[請益] 這個句子太複雜太長，能幫我簡化嗎

看板Eng-Class作者 (Sophie)時間7年前 (2016/10/05 10:04), 編輯推噓2(2推 0噓 30→)
留言32則, 5人參與, 最新討論串1/1
我看到一個範文好長好複雜 我自己沒辦法吸收活用更不想硬背 能不能請大大在維持原意的前提下 把這個句子改得簡單一點？（但盡量使用二個句子） 謝謝幫忙喔！ While many parents restrict their children’s freedom to play in local parks considering the rising crime rates and nearly all households have at least one television set, TV viewing has occupied countless hours of their leisure time. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 36.228.37.37 ※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Eng-Class/M.1475633058.A.A28.html
推
10/05 16:23, , 1F
It is more dangerous to play outside because the cr-
10/05 16:23, 1F
→
10/05 16:23, , 2F
ime rate raises. Therefore, parents would like thier
10/05 16:23, 2F
→
10/05 16:24, , 3F
children to stay home and watch TV.不保證對
10/05 16:24, 3F
→
10/05 18:46, , 4F
樓上只改寫了一部份意思
10/05 18:46, 4F
→
10/05 18:46, , 5F
Since the crime rates are rising and nearly all
10/05 18:46, 5F
→
10/05 18:47, , 6F
households have >=1 television set, many parents
10/05 18:47, 6F
→
10/05 18:48, , 7F
restrict their children's freedom to play in
10/05 18:48, 7F
→
10/05 18:49, , 8F
local parks. However, TV viewing has occupied
10/05 18:49, 8F
→
10/05 18:49, , 9F
(too) much of their leisure time.
10/05 18:49, 9F
推
10/05 21:09, , 10F
k大請教為何倒數第二行要用However呢？
10/05 21:09, 10F
→
10/05 21:16, , 11F
原句While是"儘管"的反差之意 反差的地方是家長原意
10/05 21:16, 11F
→
10/05 21:17, , 12F
是為保護兒童 但導致電視佔據他們太多時間 可能也
10/05 21:17, 12F
→
10/05 21:17, , 13F
不是家長樂見的
10/05 21:17, 13F
→
10/05 23:22, , 14F
While要這麼解的話，後面不該就接著說「家家有電視」
10/05 23:22, 14F
→
10/05 23:24, , 15F
電視可不是為了小孩好才變普及的。
10/05 23:24, 15F
→
10/05 23:25, , 16F
要嘛原文作者誤用while，要嘛他就該把電視的普及程度拉出去
10/05 23:25, 16F
→
10/05 23:26, , 17F
獨立出來不要and在一起
10/05 23:26, 17F
→
10/05 23:28, , 18F
還有我覺得local parks這麼專一的說法很有語病。那是不是外
10/05 23:28, 18F
→
10/05 23:28, , 19F
面巷子可以？如果他家住什麼大學附近，大學校園可以嗎？只
10/05 23:28, 19F
→
10/05 23:29, , 20F
是不准去「公園」玩？
10/05 23:29, 20F
→
10/05 23:33, , 21F
Nearly every household owns at least one TV set.
10/05 23:33, 21F
→
10/05 23:33, , 22F
While parents increasingly keeps their cchildren indoor
10/05 23:33, 22F
→
10/05 23:34, , 23F
in view of the rising crime rate, TV viewing
10/05 23:34, 23F
→
10/05 23:34, , 24F
inevitably occupies much of the children's leisure time
10/05 23:34, 24F
→
10/05 23:35, , 25F
我把句子的理路改了一下。
10/05 23:35, 25F
→
10/05 23:36, , 26F
如今家家有電視。父母為了治安不好把小孩留在屋裡，於是小
10/05 23:36, 26F
→
10/05 23:36, , 27F
孩就沒事看電視啦。
10/05 23:36, 27F
→
10/06 00:08, , 28F
家家有電視放那裏講是不好 挑local parks的語病我就
10/06 00:08, 28F
→
10/06 00:09, , 29F
覺得可以不必
10/06 00:09, 29F
→
10/06 00:11, , 30F
這句也不是有規範力的條文 是第三人稱記敘家長管教
10/06 00:11, 30F
→
10/06 00:12, , 31F
小孩的作法
10/06 00:12, 31F
→
10/08 17:02, , 32F
感激多位前輩的意見
10/08 17:02, 32F
‣ 更多 SophyEye 的文章
文章代碼(AID): #1Nz5-Yee (Eng-Class)