard and giving way to a video display ("that was just plain cool") and chewed up the general vibe ("this is everything game presentation should be").
我們進去，找到我們的位置，然後發現我們坐在Lisa Leslie和她老公旁邊。我本來想跟他
自我介紹說「嗨 你好。我是這10年來一直取笑你們WNBA並且覺得你們應該收山的人」，
但是後來我還是決定不要這樣子。在其他任何場合，我們絕對會找機會偷瞄他。他不像其
他的人，他很高又很文雅，而且穿著高級服裝的同時一個人獨自嗑掉一份披薩，但是今天
能看的實在太多了。Jacoby迅速的瞭解了Sporty hot一詞，欣賞了湖人女郎的表演以及開
場的節目。超大的床單從球場上方的主螢幕滑下，並且開始播放影片。
That's a crucial point: Most NBA games these days are overshadowed by a misguided attempt to turn the game into a scene. Every team turns down the lights for the introductions, blasts the same Black Eyed Peas songs, shows the same inspirational movie clips, trots out the same semi-skanky-looking cheerleaders, plays the same musical cues to get fans to cheer ... really, it's organized manipulation that doesn't differ from city to city. With Lakers playoff games? Mission accomplished. It really does feel
like a scene.
這是關鍵的時刻。現在很多的NBA比賽都會拘泥於要把比賽變成一場表演。所有的球隊都
會把燈關上，並且放著同一首黑眼豆的豆歌，放著同一部勵志短片，並且同樣一群不怎麼
樣的啦啦隊出場，放了同樣的歌曲來激昂觀眾。真的，這只是每個城市都有的一種組織操
弄。但是湖人季後賽比賽？他們真的成功了。他們真的把他變成一場表演似的。
And sure, the celebrities help. At other NBA games, they play "Higher Ground" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and show various fans dancing along. At Lakers games, they play "Higher Ground" and cut to Anthony Kiedis and Flea. You just never know who might be lurking, with the obvious exception of Nicholson, a courtside staple and America's most beloved actor. Think of how many competitors for that title came and went over the years -- Newman, Redford, Cruise, Stallone, Arnold, Crowe, Hanks, Murphy, Smith
-- only old Jack still has that championship belt. When he passes some day, Lakers games will transform into something else.
當然，有明星也是有好處的。在其他NBA比賽，他們會播放球迷隨音樂跳舞的畫面。在湖人
的比賽，他們會播放音樂，然後鏡頭會帶到某某大牌明星。你永遠都不知道那個明星會在
今天出現，除了永遠不缺席的Jack。當某天Jack離我們而去的時候，湖人的比賽不會再一樣
了。
During the regular season, Jack sits like Bernie Lomax in his seat and barely moves. During the playoffs, it's a much more animated Jack -- he yells at the refs, hobnobs with opponents and referees, even stands up during lulls to coerce the crowd into a "Come on, guys, let's pick it up here!" ovation. In general, the playoff crowds are locked in. You forget how much winning they have witnessed over the years: Not just 15 titles, but five straight decades of contention with only a couple of minor bumps.
Like longtime Celtics fans, Lakers fans have seen every conceivable big game or scenario you can see. You could call them fan outliers -- over the years, they definitely assembled 10,000-plus hours of how to support a basketball team. I believe a basketball fan has four jobs at a playoff game ...
例行賽的時候，Jack會坐在位置上很少動。季後賽的時候，他變的超激動的。他會向裁判
大吼大叫，會跟對方球員教練與裁判抬槓，甚至會起來鼓舞其他觀眾為湖人加油。總而歸
之，季後賽的球迷是很專注的。我們常常忽略他們到底見證過了多少成功。不提15次總冠
軍，他們連續50年都保有競爭力。就如同老Celtics迷，他們見過了所有的大風大浪。你
可以稱他們為球迷的異類。他們肯定花了數萬小時來支持他們的球隊。我認為在季後賽，
球迷有四個任務：
1. Rise to the occasion any time your team is playing great.
2. Rise to the occasion during any lull (the aforementioned "Come on guys, let's pick it up here" play).
3. Work the refs as much as you can; make them feel uncomfortable.
4. Express genuine joy and happiness after any great play.
1.當你的球隊表現好時，鼓勵他們
2.當你的球隊表現低迷時，鼓勵他們
3.盡可能的操弄裁判，讓他們感覺不自在
4.在任何好球之後由衷而發的感到高興與喜悅
... and the right Lakers playoff crowd does all of these things. The fans rose to the occasion for the three best moments Tuesday -- a breathtaking breakaway dunk by Shannon Brown (they went appropriately bonkers); a shot clock-saving, game-clinching heave by Kobe that rattled around and went in (ditto); and Kobe's remarkable 360-degree, Hakeem-like pivot out of a seemingly insurmountable sideline trap for an easy 5-footer (that one drew a "whoooooooooooooooa!") -- as well as the single funniest moment,
when Ron Artest found himself alone in crunch time, and we could see an "I should just shoot this 3-pointer" thought bubble popping above his head, causing every fan to scream, "Noooooooooooooooo!" the same way you would if a buddy was turning the ignition for a car with a bomb strapped underneath it.
正港湖人球迷會做到以上所有的事情。這場比賽，在三次好球之後球迷都瘋狂鼓譟：香濃
的快攻灌籃，KOBE的關鍵性一投，以及猶如Hakeem般的360度轉身投籃。當然也有好笑的
時候，在關鍵的時刻，大家都看到了Ron獨自一個人拿到球，而每個人都可以看的出來他
要投三分球，所有人都大喊「不～～～～要～～～～投～～～～」。就好比如果你的好友
正準備啟動一台已經被裝了炸彈的車子時的反應。
Did he shoot it? Of course he did. He's Ron Artest. (He missed.) He's a fun Laker for so many reasons: Not just because he's so consistently crazy that I challenged Jacoby to watch Artest and find five seconds when he didn't seem crazy (nope); not just because he wants to fit in so badly that it's comically endearing; not just because he's just another goofball celebrity in a city filled with goofball celebrities; not just because he still plays in-your-jersey defense against scoring forwards as well as
anyone (just don't ask him to guard the Ginobili/Wade types); but because he's a loose cannon playing in front of a fairly sophisticated fan base that understands the difference between a good basketball decision and a bad one. The Lakers are loaded enough that they can survive his occasional foibles/brain farts in these first two rounds, so the fans give him an accordingly long rope and appreciate him for who he is. After that? The rope will shorten. Considerably.
他有投嗎？廢話當然。他是Artestㄟ...（他也真的沒進）。很多原因讓他成為一個很搞笑
的湖人球員。不單因為他非常穩定的表現出他瘋狂的一面，我甚至還挑戰Jacoby是否可以
找到他連續五秒表現正常（結果沒找到），也不是因為他極所可能的想要融入而好笑，也
不單因為他是這個城市眾多搞笑明星中的一個搞笑明星，不單是因為他施展超級黏巴達式
的防守，而因為他是一個在一群分的出好壞籃球決定的觀眾前面打球的偶爾少跟筋的球員
。湖人實力堅強，所以在前兩輪還可以容許他偶爾這樣脫線演出。但之後呢？對他的標準
會提高很多。非常多。
Just know that the Lakers aren't going away. I thought they had been afflicted by a fatal case of the Disease of More -- Pat Riley's theory that, when you win a title, everyone wants more (minutes, money, shots, etc.) and it ends up sinking the title defense -- but an upstart Oklahoma City team apparently rekindled their competitiveness. When Kobe manages the game, picks his spots and pounds the ball down low to his big guys, they are nearly unbeatable. Everything hinges on No. 24. He's the most
competitive guy in the league, but he also wants to be the hero of every game, and sometimes, you can't be both. Tuesday night, he found the right balance. Spectacular. It was one of those nights when you watched him and thought, "Sometimes it's easy to forget that he is one of the best 10 or 12 players ever."
你只要知道湖人不會消失的。我以為他們被名為「我要更多」的疾病所困擾。如油頭所說
，當你贏得冠軍之後，每個人都要更多（錢，上場時間，投籃機會）而最終毀了衛冕之路
。但顯然的OKC重新激起了他們競爭的慾望。當KOBE開始指揮比賽，選擇他們的投籃，並且
把球餵給禁區高個，他們無法被打敗。所有都取決於24號。他是聯盟裡最具競爭心的人，
他場場都想當英雄，但有時候兩者不可兼得。今晚，他找到了其中的平衡點。
The fans appreciate him, and they should. It's the right match of player and crowd. As Patrick Goldstein pointed out recently, this city has been dealing with talented, tortured, enigmatic stars for decades; he may as well be Russell Crowe or Sean Penn with a basketball. I don't blame the fans for rooting for him, just like they can't blame me for rooting against him. It's sports. That's what you do. You pick a side.
球迷支持他，他們也該如此。這是球員與觀眾的完美組合。我不怪球迷支持他，就如同他
們不該怪我不支持他。這就是比賽。你這你該做的。你選邊站。
At the same time, Lakers home games can't work without a superstar. For five decades (and counting), these fans have been blessed with West, Baylor, Wilt, Kareem, Magic, Shaq and Kobe. Seven of the 15 best players ever. At some point, the gravy train will end. The Lakers will bottom out like the Knicks did last decade, submarined by bad moves, poor signings and unlucky drafts. Their fans will flee in droves. Jack will pass away. The buzz will be gone. That's how the NBA works -- in a 30-team league, you
can't always get lucky, not even if you're a big-market team with deep pockets.
湖人主場比賽不能沒有巨星。50年來球迷有幸看到West, Baylor, Wilt, Kareem, Shaq,
Magic, Kobe。史上最厲害的15名球員中的7名。當然總有一日繁華不將在，他們會跟尼克
一樣被錯誤的決定，選秀，自由球員所拖累而戰績低落。球迷會流失，Jack會與我們永別
，一切賣點會消失。這就是NBA，30支球隊，你不可能永遠幸運，就算你是大市場球隊和
龐大的銀彈也是如此。
I don't know if that day is three years off or 30, but it's coming. For now, playoff games continue to deliver. As Jacoby said afterward, "I couldn't do that three times a week, but as a one-time deal, I had a blast. That's the gold standard for a glitzy sporting event. I loved it, but I hate myself for loving it." Exactly.
我不知道這是三年後還是三十年後，但總有一天。在那之前，季後賽比賽不斷的上演。就
如同Jacoby後來說「我無法一個禮拜來三次，但如果一生一次的話，我真的很享受」這就
是運動比賽的黃金標準。我很享受，但我很討厭我很享受。的確如此。
Last story: Our friend brought us to the Chairman's Club at halftime, that mysterious underground location for Jack and the celebs. It's one big room with a bar, two bartenders and popcorn. That's all. We ordered drinks and I ducked through a back door to find a restroom. After I finished peeing, the toilet didn't flush. I tried everything. Wouldn't flush. I washed my hands, then left the bathroom intending to apologize to the next person in line and warn him, "Hey, just an FYI -- that toilet doesn't
flush."
最後一個故事。我們的朋友在中場的時候帶我們到Chairman's Club，就是那個所有明星都
會聚集的那個神秘角落。那是一個大房間，有一個吧台，兩個服務員以及爆米花。就這樣。
我們點了飲料，然後我到後面的廁所去。當我小號完之後，我發現馬桶無法沖水。我試了
所有的辦法，但是就是無法沖水。我洗了洗手，離開廁所，並且本來要告訴下一個人說「
馬桶無法沖水喔」
The person waiting? Jack Nicholson. He was sitting on a chair, sunglasses on, squinting to see his cell phone. I was already feeling guilty enough about enjoying myself at a Lakers playoff game. This moment saved the day. No true Celtics fan would ever warn Jack Nicholson -- the guy who came into our house during the 1984 and 1985 Finals and gave us the choke sign -- about a toilet that wasn't flushing. And so I walked by our most famous living actor in silence while praying that he needed to take a
dump. Go Celtics.
誰在下一個呢？Jack。他坐在椅子上，戴著太陽眼鏡看著他的手機。我已經對我很享受一
場湖人的季後賽感到罪惡感。這正是我平反的機會。一個真正的Celtics迷絕對不會跟Jack
，一個1984 1985年來到我們的球場放肆的傢伙，說馬桶無法沖水。所以我安靜的走過這位
最偉大演員的身邊，並且暗自祈禱他需要上大號。Celtics加油。
Bill Simmons is a columnist for ESPN.com and the author of the recent New York Times best-seller "The Book of Basketball." For every Simmons column and podcast, check out Sports Guy's World. Follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/sportsguy33.
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